A History of Shadows
by ElisaCollette
Summary: From her earliest memories, Jade's life was never easy. Her attitude and hard exterior come from years of learning that love – if you can trust it – comes at a high price. This is not a sequel to Try Again Tomorrow - but it is a companion piece - it will show Jade getting to the point she reached in that story.
1. Greatest Loss

A History of Shadows

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Chapter 1 – The Greatest Loss

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~Norman Cousins

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Jade's earliest happy memory occurred on her fifth birthday. She was in the living room, playing the piano while her mother was locked in her room, napping with ear plugs against the sound. No one had mentioned Jade's birthday but the cleaning lady, who had given to her a small box of chocolate and a teddy bear. The little girl had thanked her, given her a kiss on the cheek, and taken them up to her bedroom to hide. Her mother would not have approved. Nor did the unhappy woman mention Jade's birthday as she paced her office, conducting business with clients around the world. The young child thought when her mother left her office after lunch that day, she might be planning something, but she'd simply leaned over the railing at the top of the stairs, glared down at daughter, and told her to keep quiet – she had a headache. (Jade knew she could still get away with playing the piano - her mother always wore earplugs while she slept).

With the lonely beginning to the day, it was extra special when her father, who worked so hard he rarely remembered what day it was, came home with a large gift-wrapped box and placed it in front of Jade on the ground. She grinned at him and despite his neutral expression; she could see the happiness in his eyes – the ones that matched hers so well. She opened the lid with the purple ribbon and squealed with happiness when a mound of black fur bounded out at her, licking her face.

"Thank you," she said incredulously. Her father smiled; a rare sight.

"Now, you have to take care of her yourself," he warned. Jade nodded; she could do that. Most of the time, she fed and bathed herself – it would be no problem to take care of the dog.

"What's her name?" Jade asked softly.

"You get to pick it," he answered, still kneeling on the floor across from her as she held the dog in her arms.

"Ramona," she said, deciding to name it after a character in one of her favorite books.

"Why don't you take Ramona outside?" her father suggested. "It was a long car ride." Jade stood and scurried toward the kitchen, which would lead her into the back yard. Ramona followed close at her heels.

She played with the dog for a few minutes outside until Ramona curled into a tiny ball and closed her eyes; she was tired. Jade picked her up and carried her back into the mansion that she called home. Sounds of screaming (mostly her mother, occasionally a retort from her father) picked at the happiness that had wound its way around her young heart. She stifled a sob as she walked up the back staircase and into her bedroom with the sleeping dog. She slipped quietly into her closet, closed the doors, and curled into the floor with the puppy beside her.

It was only a few days later that held Jade's unhappiest memory. She sat on the stone front steps and watched as her father carried his bags to his car. He was not coming back to live with them; her mother had told her already. But Jade's young mind didn't quite understand. Had she done something wrong? Ramona sat at her side, seeming to understand the solemnness of the moment. After the last bag was in the car, Alex West sat on the step with his daughter.

"I'm sorry, Jade," he said quietly. It was an apology no one – who might be listening from the house – would be able to hear. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jade promised him, climbing into his lap for a hug. It would be the last time Jade heard those words from her father – or shared them with anyone for a good nine years.

As he drove away, the front door opened and her mother snapped. "Get up off that stair. Do you know how expensive that dress is?" Jade scrambled to her feet and into the house, Ramona her constant companion. Inside, the house was darker and Jade's mother was nursing what was clearly not her first glass of wine. The young girl knew the sign of that glass meant no dinner – so she crept into the pantry and grabbed an apple and a sleeve of crackers and carried them to her room.

It was lonely without her father – although he'd rarely been home, he at least spoke directly to Jade when he saw her. Camilla West never spoke to the child unless it was to yell, warn, or scream. Her father had taught her to read a calendar and he'd left one in his office, so she went in every day to count down – she knew school would start soon – and then she would have lots of people to talk to.

Before that could happen, her life shifted. John moved into the mansion. John was younger than her father – had messier hair and cheaper clothing. He smelled too strongly aftershave and his hair always looked oily. Her mother didn't seem to mind, since she let John move into her bedroom. Jade avoided him but he left his mark all over the house – and he was always just around the corner, waiting to say something to Jade. He spoke to her often, despite the fact that she did not encourage it in the least. He called her princess, but in a very demeaning way.

"Does the princess not approve of the meal?" he would ask, after Jade picked at a fast-food meal he had brought home. She tried to explain that she was allergic to what he'd provided that evening but he didn't care to listen – and Camilla was certainly not paying attention.

Two weeks after he'd moved in, John cemented his legacy as a man Jade would always hate. He had left his shoes by the back door in the kitchen. One morning, Jade was not fast enough running down the stairs to let Ramona outside. The puppy was still learning and although she tried to wait, she went to the bathroom on the kitchen floor. It was just a small puddle and Jade was in the middle of cleaning it when John slumped into the kitchen in boxers and a tshirt, a cigarette between his lips. He saw the puddle, next to his shoes, and picked up the puppy by the back of her neck.

"No!" Jade cried. "It was an accident. I'm cleaning it! She didn't get your shoes!" John didn't listen. He dropped Ramona into the kitchen sink where the maid had washed dishes earlier that morning. He held the puppy there until she went limp, ignoring the feeling of Jade's tiny nails scratching at his arm. Swatting Jade away, he left the puppy floating in the sink and Jade sobbing next to it.

He told Camilla Jade had done it – that she was tired of cleaning up after the dog. Jade's heart was broken and she could barely form the words to defend herself. Camilla ignored her attempts and simply said, "your father will hear about this." Jade cried for the remainder of the day. Camilla told the maid to bury the dog – and turned a deaf ear to Jade's sobs and insistence of innocence.

"You can't change what you've done," Camilla hissed at her. "Maybe this will teach you not to be such a terrible little girl."

Through her tears, Jade tried desperately to remember when she'd been a terrible little girl. She had nothing to put into context. She always did what she was told; she rarely asked for anything – what else did she need to do to be a good girl?

Her father picked her up for his first visitation a week later. He was angry about the dog. Jade had been planning to tell him the truth – maybe he would take her away from John and her unkind mother. But Camilla had made it impossible. That morning, she had appeared in Jade's room and offered to braid the girl's hair. Jade didn't know how to refuse, so she allowed it. Camilla began to brush her daughter's hair without a lick of gentleness or sensitivity. She grabbed a section to be braided and yanked it hard, causing her daughter to cry out in surprise.

She leaned close to whisper angrily in her daughter's ear. "Don't even mention John to your father. If you so much as say his name, I will beat you with this hairbrush. Do you understand me?" Jade nodded, despite the pain it caused her to do so. Her mother let go of her dark brown hair and shoved her toward the bed. "It looks better down," she said, before disappearing from the room. A small clump of hair, the ends torn and bloody, lay on Jade's cream-colored carpet. The small girl's eyes watered but she fought it, carrying her hair into the bathroom and throwing it into the garbage. She used a rag to stop the flow of blood at the crown of her head. It stopped eventually but she had to part it to the side to hide the spot where hair had ripped out – and it was a painful process.

She was paler than usual when her father picked her up that morning, but he didn't notice – it was still aghast at how his daughter had been able to kill a puppy. A living, breathing animal. He was uncomfortable the entire day – not sure what to say to the little girl he now thought of as a monster. Jade felt the rejection – and knew there was nothing she could do to clear up his disappointment and repulsion.

By the time he dropped her off at her mother's home, Jade knew that whatever love her father had for her was gone. She ran directly to her bedroom and hid in her closet, wishing she still had Ramona. Ramona had loved her. And look at where that had gotten her.

The next morning, Jade pulled on a black dress and slipped her feet into black mary-jane shoes. Her books and television shows had told her that people wore black for mourning. She would mourn Ramona. And she would mourn her father's love. For as long as it took. When school started at the end of August, she was the only first grader with a leaning toward black.

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The first two chapters are very short but I promise the rest are longer. It's a harsh beginning - but this story is primarily harsh and shows how Jade's life was never truly easy. But it will get better as Cat and then Beck get involved. Thanks for reading - please share your thoughts!


	2. Her World

The first two chapters are extremely short; they get longer after this. Hope you enjoy the story!

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Chapter 2 - Her World

"A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world." ~Leo Buscaglia

Her early years were rough – she saw less and less of her father as his work too precedence over his once-a-month visitation rights. Camilla would whisper things into her ear – telling her she wasn't good enough, she wasn't smart enough. Jade knew the woman was wrong; but the words still cut deeply. It was in those early years that her best friend kept her alive.

Cat Valentine was simply sunshine personified; she warmed Jade's cold existence. Cat had a nanny who would pick the two girls up from school and take them to movies, museums, to the park. It was the most living Jade had done since her father had left; her mother didn't like to be seen with her in public – she felt having a daughter in tow made her look older than she was.

But spending the afternoons with Cat and her nanny made Jade feel alive again – not so groggy and tired and sad. The nanny's name was Molly and she was the kindest adult Jade had ever met. She was intelligent too; she'd been able to convince Jade's mother that spending the afternoon with them would be more beneficial to herself than it would be fun for Jade. Camilla never would have agreed if she thought Jade was enjoying herself. She already told Jade on a daily basis how spoiled she was.

Cat taught Jade how to smile again and feel happiness; and she did. She would leave the house in the morning and try to forget about whatever mean things her mother had said to her. Then, she would be happy all day. She was a good student and had nice friends. It was enough from Monday through Friday. Saturdays and Sundays were difficult, but she would hide herself in her bedroom with pilfered food and several books from the school library. Usually, if her mother and John didn't see her, they left her alone.

Toward the end of the school year, Jade received an invitation to Cat's birthday party – it would be a sleepover on a Saturday night. She was thrilled. Perhaps she was too excited – or maybe her mom has simply had a really bad day – but on the day before the birthday party, while Jade was bounding down the kitchen stairs, Camilla stuck her foot out – just a bit further than might had been normal. And within a minute, Jade was at the bottom of the steps – her arm broken.

"How clumsy of you, Jade," her mother said snidely. She took her to the hospital and Jade remained silent as her mother explained to the nurses that her poor, clumsy daughter had tripped over a shoe and toppled down the stairs. It wasn't actually a lie, Jade realized. The wait at the hospital had been long and by the time Jade was home, crawling into bed, it was just before midnight.

Her mother stopped in her bedroom door and looked at Jade through the darkness. "I'll call Catharina's mother. You won't be attending that party." Jade cried herself to sleep. Her father stopped to see her; it was actually his blue eyes that she woke to Saturday morning. But she quickly saw it was out of obligation; he made no effort to ask what had happened. He simply handed her a stuffed bear he had purchased and told her to feel better.

The bear had black fur; Jade's eyes filled with tears as she threw it across the room. With the help of the drugs given to her at the hospital, she slept through most of the weekend. Monday morning, she dressed herself as best she could with one good arm and walked carefully to the kitchen to pour herself a bowl of cereal. She was late for the bus and wasn't sure what to do. If she went home, her mother would either say something nasty Jade wasn't prepared to hear and then give her a ride – or she would ignore her and Jade would be stuck in the house with John all day. She walked toward school, following the same path that the school bus normally took.

Molly, Cat's nanny, found her and offered her a ride. Jade took it gratefully and was only twenty minutes late for school. Cat was pouting at morning recess. "You didn't come to my party."

"I'm sorry," Jade said sincerely. She indicated her broken arm, wrapped in a white cast that seemed far too large for her tiny bones.

"It's okay," Cat answered with a look of hurt; she hadn't known Jade was hurt – Camilla had not shared that part of the story when she'd called to say that Jade wasn't attending. Cat hugged her friend and said, "I saved you a piece of cake. You can have it today after school."

Their school offered free enrichment classes in the summer and Jade was amazed when her teacher told her she was eligible. By telling her mother they were required, she earned herself verbal abuse – but she also got herself out of the house five days a week for most of the summer. She took a music class, a reading and writing class, and she and Cat took a dance class together. It filled Jade's summer mornings and the free lunch that was provided gave her something warm to eat before she headed home to the cold, lonely house.

Cat was actually required to be at school those mornings – she was repeating some of her subjects because she hadn't done as well as her parents would have liked. But once she joined Jade in dance class, she was in her glory – and she was at the top of the class, right beside her best friend.

Regardless of the names her mother used for her, Jade was graceful and intelligent. She amassed every bit of knowledge and skill the teachers could offer her. By the end of the summer, she and Cat were both begging their parents to give them dance and music classes into the school year. Jade carefully offered her requests to her father; if he agreed to pay for them, her mother might not refuse. Although he clearly feared when he'd been told she was capable of – he still loved Jade. And he agreed to arrange the classes.

Elementary school continued in a whirlwind of dance classes, voice lessons, piano lessons, spending time with Cat, and avoiding her mother and her mother's live-in-boyfriend.


	3. Count the Garden

Warning: The chapter is completely dark. It is the main reason this story is rated M. If you'd prefer not to read the completely dark and terrible part, go with the knowledge that John is completely evil, and skip down to the paragraph that begins with "Happy Saturday." You have been warned. Enjoy the story (not the content, the content is terrible).

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Chapter 3 Count the Garden

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. ~Author Unknown

It was fifth grade before Jade's life tilted again. She was bounding gracefully down the stairs, her school bag over one arm and her dance bag in the other, when she reached the kitchen and felt eyes on her. John was staring at her clad in the thin black leotard and pink dance skirt and tights. Ballet class was first thing in the morning, before school, so Jade usually left the house dressed for it. This was the first time she felt the leotard didn't cover enough. John was still leering at her as she pulled a black sweater out of her school bag and shrugged into it. Her mother walked into the kitchen in time to notice.

Jade ducked into the pantry to grab a few granola bars for breakfast and felt her mother's grip tighten on her arm. "You are too old to prance around here like that," her mother said angrily.

"I'm sorry," Jade whispered.

"Buy a bra," her mother spat, "and don't wear that skimpy clothing in this house." Jade nodded and waited until her mother left to exit the pantry and grab her things for the day. She rushed out of the house to crawl into the backseat of Molly's car. Cat was in the front, her hair in a neat bun. Jade always got into trouble for her bun – it was never neat. Hot tears threatened as she stashed her granola bars and lied to Molly and Cat when they asked her how she was.

That afternoon, Molly took them to the mall after tap class because Cat wanted some new toy. Jade said she was going to the department store and broke away. Unfortunately, Molly was fairly good at doing things quickly – so she had Cat had purchased the wanted toy and joined back up with Jade before she figured out what she needed.

Molly figured out quickly what she was looking for and helped her pick out the right ones – much to Jade's embarrassment. She couldn't hide the red flaring against her usually pale cheeks. At home, Jade put on one of the small bras and looked at herself in the mirror. She realized what John had been looking at. She never again left her bedroom without a bra.

The bra was not the end of the conversation. Jade felt John's eyes on her now whenever they were in the same room – and it infuriated her mother. Camilla had threatened to cut off her daughter's hair if she didn't stop flipping it and trying to be such a tramp. Jade wasn't sure how wearing her hair long made her a tramp, but she trusted her mother's threat and started wearing it in a ponytail or bun every day.

On a Friday afternoon, a week or so before Christmas break, Jade returned home to find a note from her mother. The woman would be away on business and Jade should feed herself. Since that was normally what happened, Jade was not concerned. She began pulling out the ingredients for a salad so she could make it and escape up the stairs before John returned home. It was his habit to go to the gym in the afternoon and usually, if Jade planned things correctly, she could make it the entire evening without seeing him as long as she got into her room and behind the closed door before five. If he didn't see her, he didn't usually bother her.

Today, apparently, was not that kind to her. John walked through the front door while she was chopping a tomato. Jade stood her ground; running up the stairs would indicate that she was afraid to be alone with him. And she knew from experience that fear was an emotion that could be – and usually was – exploited by both Camilla and John.

"Well, Princess," John said, leaning into the refrigerator to gram a beer, "making yourself dinner?" Jade nodded. She dropped her dishes into the nearby dishwasher and put her salad into a large bowl. She wasn't hungry yet – so she put the dressing into a separate dish and placed it carefully on the bed of lettuce to make it easier to carry up the stairs.

"Were you going to make me anything?" he asked snidely.

"Would you like a salad?" she responded, as neutrally as she could manage. It was not the time for her true anger at the man to be displayed.

"Oh, Princess, Men don't eat salads. If you want to keep a man, you need to learn how to make real food – steak, potatoes, that kind of thing." Jade didn't respond; she was intolerant to red meat – John knew it.

"Sorry," she answered. "I think there are steaks in the freezer. But I don't know how to make them."

"Of course you don't," John answered. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you're not really all that useful, princess. You're just a spoiled little girl running around the house, flaunting her big girl body. It's really distracting, princess." Jade avoided his eyes and looked to the stairs. What would happen if she just picked up her things and started walking? He saw her gaze move toward the stairs and he laughed.

"Stay down here with me," he said. "Your mom left for some business meeting in Nevada." Jade didn't want to make him angry – and she didn't think she could outrun him, so she sat at the kitchen table and folded her hands around the bottle of water she'd laid out next to her food.

John moved closer, sitting in the chair next to her. Jade scooted to the edge of her chair. His hand reached over to run through her brown locks. "You are pretty, Princess." She sucked in a hard breath; this was not good. She edged away from him and he grabbed her hair, twisting it hard around his fist.

"Going so soon?" Jade tried to kick at him but her feet were bare; it clearly did not faze him. He pulled her hair tighter and used his free hand to caress her delicate skin. She cried out when he cupped one of her small breasts.

"Let me go! Don't touch me! Stop it!" He pinched the tender nipple, ignoring her. She fought with all of her might; she kicked, hit, tried to bite. Damn, he was strong. So much stronger than she was. He dragged her to the floor and held her hands with one of his as he removed his sweaty wife-beater. He ripped it with his teeth and used it to tie her hands securely to the leg of the heavy table. She fought harder; it didn't matter.

She screamed and he encouraged her, laughing as he noted the complete lack of people who would overhear. She stopped then, abruptly, when she realized her screaming made him happier – more excited about what he was doing. She was silent as he caressed her curves and laid kisses where no one should. No sound escaped her lips as he twisted her nipples, causing joint pangs of pain.

Not a muscle did she move as he ripped her jeans from her thin legs and threw them to the side. No tears trickled down her cheeks as his fingers did things she knew were wrong. Her voice screamed inside her head, telling her to do something – but she quieted it and remained still and stony. She wasn't going to allow him to enjoy this any more than he already was.

When he was finished, he had impaled her with his private part – and she felt as though she'd been cut in half. Everything hurt. There was blood. Grunting, he pushed off of her and untied her hands. He looked down at her, the sparkle in her blue eyes muted.

He smiled as he wiped his hands on his ruined shirt. "Not that anyone would believe you – but if you tell a soul – I'll kill you. Just like I did to your little dog." Jade remained on the floor until he'd left. She pulled on her underwear and jeans, cringing in pain as she did so. She fixed her shirt and bra, which had been lifted but not completely removed. Placing plastic wrap over the bowl, she put her salad back into the refrigerator; she wasn't hungry anymore. Using paper towels and a bottle of Lysol, she cleaned the floor of her blood. It reminded her of Ramona and tears streamed for the first time. They had stopped by the time she'd reached her bedroom. She had a box of granola bars, a few apples, and several bottles of water all tucked inside her lunch box. Along with those fortifications, she dragged her comforter, her favorite teddy bear, and several pillows into her bathroom.

She unplugged the base of the cordless phone from her father's old office and carried it into the bathroom, plugging it in above the sink. She found her school bag, packed it with extra books from the library, and dragged into the small room as well. She didn't truly take a deep breath again until the bathroom door was shut and locked behind her. She knew he could knock it down if he tried – she hoped he didn't have an interest.

Drawing herself a bath, she crawled into it and kept silent against the pain. She could see bruises already forming in the places he'd held her, bitten her, and hit her. After she washed away the blood and was able to sit more comfortably, she dialed Cat.

"Tell me stuff." It was all she had to say and Cat's friendly, sun shining voice filled her ears, helping her escape from the reality. Cat talked to her for almost two hours before her mother ordered her off the phone; they were watching a movie as a family. Cat told Jade she loved her and hung up. Jade climbed out of the tub, dried herself off, and changed into pajamas. She lined her fresh pair of underwear the way their health teacher had told them to do when they got their periods. She wished she only had her period.

She dried out the tub and lined it with fluffy towels and pillows before crawling inside with a new book. It was a happy one, the school librarian had promised her. She slept in the bathroom that night and stayed there through the next morning until Cat called around ten.

Jade picked up almost immediately and told Cat to be quiet. She listened to hear if John picked up a different line; he didn't. "Hi," Jade said finally.

"Happy Saturday," Cat said brightly. "My mom and dad are taking me and Mikey to the beach – they said I could invite you. My mom said that if it's okay with your mom, you can sleep over tonight." Jade's breath hitched; she couldn't believe her luck. It was rare that Cat's parents allowed her to have friend time on the weekend – they said the weekends were for family time. They were nice enough parents – but they stuck to their rules.

Jade's mind whirled – how was she going to hide her bruises? She certainly couldn't swim. But she could play on the beach with Cat – that's what the other girl preferred anyway. She would make it work. It had to work.

"My mom is out of town – she won't mind," Jade told Cat. "What time?"

"We'll pick you up at 11:30. Is that okay? My mom is packing a lunch. She's making a veggie sandwich for you."

"That's perfect," Jade said, wanting to cry at the sudden release from her nightmare. John spent the weekend mornings at the gym. He was probably already gone – as proven when he didn't pick up the phone – and he usually didn't return to the house until after noon. She had just enough time to get out. "See you soon."

Jade packed her dance bag with two changes of clothing, pajamas, a few books, and her teddy bear. Cat was the last person to judge her for the small animal that she liked to sleep with. Creeping quietly around her room in case John was still in the house, Jade lamented on what to wear. She settled on a black sundress and thin gray sweater over her swimsuit. She had to keep her underwear on because she was still bleeding. But the dress and sweater covered all but a few of her bruises – and those could be easily explained away by dance class.

She waited for them on the front stairs. If John saw her waiting outside, he couldn't do much – she would still be able to escape. But the Valentine family arrived first. Nancy Valentine laughed as Jade crawled into the back seat of the car. "Sweetheart, aren't you dressed a little too warm for the beach?"

"I'm not warm," Jade answered sincerely, settling into the seat next to Cat and buckling her belt. Frank Valentine had put her school bag and dance bag into the trunk of the car and they were off. The day was a nice one – Jade often forgot what it was like to have adults speak to you like they cared what you had to say. But Nancy always talked to her, asking her about dance classes, school, and home. Jade always avoided the last set of questions by changing the subject and asking about Nancy's dogs. Nancy loved to talk about her dogs. Frank was nice too – but he was usually busy keeping track of Mikey. Mikey was – odd. But Cat loved her older brother, so Jade never commented on his oddities.

After a few minutes of building a sandcastle with Cat, Jade was sweltering. She took off the gray sweater and hoped she was far enough away from the adults that they wouldn't notice her bruises. Cat certainly wasn't going to notice – she was concentrating on the wet sand that was being molded into a monstrous castle. No one did notice her bruises – but Nancy asked her once if she'd hurt herself – apparently she was walking strangely. Jade told her she'd fallen attempting a pirouette. Cat looked confused until Jade told her it had happened while Cat was in the bathroom. Cat didn't remember leaving ballet class on Friday for the bathroom, but she was quickly distracted by a seagull screeching nearby. And Jade's story was safe.

Jade refused to think about home – or John. She had a magical time with the Valentine family. They took her out to dinner and a movie – something her mother never did. They played scrabble when they got back home and both parents praised Jade for her vocabulary. It was certainly different from constantly being told she was stupid.

Saturday night, Jade and Cat curled into the same twin bed and the Valentine parents tucked them in. Jade was surprised when Nancy leaned over Cat and brushed a kiss on her cheek. She supposed one of her parents might have tucked her in at some point – but she certainly didn't remember it.

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I honestly never thought I would write a strong darker than Try Again Tomorrow - but this is turning out - much, much worse. But I feel it explains Jade's personality - and her ability to jump in to help Tori without blinking an eye.


	4. Refuge in Adversity

Thank you so much to all who have read and reviewed. This story is more difficult to write than I could have ever imagined. Let me know if it's working for you. I'm trying to show that Jade is vulnerable but also grow her into the character that she becomes as a teenager (who doesn't appear at first glance to have a vulnerable bone in her body). I'm hoping it works!

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Chapter 4 – A Refuge in Adversity

Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity. ~Aristotle

Sunday was nice. Jade woke up beside Cat and smiled; she was safe and with someone who loved her. Nancy Valentine was in the kitchen making pancakes – minus the gluten. The only person who normally cooked for Jade was the housekeeper – and that was only when she had time between all the things Camilla demanded of her.

After breakfast, Nancy asked the girls if they wanted to take a walk. They went to a nearby park and walked the trails, picking wildflowers and trying to capture pictures of wild animals. They had walked over five miles of the trail when Nancy suggested they turn back.

"Jade, have you heard about Hollywood Arts?" Jade looked at her curiously. She had not. "It's a performing arts school nearby. We're putting in Cat's application. We're going for a tour next week. Would you like to come?"

Jade couldn't believe her ears as she listened to their description of the place. A performing arts school. Dancing. Singing. Writing. Her mother would never let her do it – it would be too enjoyable. "I don't know if my mom would want me to," Jade said softly.

"Talk to her," Nancy said. "I think you have a good chance at a scholarship. If it's okay with her, we would be happy to take you on the tour and help with the application." They knew from years of spending time with Jade that her mother didn't take her anywhere – and that if left to her own devices, Jades would be going to the public middle school the following year. Jade would excel in academics on her own – but Nancy worried about her socially – she knew Cat was Jade's only friend. Besides, they didn't want to separate their daughter from her best friend.

Jade was on edge for the rest of the day. She needed to talk to her father. Her mother would never go for it – but Alex West might. When the Valentines dropped her off at home, she saw that her mother's car was in the driveway. Her knees shook as she approached the foreboding edifice and entered.

Camilla West was sitting in the living room, waiting for her daughter. Her green eyes turned icy as she started at Jade. "How dare you leave without asking permission," she said angrily. "Who do you think you are?" John was sitting in an easy chair, watching television, but his ears were clearly turned into their conversation.

"I asked John. On Friday night," Jade said firmly, her eyes popping up to meet his.

"I must have forgotten," he said uncomfortably. This was the price for her silence.

"Well, next time, you call me," Camilla said angrily. "Get away from me." Jade ran up the stairs to her room and closed the door behind her. She took a few deep breaths and tried to block out her mother – she would not let that woman ruin the lovely day she'd had with the Valentine family. And she certainly wouldn't let her forget about the new opportunity she'd been handed.

Jade called her father that night and asked him to pick her up after school. He was able to rearrange his schedule and agreed. He took her to an early dinner and she handed him all of the information about Hollywood Arts that the school librarian had been able to help her find. He was hesitant.

"Jade, do you know how many people make it in show business? Not that many. It's not a good idea to limit yourself to an industry that is so difficult to get into."

"They have good academics too," Jade said, showing him one of the pages the librarian had printed for her. "They have advanced classes – better than the public school ones – and people who have gone to really good colleges. I promise I'll take all of the academics. Please." It took the rest of dinner, but eventually she convinced her father to let her audition for Hollywood Arts.

The tour was on Tuesday afternoon. Jade was in awe as they walked into the brightly colored, wildly hectic building. There were paintings and instruments everywhere. Cat was bouncing happily as they walked toward the front office.

Lane Alexander, the guidance counselor, was waiting for them. He introduced himself and gave them a tour of the school. Jade fell more in love with the place with each step she took. Cat never stopped talking but Jade barely said a word – she was drinking in the possibilities.

The library was six times the size of the one in their elementary school. They had classes on every instrument imaginable and more writing classes than Jade had dreamed existed. Dance classes were not only provided, they were required. No more avoiding the dodge ball or running laps in gym class. Lane, as he asked to be called, introduced them to several teachers as they went on the tour.

It was Sikowitz who intrigued Jade – he was clearly insane. But he knew everything there was to know about acting. They watched an after-school workshop he was holding for only a few minutes – and they could see he was a genius. They were also introduced to several other more down-to-earth and traditional teachers. One thing they all shared in common – they all had a passion for one or more of the performing or fine arts. Lane was a dancer – one of the history teachers could sing circles around most pop starts – one of the science teachers was a master pianist. There were English teachers whose works were being published and brought to stages and screens across the world.

Jade knew before the tour was over that this was her chance. This was where she belonged – and this was where she would find her future. Away from her mother – away from that huge, lonely house. Her father had written a check for the application fee, so she was able to apply that day with Cat. Lane gave them invitation to the auditions and told them what to expect – and how to prepare. Jade promised herself she would work on nothing else for the next three weeks. That audition was hers.

She practiced her dance and her song every change she got – mostly during school. Her homeroom teacher and the music teacher were friends – and had agreed that Jade could spend recess and quiet study times in the music room. She'd never taken such advantage of that arrangement as she did in those three weeks. The music teacher helped her perfect the song she planned to sing and watched her feverishly practice her dance. Cat practiced too – but she was more oblivious to her skills – she simply began to dance – and it happened for her. She was poetry in motion from birth. Jade was more practiced – more precise.

Jade never spoke of the audition at home. She tried never to leave her bedroom unless it was completely necessary. The only one who knew of her audition was her father – and he never spoke to her mother. The audition was on a Tuesday, exactly three weeks after the tour. On Sunday evening, Jade had cooked herself a small helping of zucchini pasta – it was something Molly had taught her to make. It was easy and it didn't contain any of her allergens. She was hurriedly putting her used dishes into the washer when her mother came in the door, throwing her briefcase on the kitchen table and her suit jacket over the back of a chair. She had gone from working at home when Jade was small to working mostly every day at the office or on business trips. She had been gone since Friday this time – leaving Jade with the monster who defined far too many of her nights.

Jade said nothing; it was best to wait and see if her mother would acknowledge her. If not, she would stand there until her mother left the room and then go about her business.

"Your father called me today," Camilla said sharply. No such luck. Jade turned to face her, hands resting lightly against the granite counter. Her mother had a thin, dangerous smile creeping onto her lips. "So you think you're going to be a ballerina?"

"I want to write," Jade argued. Sure, she loved dancing – but that was a hobby. She wanted to go to Hollywood Arts for the opportunity it would give her to create the stories they were singing, to mold the stories brought to life by dancers and actors. Her mother ignored this. She moved closer to Jade – who kept her ground. This was not happening, her brain told her. This was impossible. The audition was in two days. Two days was all she needed.

"When will you get it into your odd little head, darling," the woman said cruelly, "you will never amount to anything. Certainly not a pretty little ballerina." Before Jade knew what was happening, her mother had a firm grasp on her ponytail – and everything went black.

Jade didn't know exactly what happened, but she woke alone in a puddle of blood. It was small, she realized with relief. The blood was coming from a cut at the side of her head and it had already clotted fairly well. She used a dish towel to clean up the mess and went to her bathroom to assess the damage. Her vision was swimming – but it stopped when she closed her eyes. So she figured it would be best to go to bed. She wished she could pilfer ibuprofen or Tylenol from her mother's stock – but she knew what a bad idea it would be if she were caught. Instead, she washed her hair of the blood, dried it carefully with a towel, and crawled into bed.

She never woke for her alarm Monday, so she missed school. No one usually saw her out the door, so she knew if she were quiet – they wouldn't notice her. Her mother was at work – but John could still be in the house. She stayed in bed all day, her stomach not even recognizing hunger for the pain in her head.

Surprisingly, she woke to the feeling of a cool hand on her head – who in the world could that be? She opened her eyes to see Molly and Cat crouched over her. Cat looked worried – her dark brown eyes close to tears. Molly was an adult, so she didn't give her emotions away quite as easily – but she too looked concerned.

"You didn't come to school," Cat informed her.

"Sorry," Jade said weakly.

"My mom's on her way – Molly can't find your mom."

"No," Jade argued. "I'm fine."

"Well, Miss Jade," Molly said sternly. "I wouldn't call having a gash in the side of my head fine at all. How did that happen?"

"I fell," Jade said stonily. Before Molly could argue with the lame excuse, Nancy Valentine walked into the room, followed by an irritable looking John. She worked part time at the hospital as a pediatric nurse – she knew how certain injuries looked; so it was dangerous for Jade that she was there. So she couldn't lie – but she needed to bend the truth. "I fell against the kitchen counter," she said, as Nancy slipped in next to Molly to assess the damage.

Nancy clucked her tongue as she pulled Jade's hair aside to survey the gash. "You probably needed stiches – it's a wonder it stopped bleeding. And you probably have a concussion. Why didn't you go to the hospital?"

"I didn't tell anyone it happened," Jade answered.

"She certainly didn't," Camilla West said, entering the room on a jog. "My poor baby." She pushed everyone out of the way and Jade was confused; her mother had never hugged her. But here she was, doing just that. Jade trembled in fear; if Molly, Cat and Nancy left right now – she was primarily sure she'd never see them again. She could feel the anger radiating off her mother as she neared. She didn't know how her mother would kill her – but she had no doubt that she would.

"What happened, baby?" Jade wasn't sure at first who she was addressing in such calming tones but she eventually spit out an answer.

"L-last night," Jade said. "I was putting my dishes away and hit my head on the counter."

"You poor dear. You should have told me," Camilla purred.

"I'm sorry," Jade answered quietly.

"I can close the wound with liquid stitches," Nancy said. "She needs to put ice on it for thirty minutes on, thirty minutes off. Molly, could you get an icepack?" Molly disappeared from the room.

"We can do that," Camilla informed Nancy. "You've done enough."

"It's not a problem," Nancy informed her. She asked Jade questions about her vision and the pain. She then parted Jade's hair around the wound, cleaned it, and used liquid stitches to pull the sides together. It hurt – but not as much as it had the day before.

Cat held Jade's hand as her mother closed the wound, curling into her side. Jade didn't make a sound as the procedure was being done. After she finished, Nancy took the icepack from Molly and placed it against the wound – Jade felt immediate relief. Nancy helped her lie down, The icepack resting between her head and the pillow.

Jade was sleeping within minutes. Cat begged to be allowed to stay and eventually she was granted her wish; Camilla could think of no good reason to refuse. So, Molly and Cat stayed the night – the tiny brunette curled up beside her best friend and the nanny sleeping in a nearby armchair.

"What a shame," Camilla said as she walked Nancy to the front door. "She was so looking forward to that audition."

"I'll call the guidance counselor. I'm sure she can reschedule the audition – or leave out the dance portion." Camilla fought to keep a straight face.

"How kind of you. You really don't need to worry – perhaps it's for the best. She's so clumsy, my poor little Jade. Maybe dancing isn't the best thing for her." Nancy didn't answer; she still intended to call the school. She never did like Camilla West; and she was starting not to trust her.

When Jade woke the next morning, she felt worlds better – and she was insistent that she be allowed to go to the audition. Molly let them both stay home from school and made sure Jade stayed in bed, resting until it was time to leave for the audition.

Nancy Valentine had explained the situation to Lane and he agreed that Jade should only do the singing part of her audition. She'd received a glowing letter of recommendation from all of her dance teachers, so it would be enough. As they were waiting for their auditions, Jade and Cat watched as three other girls left the theatre in tears. Jade had read enough about the school to know it was a competitive place; she crossed her fingers that both she and Cat would make it.

Jade watched as Cat performed her song and dance. She was breathtaking. She brought sunshine into every word. Jade's heart was pounding. She didn't have two chances to prove herself anymore; she had one. She couldn't dance; she could barely walk across the room without becoming dizzy. So her song had to be perfect. After Cat's audition, Jade walked over to the piano and situated herself. She answered questions from the five teachers on the panel and before she knew it, the time had come.

She closed her eyes and began; the song came naturally – she had been practicing it for weeks. It was an odd choice for an eleven year old, but she sang with such a deep, soulful voice that they quickly forgot her age and were embraced by the song.

_The lights go out all around me_  
_One last candle to keep out the night_  
_And then the darkness surrounds me_  
_I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died_  
_And all that's left is to accept that it's over_  
_My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made_  
_I try to keep warm but I just grow colder_  
_I feel like I'm slipping away_

_After all this has passed, I still will remain_  
_After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain_  
_Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again_  
_And there'll be beauty from pain_  
_You will bring beauty from my pain_

_My whole world is the pain inside me_  
_The best I can do is just get through the day_  
_When life before is only a memory_  
_I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place_  
_And though I can't understand why this happened_  
_I know that I will when I look back someday_  
_And see how you've brought beauty from ashes_  
_And made me as gold purified through these flames_

_After all this has passed, I still will remain_  
_After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain_  
_Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again_  
_And there'll be beauty from pain_  
_You will bring beauty from my pain_

_Here I am at the end of me (at the end of me)_  
_Tryin' to hold to what I can't see (to what I can't see)_  
_I forgot how to hope_  
_This night's been so long_  
_I cling to Your promise_  
_There will be a dawn_

_After all this has passed, I still will remain_  
_After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain_  
_Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again_  
_And there'll be beauty from pain_  
_You will bring beauty from my pain_

It was over before she could even worry about how she sounded. Suddenly, applause erupted and her eyes flew open. They were all smiling at her.

Principal Eichner stood and walked over to the piano. He held out his hand to Jade and she took it. "Miss West, welcome to Hollywood Arts." Jade froze – she couldn't believe her ears. The principal was walking over to Cat and welcoming her as well – they had both made it. They would start sixth grade together at Hollywood Arts.

* * *

The lyrics are from "Beauty from Pain" by Superchick. If you've never heard it - go to YouTube and listen. It's lovely (and haunting).

Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a review – let me know your thoughts. In the next chapter, we will meet Andre, Robbie, and – Beck!


	5. Until He Arrives

Thank you so much for all who have read and reviewed so far. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I had this ready two days ago – but I haven't had internet for three days – finally I got a new router (can I mention that I hate my Internet/television company) – and here it is. Thanks for reading – I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

* * *

Chapter 5 Until He Arrives

_Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive_. ~Anäis Nin

For the next two years, Jade survived at home and thrived at school. She refused to allow the two places to meet. She was at the top of every class, never receiving less than an A. She and Cat were both featured in showcases, something that rarely happened for sixth and seventh graders.

They made friends. Cat, far more than Jade. But the darker brunette felt the need to be selective. She didn't have time to worry about the stupidity of others; she had a life to survive at home. Choosing carefully the people she surrounded herself with could either make her life easier – or end it. So, while Cat was out being friendly to anyone with a pulse, Jade kept to herself and focused on school.

She made several exceptions. Robbie had attached himself to Cat on the first day of sixth grade and despite her almost constant desire to hit him; Jade occasionally found he was decent company. He was especially useful when she wanted conversation going and didn't want to be an actual part of it – he, Cat, and his blasted puppet could keep up a three part conversation that took them straight through lunch without a comment needed from Jade. (Except the occasional need for her to glare at him threateningly if his jokes became too crude).

Andre came along a month or so into the school year. He's been scoping out his friendship opportunities and simply one day decided he belonged with Cat, Jade, and Robbie. It didn't hurt that Jade was the only person in the school who could approach his musical abilities on the piano. They had been paired up in piano lab almost immediately when they'd both outplayed the teacher. At another school, Jade knew that surpassing the teacher would have meant a year of being glared at and made to feel miserable. At Hollywood Arts, it meant your own class and they hired you a master pianist to teach you more.

Looking back, she'd never intended to be the mean girl. But it quickly snowballed until that was her role. She kept to herself – strike one. She wore dark colors – strike two. She refused to participate in social activities – strike three. Jade knew she had two choices. She could become a loser who was looked over or made fun of; or she could become that ice queen that everyone feared. She refused to be cowardly at home and at school, so she took on the frostier role.

The attitude began little by little. Her first outburst was with a dance teacher who questioned her long-sleeved leotard. The standard class costume was a cap-sleeved leotard but on that particular day, it would have led to many questions – so Jade went with the long sleeved model instead. Madame Boulaire was unhappy with the choice and tried to shame Jade in front of the class. Jade's eyed flared, her tongue unleashed - lashed back - and sent the older woman back-peddling. Within weeks, she'd used the technique on several teachers and upper classmen. The rumors were that she was deeply disturbed. She was okay with that; so long as they left her alone.

Her first official trip to Lane's office happened half way through her 6th grade year. She sat primly on the sofa, staring at him intently; he was as unnerved as anyone else by the ice-blue daggers she was able to glare. "Jade, you're frightening some of your teachers."

"That's not my problem," Jade told him.

"Do you not like your classes?"

"I love them," she answered simply.

"Can you explain why you've been yelling at teachers and fellow students?"

"They were being stupid," Jade answered.

The conversation continued to go around in circles until lane finally allowed her to leave because he was exhausted. He called her mother that afternoon; Jade missed school for three days because her face was too swollen for the bruises to sufficiently be covered with mere makeup.

If Cat's nanny or parents were ever concerned about Jade's wellbeing, it frittered away in those first years at Hollywood Arts. In that time period, Cat's brother Michael was diagnosed with schizophrenia. All of the family time and energy that was once divided equally between children was from then on directed at Michael. Cat didn't take it well – Jade watched helplessly as she became infantile in many ways to try and win back her parents' attention. The tiny girl, who had dyed her hair bright red, was still sunny and cheerful. But her attention span had dwindled, her concentration suffered, and she occasionally spoke in random riddles. She and Jade still spent as much time together as possible – but Cat's afternoons and weekends were spent with her brother while he was being shuffled from one doctor to the next.

Jade's afternoons, which had once been spent with Cat and filled with new and exciting opportunities, were now spent in after school workshops, practice rooms, or the library. Before the end of 7th grade, she had learned every string instrument and had taken a particular interested in the allusive hammered dulcimer. A visiting teacher had introduced it, so she had only books for teachers – but she was learning fairly well on her own.

She would catch the latest bus possible that would get her home before her mother and she would attempt to sneak to her room. More often than not, John would hunt her down anyway – but she always began the day in the hopes that he would have forgotten about her. He wasn't careful about what he did, when he did it, or if Camilla might overhear.

Jade realized, after the first year or so of constant abuse, that her mother knew what he was doing. She was sick to her stomach for days after the realization had hit. Did her mother hate her that much? Was she so terrible a person that she deserved this? How could a mother let someone do such a thing to her own daughter?

Once she left the cold mansion, she refused to allow herself think of any of it – she focused on Ancient Greek plays, geometric proofs, and elements on the periodic table of elements. She kept her promise to her father – she received A's not only on every quarter, but on every assignment. Despite what her teachers called an unpleasant attitude, she never turned in any work that was incomplete or incorrect.

As frightening and unpredictable as her life could be at home, Jade fought to make her life at school just as balanced and perfect. Nothing could break her concentration; until the new boy arrived at the beginning of 8th grade.

Jade and Cat had heard rumors about him for a solid four hours before they laid eyes on Beck Oliver. Jade would have preferred not to have met him at all. The entire school was enamored by the new boy; and she rarely found delight in what others appreciated.

But Andre ruined her plans to stay away from the new boy; he brought him to sit with them at lunch. Cat bounced on the bench next to Jade, delighted to meet a new person. It didn't hurt that he was ridiculously gorgeous. It was ridiculous, Jade thought. He could have at least attempted to look like he didn't know he was hot. But Beck Oliver was sure of himself; and so laid back and carefree that she wasn't sure how he could manage to walk; he gave the impression of an always-lounging kind of guy.

"Beck, this is Robbie Shapiro, Jade West, and Cat Valentine. Guys, this is Beck Oliver."

"Hi, hi," Cat said excitedly, bouncing out of her seat to hug him. He returned it with a surprised laugh; he didn't think 8th grade boys were supposed to enjoy hugs – even from pretty girls.

"Hey," Robbie said in friendly greeting. "This is Rex."

"As Andre rudely left out of his introductions," Rex added in a haughty voice. Jade simply raised an eyebrow at Beck and then turned her attention back to her salad. She never knew if she would eat dinner; lunch was a completely necessary part of her day.

"Did I do something wrong?" Beck asked, after Jade refused to acknowledge him. He slid onto the bench next to Andre. Daily, Jade secured them a table at the Asphalt Café. The rest of the tables were filled with upperclassmen while most in grades 6-8 ate in the cafeteria.

"Nah," Andre said with a shrug. "That's just Jade. She's trying to decide if she likes you or not." He paused and looked at Beck with a serious expression. "Don't hold your breath while she's deciding." Jade looked up long enough to glare and grimace at Andre, who laughed good-naturedly.

She was silent for the rest of the lunch period while her three friends filled in the new boy about all that was life at Hollywood Arts. He was interested in acting and writing – not really so much in singing or dancing. He played the guitar and didn't plan to learn any other instruments. He was limiting himself, Jade thought. But he was so damn handsome – he probably didn't actually need any acting skills to make millions of dollars in romantic comedies.

Jade found herself thinking about the new boy at inopportune times over the next few days; when she was supposed to be listening in class, when she was practicing an instrument – and it annoyed her to no end. The more she avoided him, the more Beck was interested. He brushed aside the girls who hounded him and remained a constant presence at the lunch table. Jade considered not going to lunch; but she refused to allow her insecurity over some boy keep her from eating the one meal she was certain she would receive daily.

Two weeks after his arrival at Hollywood Arts, Beck approached Jade at her locker. She looked at him with a slightly curious expression as she shoved books for her classes into her black and purple bag. Most students were not bold enough to sidle up to Jade on purpose. She had viciously snapped at a ninth grader just that week for crowding her at her locker; the boy had quickly fled – but rumor had it that he was reduced to tears. Truthfully, Jade didn't even know who he was – her vision had blurred and her breathing became ragged when he's bumped into a painful spot on her hip.

"What do you want?" she asked hurriedly, turning to face Beck and closing her locker with a swift slam.

"My music teacher is making me learn something other than the guitar," Beck informed her. Her eyes narrowed. Before she could ask why she would care about that particular fact, he continued.

"Andre said you're really great at the piano – and I'm not doing so well with the lessons. Would you consider helping me?"

"No," Jade answered quickly. He blinked – it was not the reaction he had expected.

"I'll do it anytime you want – my schedule is pretty free since we just moved here."

"No," Jade repeated. "Ask Andre. He's much better at the piano."

"A better pianist," Beck agreed. "But he said you're a better teacher. He said you taught Cat how to play the woodwinds. And she seems – " Jade raised an eyebrow while he fought to find an adjective to describe her best friend. "She seems like she would be hard to teach," he finally said, settling for saying almost nothing at all. Jade smirked.

"There was a lot of sugar-free candy involved in that process," she admitted with something akin to a smile. Cat had a terrible attention span that had only worsened with her brother's illness and her parents' preoccupation. Jade had been forced to ply her with treats to gain her concentration for the time it had taken to teach her the flute. Cat had picked it, and the following instruments, up quickly – after they had fallen into a rhythm that matched her mental and emotional quirks.

"So, you'll do it?" Beck asked.

"No," Jade answered sternly.

"Why not?"

"I'm busy," she answered confidently.

"Please?" Beck asked. "Seriously – my parents' aren't all that excited about my going to a performing arts school – if I fail a class, they won't take my acting plans seriously. You're my only hope. I have an exam in piano in two weeks – and if I don't ace it – I'm done."

"Begging is unbecoming," Jade informed him. His face fell and she could tell he was preparing to turn away. She shrugged. "But I'll do it."

"Thank you!" He said, in a voice that was normal for most people but she was guessing was his version of excited. He tried to hug her and she stepped back and put up her hand.

"Do not touch me," she said sharply. He nodded and apologized and thanked her again. He turned and walked toward a classroom and Jade groaned as the bell rang; she was going to be late.

During lunch that day, she bequeathed him with her conversation long enough to set up their first tutoring session in one of the private practice rooms after school the next day. Andre was smiling and Jade got away from Cat and instead walked out of lunch with the brilliant pianist.

Once they were away from the largest horde of the lunch crowd, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a side hallway. "Hey, watch it," he cried, surprised when his wrist started going in the opposite direction of his feet. He was able to quickly regain his coordination and follow the slim brunette.

"What's wrong?"

"Get him to back off," Jade said sharply.

"Who?" Andre asked, "Beck?"

"Yes, Beck," Jade spat. "Why would you tell him I would teach him piano? You're better than I am and a perfectly good tutor. You just helped that Heasley girl last semester."

"First of all – Haley was hot," Andre told her. "And besides," he said with a wide grin, "he likes you, not me."

"I don't want him to like me. He can't like me," Jade answered seriously. Her voice was full of enough panic that Andre realized immediately that this conversation had nothing to do with whether or not she liked Beck; it had to do with the pure terror currently emanating from her usually frosty persona.

"Alright," he said calmly. "I'll talk to him." He paused. "But could you still help him? He really does need it – and I can't stay after school the next two weeks – my grandma had surgery and I have to go over after school and keep her company." Jade looked hesitant and was already shaking her head. Andre continued his pleading. "He's a nice guy, Jade. Even if you're not interested otherwise – he's a good friend."

"I'll help him," Jade responded. "But you owe me."

"Like there's anything you couldn't make me want to do for you, Jade West," Andre retorted with a smile. "You be nice to the new boy. He's too laid back for the "mean Jade" act."

"It's not an act," Jade responded sharply.

"Sure it's not, Jadey," he said, teasing her with the name that only Cat – and only on occasion – could get away with. She glared but he simply laughed. He was smart enough that he'd backed away by that time and was able to cruise down the hall, escaping Jade and leaving her to be late for a second class in the same day.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought. Beck has arrived. What do you think? Did it makes sense, the order in which they all became friends? I always thought, other than the episode "Jade Gets Crushed" when Andre said he's afraid of her, that they were pretty good friends on the show. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) taking the time to review.


	6. Enjoy What You Can

Thanks for all the lovely reviews! To clarify a question I've received a few times – Tori will not appear until the 10th grade (like she does on the show). Right now, they are in the 8th grade.

Warning: this chapter gets a little graphic again. But now that Beck is in the pictures – these days of these incidents are numbered. If you want to skip the unpleasant parts, I put a line break above and below. You can move forward with the knowledge that John is still the second worst human being on the earth – Camilla being the first.

* * *

Chapter 6 - Enjoy What You Can

_Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must._ ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Beck was late. It was only five minutes, but it was enough to set Jade fuming – she had used her own time to outline the first part of the piano syllabus – she was ready to help despite her best judgment – and where was he?

He appeared – six minutes late – with an arm full of packaged things. He handed her a can of Wahoo Punch and a bag of trail mix. He kept for himself another can of the sugary beverage and several sugary-looking snacks. She looked at him in a mix of confusion and annoyance.

"Andre said you have a lot of food allergies – but I saw you eating that last week – so I figured it was good." Jade was surprised; first – that Andre had realized her food allergies. She'd never told him – maybe Cat had? Second – that Beck had noticed the week before when she'd been munching on trail mix. It hadn't been at lunch - it had been at the end of the day – before a two hour ballet workshop where she'd knew she'd need the energy to keep up.

"You're late," she informed him.

"I'm always hungry at the end of the day," Beck answered. "My mom says it's the growth spurt – but my Dad says it's because I'm a guy. Either way, I need to eat when that last bell rings."

"Do Fat Cakes really constitute food?" Jade asked in a dry tone. She'd realized they were contained in two of the three packages he held – the other one was a bag of chips. Beck smiled before biting into one. She allowed him to eat and – based solely on the current emptiness of her own stomach – partook in the trail mix.

After he finished eating, he was surprised when he was made to wash his hands – Jade was not letting him touch the spinet piano with salty, greasy fingers. For close to 45 minutes, she led him through the exercises and songs he would need to play for his teacher. He was bad; she gave him that. She offered him the tricks she'd taught herself over the years and showed him the scales she'd practiced with her nimble fingers. He had large hands – and he needed to be quicker with them to play the piano well. He would need to practice being more dexterous. He complained when she told him that – he said he was perfectly dexterous when he was helping his dad work on cars. She looked at the piano in front of them and cocked her head to the side.

"Does this look like a car to you?" She paused. "That could be the underlying problem." Beck howled and Jade simply smirked. She looked at the clock and began packing her things.

"Can I try that last scale one more time?"

"I have to go," Jade told him.

"Is someone picking you up?"

"Yes," Jade said, "the bus. And it doesn't wait. So I'm leaving."

"My mom could give you a ride—"

"No," Jade answered.

"Come on—"

"No," she repeated, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow. Practice," she said warningly. "I'll know if you don't." He was sure she would. She was out of the practice room and down the hall before he packed his own book bag.

The rest of the week fell into that pattern; he would bring something for them both to eat and they would work on what Jade called his "pukish piano skills" until she needed to catch the bus. She continued to refuse his offers of his mother's driving services. On Friday, she found she no longer had that choice.

It was pouring down rain when Ella Oliver parked in front of the school and walked into the building. She shook water out of her umbrella before asking for directions and walking to the music practice rooms. She found her son and his tutor quickly – he really wasn't very good at the instrument and the rooms were not quite sound proof.

She knocked on the door and it swung open to reveal Beck. Behind him, at the piano bench, sat an annoyed-looking brunette. "Sorry to interrupt," Ella said sincerely.

"Mom, what's up?" Beck asked easily.

"Apparently, rain clouds," Ella answered. She looked again at the girl at the piano. "You must be Jade. I'm Ella, Beck's mom."

"Hi," Jade said thinly.

"Beck told me you take the bus home – but it's pouring rain out there – it's coming in buckets. Please let me drive you home."

"I'll be fine," Jade assured her, beginning to pack her back. Their tutoring session was clearly over. "Despite what the last name might indicate, I won't melt."

Ella stifled a laugh. "I insist," she said firmly. "I got all the way out of the car because Beck said you're stubborn – and I knew you wouldn't accept a ride from him."

Jade looked at Beck in surprised. "You think I'm stubborn?"

"What would you call it?" Beck asked bravely. Jade looked between him and his mother and sighed.

"Fine. You people are relentless."

"It's so much easier than being stubborn," Ella told her with a smile. Jade glared but they could both see the smile she was biting back; it lit up her eyes.

Jade sat in the front while Beck sat in the back; Ella insisted. The young mother – a woman who was no older than Camilla West and carried her years with much more grace – peppered Jade with questions. She wanted to know far more than Jade wanted to share – but she was able to get some information. Jade directed them to her house. When the pulled in front of it, she knew what they would say.

"You have a beautiful house, dear," Mrs. Oliver said. Jade knew it wasn't beautiful. It was imposing – expensive – humungous. But it was not beautiful. But it was the word people used. She muttered a quick thanks for the ride and darted from the car – reaching the front door without getting too wet. She turned back and waved, waiting for them to pull away before she used her key to let herself in. She was glad she did; John was waiting on the other side of the door. His clothing suggested he had skipped the gym that day, giving Jade no window of opportunity to avoid him.

* * *

"Please don't do this today," Jade said softly, his height of six foot six looming over her. She was tall for her age – over five foot six – but it was nothing compared to her monster. He took her bag from her shoulder and threw it aside, knocking over a decorative umbrella stand. "Please," she repeated. "I have my period." It was a wild attempt and it had never stopped him before; but she was still sore from the pain he'd caused her earlier in the week. She'd had a nice afternoon with Beck and even with his mother – she didn't want it to be tainted. She didn't want to know that they'd seen her walk into this.

John roughly plunged his hand into the front of her jeans, bypassed her underwear, and shoved two fingers painfully inside her. She cried out and attempted to pull away but that earned her a quick smack with the other hand. He pulled out his fingers and waved them for her to see.

"You shouldn't lie, Princess," he said darkly. "Especially about things that can be so clearly proven untrue. I think you forget what happens when you're a bad girl."

"Please – I'm sorry – I'm sorry." He ignored her pleas and the screams that followed as he carried her up the stairs and raped and sodomized her on her own bedroom floor. Jade tried to muffle the screams – she knew they only excited him – but she couldn't stop the tears. She was so tired. So, explosively exhausted of the lot she'd been dealt.

At one point, the pain was too much for her to bear; she'd lost consciousness. She woke to darkness; the sun had set and her room light had not been switched on. Sitting still for several minutes to steady herself, she eventually used the door to pull herself to her feet and flip on the light. Blood and semen stained her light purple carpet; she had no idea how she was going to deal with that. First, she had to deal with herself. She moved tentatively around the room, bracing the desk chair under her doorknob so no one would walk in.

Her brain, already slipping into its self-preservation mode, was more worried that they'd track the stain than simply that they would see it. She bathed; she knew her legs wouldn't hold her up for very long in the shower. The pain was unbearable; he'd only sodomized her once before – and Jade had sworn she was going to die. This time, she was wise enough to realize she wasn't that lucky.

* * *

She stayed in the bathtub for hours, the water acting as a natural soother of her pain. Eventually, she was forced to exit the bathroom and clean her carpet. With little more to use than water, towels, and bath soap – she thought she did a fairly good job. There were still spots – but they didn't look like what they were – so Jade felt that was a job well done. Her mother rarely walked into her room, so Jade thought it would suffice.

She curled into bed soon after and felt into a deep slumber. She didn't know why she didn't have nightmares, but she was thankful for it – she had enough trauma in the daytime to appreciate dark, quiet nights.

Saturdays were difficult to gage. Sometimes she could walk around the house and get away with it; she would be completely ignored. Other times, showing her face was simply an invitation for constant verbal and occasional physical abuse from her mother. That day, Jade wasn't willing to risk it. She stayed in bed until almost noon, reading a vapid book the librarian had suggested for her. She would have to redefine her book preferences before asking the woman for any more suggestions.

Around lunchtime, Jade ate a granola bar from the stash hidden in her sock drawer and took a shower. She dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, dried her hair, and crawled back into bed with a new book. She wanted to call Cat but she'd never had the chance to grab the cordless phone the night before; and nothing was worth the risk of leaving her room. Everything between her navel and knees still throbbed, not quite keeping time with the pain in her head.

Around three, she was startled to hear her mother calling her name. Her mother rarely said her name. "You" or "brat" or "bitch" seemed like her mother's top preferences. Jade threw a black lace sweater over her t-shirt and ran down the stairs in her bare feet; keeping her mother waiting was not something she felt was a healthy idea.

Camilla was standing at the bottom of the stairs but she was not alone. Beck and a very upset-looking Cat were standing in the foyer. Jade's mother shot her a look of derision. Jade looked at Cat. "What are you guys doing here?" she asked, eyeing Cat carefully. Cat knew. Cat knew enough to not come unannounced. Or to come ever. They didn't spend time at Jade's house; for a very good reason that was never spoken aloud. But Cat looked upset – so Jade realized this had not been her decision.

"Mrs. West," Beck said with a handsome smile, "my mom is driving us to the new Ice Cream place and then to go bowling. We're meeting Robbie and Andre at the Ice Cream Parlor. Cat said Jade doesn't usually go out on the weekend – but I wanted to thank her for helping me with my piano class. Can Jade come with us? It's my treat." Jade glared at him but Beck ignored her.

"Who is this?" Camilla asked. She knew who the practically sniffling redhead was; she was never very impressed by Cat's presence. But Beck was handsome. And even at 13, he was alluring. Jade hated that her mother found him attractive. She hated that she knew what her mother was thinking.

"Beck Oliver. He started Hollywood Arts this year," she told her mother. "Beck, this is my mother – Camilla West."

"Ms. West," Camilla told him, correcting his prior address. She held out her hand and Beck shook it.

"I'm sorry," Beck answered.

"Not a problem," Camilla said in response. She looked up at Jade, who was still standing several stairs up from the bottom, about a head higher than her mother.

"Thanks for the invite," Jade said gruffly. "But I'm really not feeling well – I better not."

"Please," Beck responded. "You look okay. We won't stay out long. And I know you can't eat ice cream – but they're supposed to have really good smoothies too."

"You shouldn't disappoint your friends, Jade," he mother said, as though she were simply chiding her. But Jade heard the warning.

"I'll get my shoes and meet you in the car," Jade said, turning to walk up the stairs. She tried to take them at a normal stride, ignoring the pain. After she'd put on socks and pulled on her normal pair of heavy black boots, she had a sheen of sweat on her brow from the effort. She washed her face, pinched her cheeks to bring color to her ghostly pallor, and grabbed the purse from her school bag. Beck and Cat were waiting outside like she had told them, but Camilla was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"So you tell all your friends I'm some horrible witch who won't let you go out on the weekends?" Camilla asked quietly.

"No," Jade stammered. Her mother had a firm grip on the soft skin at the back of her arm. It was a hard enough hold to cause pain.

"We'll talk about this when you get home," Camilla said as she released her hold. "Have a great time!" she called loudly as Jade walked out the door. She stood in the doorway and waved as they pulled away from the curb.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review. This is probably the most difficult story I've ever written. I seriously never cried writing something until I came to this story. But at the same time, it is weaving itself so quickly that I have to just keep writing. I hope you enjoyed (or appreciated – I guess enjoy is a weird word for the content of this story) this part. Happy times are coming - seriously, they are.


	7. The Loudest Voice

So… remember when I said happier times were coming? It didn't mean in this chapter. I was working ahead – happy times will arrive. Jade will escape her mother and John in a few chapters. Thanks as always for reading. Sorry it's so depressing - did not set out to write such a sad story – but I will try to balance with the happy later. Enjoy:

* * *

Chapter 7 - The Loudest Voice

There are times when silence has the loudest voice. ~Leroy Brownlow

Jade sat in the backseat and Cat moved over into the middle seat to be next to her. "I'm sorry. I told him your mom would be mad," Cat said softly, her voice covered by the conversation Ella was having with Beck in the front.

"It's okay," Jade assured her, gripping her hand as it slid into Jade's own lap. "What flavor ice cream are you getting?" The question was good enough to distract Cat from the depressing atmosphere of the West household. Once Jade switched her brain into away-from home mode, she had a good time. It was funny to watch Robbie attempt to bowl. Cat surprised everyone by being a particularly good bowler – she had a score of over two hundred in all three games they played. Jade worked hard to play without showing she was in pain and none of her friends noticed. It was only Ella Oliver, who saw her walking from the ladies room to the lanes, who questioned it. Jade told her she'd pulled a muscle during dance class on Friday and the conversation was closed.

At one point, Jade found herself alone with Beck. His mother and Cat were at the snack bar, Robbie was in the arcade, and Andre was flirting with a girl several lanes over. "Don't ever do this again," Jade told him sternly.

"I thought you might have fun," Beck said. "Cat and Andre said you don't do anything but school work."

"It's not your business what I do," Jade told him. "Please respect that in the future." The chill in her voice caught him off guard and he agreed sadly. The rest of the evening was tense between the two of them but Robbie, Cat, and Andre created enough noise to negate it. When the car stopped in front of her house, Jade thanked Ella, gave Cat a quick hug, and walked to her front door. Her mother was not waiting. Jade let out a sigh of relief and walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Unfortunately, she should have been wearier. Her mother was waiting in her bedroom.

Camilla was sitting on Jade's bed, her legs crossed primly at the ankles. Jade didn't like the fact that she was there – but the contents of her hands were what terrified her the most. "Well," Camilla said in a mocking voice. "Since you tell your friends I keep you locked up on the weekends, I thought a good punishment for lying might be to give that a try."

"Mom, please," Jade said softly. "I never told them I couldn't go out – " Camilla slapped her across the face; hard. Jade felt blood rushing to her nose.

"Shut up and go sit on the toilet." Jade was confused but she did as she was told; she knew her mother never joked. She grabbed a tissue from the box and pinched it to her nose as she walked into the bathroom and sat on the closed lid of the toilet. Her mother appeared in front of her and Jade felt something cold and thin encircling her wrist – and before she knew it – her mother had handcuffed her to the towel rack.

"Now," he mother said in a voice that seemed soft. "Don't you hurt that towel rack – or I will beat your worthless ass with it."

Jade wanted to beg as her mother took her other hand and removed from it the bloody tissue. She held Jade's chin up and tilted her head to both sides, deeming it was close enough to the bleeding being stopped. She took her daughter's free hand and handcuffed it to another towel rack, so Jade was pulled awkwardly forward and to one side. There was absolutely no way for her to be comfortable – she couldn't sit up straight, lean back, or anything that might have been tolerable.

"Please, mom," she begged. She knew it was stupid; it wasn't going to get her anything but a swift smack to the back of her head. She left Jade there for over 24 hours. Sometime Monday morning, before the sun rose, she unlocked the cuffs and Jade fell to the bathroom floor, exhausted, hungry, and dehydrated. She curled into herself but didn't get up; not while her mother was still in the room.

"I called the school," Camilla told her daughter, "it's such a shame you have the flu." With that, she shut the bathroom door and locked it. Jade didn't move; she wasn't sure if she could. Her bathroom had always been her refuge; no one had ever used it against her before that. It took her an hour to even attempt to sit up. She did, leaning heavily against the tub. She ached everywhere and felt gross. She took a bath and wrapped herself in her robe; she didn't want to redress in the soiled clothing. Her stomach ached from being empty; on Saturday she'd had a granola bar and a smoothie – and it was Monday morning. She opened the cabinet under the vanity and realized with a sinking heart that her mother had found the stash of trail mix and fruit snacks she kept in there. It was empty except for extra toilet paper, towels, and feminine products. The glass she kept on the sink was also gone, so Jade could only drink water by cupping her hands under the faucet; it was hardly refreshing.

It wasn't until Tuesday morning, before the sun rose, that Jade heard her bathroom door unlock. She waited until her bedroom door closed before she left the bathroom. He was weak but knew she had to go to school. She dressed in a long-sleeved shirt, heavy cardigan sweater, and jeans. Her watch told her she had more than an hour before she could catch the bus. She brushed her hair and did her makeup, happy to see that her mother's newest fun hadn't left her with any facial bruises. There were thin bruises around her wrists where she'd slumped in exhaustion and the cuffs had borne the brunt of her weight. Those could be covered be her sweater sleeves.

She made it to the bus stop in plenty of time, not bothering to try and stop in the pantry – she was pretty sure that was where her mother was expecting her to go. It was clearly no longer safe to squirrel away granola bars and other snacks; she was going to have to come up with new plans.

Cat was the first to see her. "You look sick," the redhead told her sadly.

"I had the flu," Jade told her. She grabbed her books before going to the vending machine and buying apple slices and a bag of trail mix, along with a bottle of water. She filled it three times that day and she was still shaky by the time she reached lunch.

"Jade, what happened to you yesterday?" Andre asked; she rarely missed school.

"I had the flu," Jade repeated.

"It doesn't look like the flu," Beck told her.

"Are you a doctor?" she asked sharply.

"No," he answered. "But I've seen my dad dehydrated after biking before – and you are seriously dehydrated." He gently pushed on the skin of her hand – which did not quickly rebound – to prove his point. Jade pulled away from him, glaring daggers.

"I think the flu can cause that," Robbie said.

"Nobody asked you," Rex retorted.

"I had the flu," Jade said stonily. "It may or may not have made me dehydrated. I'm back. Now leave me the hell alone." She stalked away from them and approached the grub truck. Luckily, Festus had something she thought she could stomach – a container of fresh cut fruit. Jade took it to an empty instrument storage room and ate the rest of her lunch in peace.

She struggled through the afternoon as a headache thrummed in the background and her stomach tried to decide what to do with the lunch she'd consumed. Her dance teacher gave her the period off since she was still recovering from the 'flu' and Jade found a sofa in one of the prop storage rooms that offered a perfectly acceptable napping place. That afternoon, she wanted to go straight home – but she knew staying after school gave her a better chance of staying away from John. She stood at her locker after the last bell, trying to decide.

"I'm sorry for bugging you at lunch," Beck said as he appeared at her side. She shook her head; she really didn't care. "My piano test is at the end of the week – but I know you don't feel well – so I'll practice on my own."

"Thanks," Jade said softly. She went straight home that day – and by some miracle – avoided John. She was able to grab a few pieces of food from the fridge and her stomach was full for the first time in several days. She slept solidly through the night and woke Wednesday morning feeling somewhat better.

On Thursday, Beck passed his piano test with an A. He was so excited that he swept Jade off her feet and into a hug. She struggled against him until she realized who it was and settled for glaring at him until he put her down.

"Sorry," he said breathlessly. "I forgot about the no-touching thing. I was excited. I got an A. Thank you so much for your help."

"I only helped you for four days," Jade reminded him. "It wasn't me."

"It was," Beck told her seriously. "I didn't get it – but you changed that. Thank you."

"Sure," Jade answered.

"Come with me to celebrate after school."

"No," Jade responded firmly. "I can't."

"Please? I'll have you back before your mom knows you were anywhere but school. My mom can drop you off at the same time the bus would." Jade considered it and after a whole lot of begging on Beck's part , she agreed.

Apparently, he had been primarily sure he would pass – and his mother had helped him pack a picnic snack to thank Jade for her help. He dragged her to a park near school and the basket was waiting for them in the most beautiful place Jade had ever seen.

"How do you know about this place?" Jade asked him. "I've lived here a lot longer than you have."

"My family likes to be outdoors," Beck said. "My dad and I found this clearing while biking about a week before school started. If you listen closely, you can hear the city traffic –but if feels like you're in the middle of nowhere." It did. It was a gorgeous little gully with trees, flowers, and even a little babbling brook.

Jade ate a few pieces of fruit and sipped at the sparkling water. She turned to Beck and her eyes were sad. "I know that this is really a sweet gesture. And it would win you the heart of pretty much every girl ever – but I can't do this. I can't date you – I can't like you – nothing. I can't give you anything you want."

"What if I just want to be your friend?"

"Do you bring Andre on picnics?" Jade asked him. Beck blushed and smiled.

"So I like you – what is so bad about that?"

"My life is too hard as it is," Jade told him. "I don't have room for any more complications. Please leave me alone."

"You don't have to be alone," Beck told her. "Maybe if you share some of those secrets – they wouldn't be so heavy." Her eyes blazed and he scoffed at her. "You think just because you don't talk that no one knows you're hurting? You think your pain is just yours? Cat is terrified when you're not in the room. She has the attention span of a gnat – but she loves you. And Andre and Robbie – they worry about you all the time. I worry."

"It's not your life to worry about. Now get the hell away from me," Jade cried, turning quickly away from Beck's questioning eyes. She walked out toward the creek, crawling into the rocks that overlooked the deepest part of the water. Beck did the exact opposite from what she asked, moving closer to her spot on the slippery, jutting rocks. She was curled up tightly, staring into the creek bed, the anger and humiliation she was feeling drifting from her tense frame in waves. Beck was not used to seeing her this way, even after a few short weeks of knowing her. Jade was always pulled together perfectly – nothing about her begot normal humanity. She was practically a divinity. A pale, perfect, thirteen year old goddess. It was alarming to see her folded into herself, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Beck continued to approach carefully. He sat on the rock next to her, his tennis shoes dangling above the water. "If you don't get away, I'll make you sorry," she threatened. Her voice, filled with tears, had lost a good deal of its normal edge.

"I'm not worried," Beck answered, scooting closer. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, not giving her a chance to fight, and firmly dragged her into his embrace. She attempted to struggle but he held on, speaking softly as his strong arms contained her. "It's okay – I'm not going to tell anyone. It's okay. You can trust me." Once the words sunk in and she realized the sincerity behind them, Jade broke down. She allowed the tears to fall unabated, soaking his shirt and settling into his embrace.

They were silent for a long time.

* * *

Next chapter - Beck discovers her secret(s). Or, at least part of them.

Let me know your thoughts - thanks for reading and reviewing :-)


	8. One Joy

Thanks so much for all who have been reviewing - you guys are lovely. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement :-)

I think the beginning of this chapter has a little ray of sunshine you may appreciate. And the entire chapter, a light at the end of the tunnel.

* * *

Chapter 8 One Joy

One joy scatters a hundred griefs. ~Chinese Proverb

She wanted to trust him; but there was no way she was telling him anything. It frustrated Beck, but he knew he had made the first step in breaching the walls she'd built up around herself. They dated for three months before he understood the extent of the damage that he knew lay under the surface.

In those three months, Jade reluctantly let go of her ultra-controlled schedule and allowed her after school time to meld around Beck instead. Sometimes it simply became a situation where her previous activities included him. He attended many of the same workshops after school and would either help or watch her practice. But other days, he would convince her (and it took a lot of convincing) to go outside her comfort zone and try new things. It was Beck who introduced her to coffee – to his own future peril. Once she was addicted, he became her only supplier since she certainly couldn't take coffee from her mother's kitchen. He took her places in Hollywood where she'd never gone before – to museums and bohemian stores and public parks.

It took three weeks after the first breakthrough before he was allowed to touch her. He didn't know when it happened – but it was sudden. It went from "not on your life" to "get your hand over here." He was more comfortable with his hands intertwined with hers than he was without. He could tell it took conscious effort for her not to freak out at first – but little by little, it became comfortable for her too. Their first kiss was completely unserious and so natural it almost brought tears to her eyes. He was leaving school early for some appointment and he stopped at her locker to say goodbye. Before they parted, he laid such a gentle, perfect kiss on her lips that its simplicity and lack of awkwardness shocked them both. Little did their peers know that they had witnessed the first of what would become many.

It was a few days after that first kiss that they became "official" in the eyes of the students at Hollywood Arts. Rumors made it official for their peers, but the conversation that began it for them actually happened at Cat's house. Jade had someone gotten permission to stay over at Cat's on a Friday night. It had happened after her mother had smacked her for leaving food sitting out on the counter (not that Jade had done it, but Camilla didn't care). Jade had begun to realize her mother was calmest after she let out her anger physically, so she waited only ten minutes before asking her mother if she could stay at Cat's house.

Her mother's answer was "I couldn't care less." But it was permission enough for Jade. She packed a bag and lugged it to school along with her usual school bag. Cat's parents had said they boys could come over as long as they left by 10, so they all trouped over to the perky redhead's house after school.

Cat's house wasn't the mansion that Jade lived in, but it was large enough and certainly much warmer and more inviting. They went swimming right after school and ate the pizza that Nancy had ordered for them. After dinner, they went into the basement game room and Beck set out to teach them how to play poker. Cat was surprisingly good at it and beat them time and again, winning all of the m&ms for the night – Jade sometimes thought she had savant qualities.

Cat decided she needed to show something to Andre and Robbie, leaving Jade and Beck alone. Beck took Jade's hand and pulled her toward the sofa. They sat together, his arm around her shoulder and her head resting on his chest. In the short time they'd been together, she had come to love the familiar drum of his heartbeat. She listened to it for a few minutes and they were silent.

"Everyone at school thinks we're dating," Beck said finally.

"I guess we sort of are," Jade said, a mix of surprise and happiness in her voice.

"Would it be okay if I called you my girlfriend?"

"As long as you remember – I warned you it was a bad idea."

"Warning noted, but I'll take my chances," Beck said, leaning down to drop a kiss on top of her dark hair. "You seemed happy tonight. Did you have fun?"

"I enjoyed watching Cat beat everyone," Jade admitted. "And Robbie's attempts at cannon-balling into the pool."

"He is awkward," Beck agreed. "I wish you could be happy all the time."

"Someday," she said softly.

"Jade-"

"Don't start with me," she said in a warning tone. "I'm not talking about it. Let's enjoy the time we have together." He retreated and they did enjoy their time, cuddled together on the sofa. She loved that weekend. There was freedom in spending time away from home. She and Cat took walks, watched movies, played in the pool, and braided each others hair. Never once was Jade fearful.

By the three month mark, Jade and Beck had spent a good number of hours exploring new territory. Twelve weeks had passed since Jade had fallen apart at the park, giving him a glimpse into the girl behind the wall. It was never mentioned and she refused to explain, but Beck hadn't forgotten. It sat in the back of his mind, the part that was searching always for more pieces to complete the puzzle that was Jade.

They had gone to his house after school; his parents were out of town and the housekeeper had gone home for the day. Beck's uncle was supposed to be watching him, but he was a bit of a stoner, so he mostly stayed in the basement and ignored his nephew. Jade and Beck took advantage of the time to continue exploring. Their kisses quickly moved from gentle to passionate. Beck's hand cradled her neck as he laid her back on the sofa, his free hand skating slowly across her abdomen. She winced at the light touch. It was a momentary loss of control, but he saw it. Without giving her the opportunity to sit up, he lifted her black blouse to reveal painful blotches in a rainbow of macabre colors. Yellow, black, purple, blue, red – her porcelain skin was stained.

"What in the hell happened?"

"Nothing," Jade cried, sitting up and pulling away from him, quickly fixing her shirt. She stood and reached for her bag and almost made it to the door before Beck made it out of his state of shock. He strode across the room, picking her up off her feet and carrying her up the stairs to his bedroom, ignoring her gasp of surprise and her indignant cries. "Leave me alone! Put me down!"

"Show me," Beck ordered, once he had set her gently on his bed.

"What? No," Jade said, her cheeks flushed with red. They had done plenty – but all through clothing. Jade made certain no one saw her naked. She changed for dance classes in the bathroom stalls and if she was able to sleepover at Cat's, she wore long sleeves and long pants to bed.

"Show me," he demanded, his eyes dark with rage. She knew it wasn't directed at her, but it still made her heart thud against her chest. Without waiting, his fingers landed on the hem of her shirt and carefully lifted it over her head. She allowed it, her eyes cast downward as it came off and landed on the floor. "Shit," he whispered, his eyes taking it in – his brain understanding while his heart broke. Bruises spread across her rib cage and blossomed along her side.

Beck's fingers traced every bruise, every cut, every wound that desecrated her snowy skin. There were scars beneath bruises. A sob caught in her chest as he pushed her back onto his bed. He moved on, his fingers moving behind her to unclasp her bra of black lace. "Beck, no—" she whispered. He dropped a chaste kiss on her lips and removed the item of clothing, aghast at the bruises shaped like fingertips. Tears dripped from his eyes but he was silent.

She wanted to argue when he unbuttoned her jeans, but she was exhausted. A whimper left her lips as the rough denim bit into her swollen knee. She had fallen the night before, running up the stairs to escape her recurring nightmare. Beck swore again as his fingers traced an angry red cut zigzagging up her left hip. "Babe, this is infected," he said softly.

"It's fine," Jade argued.

"It's not fine," he responded. He pulled a blanket from the bottom of her bed and covered her, dropping a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. She wanted to run; to stand up, to leave. Her brain was ordering her to do so – but her body was tired. Beck returned within minutes.

Jade hissed when a warm rag landed on the large cut on her hip; it hurt. Beck ignored her and cleaned it well with water and antiseptic before covering it with antibiotic cream and bandaging the worrisome wound. He helped his girlfriend sit up, the blanket still drawn around her body, and made her swallow a dose of ibuprofen. Her pain was evident and while it wasn't a perfect solution, it would help some. He climbed onto the bed next to her and made her lie on her stomach. She grumbled but followed his directives. She froze as she felt his fingers on her neck.

"Trust me," he whispered. He smeared a bit of cream onto the first bruise he found and massaged it gently, working his way slowly down her spine, keeping the anger to himself as he found more and more signs of abuse and torture.

When she woke, he helped her into a pair of his shorts and a t-shirt and ordered her back to sleep; she obliged. The next morning, she woke to the scent of coffee wafting through the room and warm arms wrapped around her stomach. It was a much nicer wake-up than the normal alarm or sound of her mother's fist on her bedroom door.

Her first thought was to panic – and she did for a few minutes. How the hell was she going to explain an overnight absence to her mother? Beck woke to the irregular, panicky hitch to her breath. "What's wrong?" he asked in a whisper.

"What's wrong?" she repeated, her voice raging. She struggled against his embrace. He wasn't fighting to keep hold of her – but she stood no chance against his size and strength. She collapsed against him, hot tears spilling against his neck.

"I was supposed to be home twelve hours ago."

"You can't go back there."

"I have to go back there," she answered. "It's my home."

"Jade, you can't let them do this to you anymore." She hadn't given him details – in fact, she'd refused to tell him much of anything – but he knew from stringing together all of her words that had escaped during several breakdowns throughout the night that she was not being hurt by one person – but by two. Jade couldn't comprehend what he was saying; it had never occurred to her that she could just not go back. It wasn't reality – and it wasn't possible. Despite the many dangers that lay beyond the threshold of that mansion, it was the only place she'd ever known.

She didn't go home that weekend. She called her mother and told her she was staying with Cat to work on a school project. Camilla was angry; but there was no way she would show up to claim Jade. She knew Jade held the cards in their little game. Jade still bore the signs of her most recent attack – and there was little Camilla could say to weasel her way out of the truth if her daughter decided to share it.

They didn't do much that weekend. They watched movies and avoided Beck's unintelligent uncle. That part wasn't hard and amused Jade to no end. Sunday night, Beck's parents returned from their trip to find Jade curled up against their son. Ella Oliver's first thought was to be furious but her mother's intuition kicked in first, making her see the tear tracks on Jade's cheeks. Her t-shirt had ridden up as she slept, showing one of the yellow-purple blotches on her young, delicate skin.

The next morning, Jade woke to the welcome scent of coffee and an unfamiliar presence. Beck was gone from the bed. Ella Oliver was curled into the corner of Beck's sofa, sipping a cup of coffee and idly flipping through a magazine. She was clearly waiting for the young girl to awaken. Jade tried to close her eyes and feign sleep, but the other woman had already realized she was up. Setting aside the magazine, Ella crossed the room and sat on the edge of Beck's bed, facing his young girlfriend.

"I'm sorry," Jade sputtered, sitting up against his pillows, hugging her arms to herself. "We didn't do anything—"

"I know," Ella replied. "Calm down. You're not in trouble." She picked up another mug from the bedside table and removed the ceramic warming lid before handing it to Jade; it was hazelnut coffee. The thirteen year old wasn't sure how to respond but decided it was safe enough; she accepted the brew and sipped carefully. "Beck won't tell me a thing."

"I'm sorry," Jade repeated. She wanted to throw a remark full of attitude; it was the first thing on the tip of her tongue – but she behaved. Despite the fact that she was not cheerful and not helpful and not even very nice, Beck's parents had always been kind to her. When they invited her over for dinner, they even impressed her by remembering and cooking without the litany of foods her body couldn't process. Regardless of the times she'd been met by a scowl or grimace, Ella never stopped greeting Jade with a smile and a kind voice.

"I suppose your silence means you're not going to tell me anything either?" Jade didn't respond; she stared at the coffee sitting at the bottom of her mug.

Ella set her cup aside and placed her hands in her lap. She had several false starts before she asked the first difficult question. "When I came in to check on Beck last night, I saw bruises. Where did they come from?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jade practically hissed, edging away from the older woman.

"Oh, my dear – I am not above pulling up that t-shirt and showing you exactly what I'm talking about. I am not the enemy here – I want to help."

"You can't help," Jade insisted. "Just leave me alone!" There was no way she could get out of Beck's bed with his mom sitting where she was. Instead, she turned her eyes to face the wall.

"Was it my son?"

"No!" Jade cried. "Beck would never—" she huffed. "You know that – you raised him."

"I just wanted to make sure. Son or not – no boy or man has the right to hurt a girl or a woman. Who was it, Jade?"

"You need to back off," Jade hissed. "Please." The last word came out as a cry as the young girl folded into herself, her knees coming up to her chest and her head falling to rest on her knees. Ella gently placed a hand on the girl's back, waiting to see if it was okay. She knew all too well how her son's girlfriend felt about physical touch. Now she at least partly understood the reason. Once Jade didn't lash out, Ella began rubbing her back gently, offering a gesture of caring Jade had never before experienced from anyone other than Beck. Certainly not her own mother.

Ella sat with her for a long time, the coffee growing cold and stale on the nightstand. The older woman leaned close, her voice just a whisper. "I know you don't want to believe me – but I do care about you. You can talk to me anytime. I'm going to leave so you can get ready for school – it's almost time. I left a few t-shirts and things that might not be too old lady-ish. Hurry up – I'm making waffles." Jade sniffled and nodded, wishing she knew the words to show gratitude.

After school, Beck called a cab and took Jade to the closest hardware store before taking her home. Inside her bedroom, he installed three deadbolts, a hook, and two chains. He did the same in the bathroom, making her promise to lock them when she was inside. It helped when she made it to her room unnoticed. She didn't tell him about the things that occurred in the living room, kitchen, and wherever else John had a fancy or her mother had a tantrum. She allowed him to believe that these precautions would solve the problem – because she didn't know what else to do.

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Thanks for reading and taking the time to review - let me know what you think. Were there enough bright spots in this one to light the way? I know this story has been heavy. Thanks for reading :-)


	9. Trusting Enough

The legalities of this chapter are sketchy. Whether or not Jade is old enough to be seen without a parent – questionable. But, that's one of the great things about creative license… and in this case, I'm using it.

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Chapter 9 Trusting Enough

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough. ~Frank Crane

Jade had been avoiding Ella Oliver like the plague. Although she wanted desperately to spend time with Beck, she couldn't chance another meeting with his far-too-intuitive mother. Instead, she spent her afternoons locked in practice rooms by herself or with Cat, listening to the other girl prattle on about everything from rainbows to closet monsters. Cat knew something was wrong with Jade; her solution was to try to take her mind off of it by being extra cheerful.

Almost two weeks after the initial conversation, Beck was waiting for her in the hallway, an envelope in hand. "This is for you," he said, holding it out for her. "My mom threatened my life if I read it, so I don't know what's inside. She also ordered me to bring you home for dinner tonight. She's making you vegan lasagna. You pretty much have to come – or I can't go home."

"I'm busy."

"No," Beck argued. "No, you're not. I don't know what's going on with you and my mom – but just come over. She's not that bad."

"I didn't say she was," Jade argued. "I just don't want to come over."

"You're coming anyway," Beck said firmly. Jade scowled at him but accepted the envelope.

She skipped her next class and disappeared into one of the lesser utilized music storage rooms. It was a place she knew she would find privacy. She had been there before – had even dragged a beanbag chair inside a locker intended to fit a bass. Jade also fit nicely. She curled into the soft chair and closed the door, turning on the small lantern she also kept in the confined space.

Carefully, she opened the peach-colored envelope with her name scrawled in perfect, tiny orange letters. She had to somewhat respect a woman who was over sixteen and not afraid to use fun pens.

_Dear Jade, _

_I understand that you're upset – but please read this until the end. That's all I ask. I'm sorry if I upset you by trying to discuss whoever it is hurting you. My dear, you don't have to live that way. I do want to help. But if you're not comfortable with that, I will respect your wishes. Beck assures me you're safe now – and I trust my son – and hope that he is right. _

_I don't know the details, nor the perpetrator. From the look in your eyes, I can tell it has been a long , painful time. You need to see a doctor. I know you're rolling your eyes at me right now – but you know I'm right. You have dreams, Jade. Beautiful, important dreams. Don't let whoever hurt you get in the way of those dreams. Go and get checked out – make certain you're healthy and whole. You deserve to move into the future unencumbered by shadows of the past. _

_I've enclosed the number for my doctor – I trust her implicitly. If you don't want to go alone, please call me – I'll be happy to take you. It's scary going that first time – but it is also very important – especially with what's happened. Beck doesn't know about this – and I won't tell him. It is your business – and I promise that I won't be the one to share it. _

_Ella_

A week after the letter arrived, Jade rang the Oliver's doorbell at 8:30 in the morning; almost an hour after school had begun for her friends. Ella Oliver answered the door and ushered her inside. "Good morning, Jade. Come on in. I have cinnamon rolls – and I just made a pot of tea." If the older woman thought it was strange that Jade was visiting her on a school morning, she didn't mention it.

"I made the appointment," Jade blurted, still standing in the entry. Ella turned to look at her.

"That's good," she responded. "Are you alright?" Jade shook her head, wandering to the sofa and plunking down, her face falling into her hands.

"I can't do this."

"Do what, darling?" Ella sat next to her, not daring to offer any physical connection. She could see the young girl was more agitated than usual.

"I can't trust you. I can't let you help me."

"I know it's difficult for you to believe – but you really can."

"Why? Why are you being nice to me?"

Ella smiled and leaned back into the couch, studying Jade's questioning expression.

"The best thing about free will – is that we don't need a reason to be nice to people. We just can be. And if I had to pick a reason - it would be my son. Do you ever see the way he looks at you? Do you understand how truly happy you make him? You're young - far too young to be as serious as you are - but I can't help but care about someone who makes my son as happy as you do."

Jade was freaked out. She drummed a nervous beat with her fingers against her denim clad leg. Sitting in the waiting room on the edge of an unbelievably uncomfortable chair, she was attempting to read a play for school. Ella sat to her left, trying to stay out of the way and still remain supportive. After an uncomfortable twenty minutes, a nurse poked her head out into the room.

"Jade?" Jade stood but didn't move right away.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No," Jade said quickly. "That's okay." It was already embarrassing that she'd asked for help getting there - Jade was determined she could do it on her own. Five minutes later, the nurse reappeared in the doorway.

"Mrs. Oliver?" Ella looked up from her magazine. The nurse smiled nervously. "Would you come back?"

"Of course," the young mother answered, assuming Jade had changed her mind. She set aside her reading and followed the nurse through several hallways and into an exam room.

Jade was coiled into one of the waiting room chairs, her knees gathered to her chest and her face hidden by a curtain of gently-curled hair. The nurse exchanged looks with Ella before whispering, "I'll give you a few minutes." The mother saw as she approached Jade that things had been thrown; tongue depressors and cotton swabs littered the floor. She fought a laugh; her son's girlfriend certainly had spirit. Ella set her purse on the floor and perched carefully on the chair next to Jade, her hand coming to gently rest on the girl's shoulder. Jade flinched but calmed as soon as she realized who was in the room with her.

"Hey, sweetheart. You doing okay?" Jade shook her head. "Well," Ella said calmly. "You made it all the way here - might as well get it over with."

"I can't," Jade said. Ella reached for one of her hands and grasped it firmly. They sat in silence for quite some time before the elder woman spoke again.

"Well, Jade - we have a few options here. We can leave and try again another day. Or we can get the nurse back in here and try again today."

"I can't," Jade repeated. Her voice trembled. Before Ella could respond, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Ella called. The door opened and a petite woman in her mid-forties walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She had soft red hair curling around the shoulders of a dark blue dress. She was wearing sensible flats with little bows and chunky silver jewelry.

She sat on the small stool on wheels and pushed herself closer, sitting in front of Mrs. Oliver and Jade. "Hi, Jade. I'm Dr. Brown. Most of my patients call me Dr. Megan." Jade didn't respond. "You came in today for a routine exam?" Ella nodded. "Your first?" Jade's silence answered for her. "Well, I have a suggestion - it's what I suggest for any of my new patients if they're nervous or very young." Jade could hear her teeth grinding; she was angry at herself for being such a wimp. At the same time, she couldn't bear to look up from her knees in order to make the ridiculous argument that she wasn't nervous.

"What we can do is this. I would give you a very mild sedative. It won't put you to sleep - it will just make everything seem a little easier. You won't be as worried. I'll come back after the sedative kicks in and we'll do a regular physical exam - just like you have with your primary doctor. Then, if it's okay with you, we'll do a pelvic exam. If not, we'll try another day. No pressure. Ella can stay with you the whole time. We'll stop whenever you say so."

"Okay," Jade said softly.

"Alright," Dr. Brown returned. "Can we do an injectable sedative? It'll work faster and we'll get you out of here sooner." Jade nodded; she was not afraid of needles. They were the least of her worries. The doctor returned with the loaded syringe and delivered the injection herself. "I'm going to give that about half an hour to kick in. As soon as you feel like you can, change into the gown the nurse left and hop up on the table. There's a blanket up there as well - those ridiculous gowns are pretty drafty. I apologize about that." She disappeared from the room and Ella gently laid a hand on Jade's back, rubbing in rhythmic circles.

After ten minutes, Jade relaxed her stance, lifting her head enough to lay it on Ella's shoulder and curling her legs beneath the chair. "You ready?" Ella asked, without assumption or pressure. She was giving Jade an out if one was needed. The younger girl nodded. Ella helped her off with the requisite black sweater and dark blue jeans and into the flimsy paper gown. It was a quick process but Ella sucked in a quick breath when she caught sight of some of the scars that covered Jade's delicate skin. She fought tears; she simply couldn't imagine anyone willing to make those marks on anyone - let along a child. The young girl didn't notice Ella's watery eyes; she wiggled out of her bra and underwear and tucked them between the clothing Ella had already folded.

Jade climbed up on the exam table and steeled herself before lying down, pulling the thick blanket over her slim frame. It did help; the warmth brought her a bit of solace; it may have also been the drugs. "Doing alright?" Ella asked, daring to affectionately tuck a few dark locks behind Jade's ear. Jade nodded, despite the tremors running through her entire body; she was successful at thwarting her sarcasm and her desire to run away, but she couldn't stop shaking. Eventually, the sedatives did their job and she felt her heart slow until she could no longer hear it drumming in her ears. "I'm going to get the doctor." Jade closed her eyes, content that she no longer had to hear her heart.

Dr. Brown returned quickly and chuckled when she saw Jade with her eyes closed. "Sedatives working there, hun?" Jaded nodded. "Good. Now, I'm going to tell you everything I'm doing it. If you get tired of the running commentary, just tell me to shut up."

"Jade can do that," Ella said with a laugh. "This young lady is not afraid to tell it like it is."

"That's a rare characteristic - but a very brave one."

The doctor explained she was going to do a top to toe exam and moved to the head of the exam table. She asked questions about the bruises and scars, most of which Jade ignored. The doctor continued her exam, changing her questions from "how did this happen?" to "does this still cause pain?" Before half an hour was out, she was finished. While Ella waited in the hall, Jade requested a prescription for birth control – it was something that had terrified her since the entire nightmare had started. The doctor wrote it, but not before prodding Jade with more questions. Was someone hurting her? Did she need help? Jade ignored the questions and took the prescription, folding it carefully into her jeans pocket.

Jade was tired of being babied. Snarky comments riddled her brain as she allowed Ella to lead her up the stairs and into Beck's bedroom. They died on her tongue as she was tucked into bed with a hot water bottle. The drugs hadn't knocked her out, but they had made her excessively tired. She was none the wiser when Beck returned from school, upset that she hadn't been there.

"Jade wasn't in school," Beck told his mother.

"She's upstairs," Ella told her son.

"In this house?"

"In this house," Ella answered. "She's sleeping - don't wake her."

"What happened? Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine," Ella promised. "And the rest is up to her to tell you." Beck headed to his room, taking the stairs two at a time. He softly opened his door, trying desperately not to make noise. It wouldn't have mattered; his girlfriend was dead to the world, curled on her side around a hot water bottle and his favorite stuffed toy from childhood - a dark green frog. Kicking off his shoes, he crawled into bed behind her, wrapping his arms around her slim form.

Just before six that evening, Ella knocked lightly on the door, poking her head inside to meet her son's eyes. "Wake Jade. It's time for dinner." Beck woke her as gently as he could but still received a scowl and several shots to the gut from her elbow. Eventually, despite the groaning, she did sit up and pull at her clothes to straighten them.

"What were you doing with my mom today? Why weren't you in school?"

"None of your business," Jade answered. "Back off." He was hurt at first but quickly realized she wasn't trying to be mean; most of what Jade said sharply was biting for only one reason - to protect her.

Jade allowed Ella to drive her home that night and Beck insisted on walking her to her bedroom. He did – and Jade locked the door behind him, safe for one night. When they arrived home, Ella motioned for Beck to follow her into the living room where his father was waiting.

They tried to get information out of Beck but he told them he really didn't know anything – just that someone was hurting Jade. She wouldn't tell him who or when or how. Something was bothering Ella. She pursed her lips toward the end of the conversation and looked at her son.

"I know that Jade is in trouble right now – and I want to help however I can. But I can't allow you two to sleep in the same bed under my roof. It's wrong on so many levels," Ella said. "I adore Jade - I do. But you're only 14 – and she's still 13. This isn't acceptable. If she needs to stay here –she can stay in the guest room."

"Under your roof?"

"What?" Ella asked, surprised by the words he picked out.

"You said you couldn't allow it under your roof. What if I had my own roof?"

"Beck, don't be ridiculous," Brian argued.

"Listen," Beck pleaded. "Please. Think about it. I'm responsible. I get good grades - I have nice friends. I already told you we're not having sex. But sometimes Jade needs somewhere to stay – and she refuses to tell anyone who is hurting her."

They argued about the topic for close to two hours, going back and forth between talk of the guest room, questions about calling the police, and eventually – his parents promised they would consider it. Two weeks later, Beck's dad came home with the RV – and he moved into it and gave Jade the spare key.

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I was trying to think of a sensible way to get the RV to come along without making Beck's parents out to be terrible parents. Do you think this worked? What did you think of the chapter? Does it make sense now in Try Again Tomorrow why Jade cares so much about what this woman thinks?


	10. One Day at a Time

Thanks for all of your lovely reviews and comments. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

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Chapter 10 – One Day at a Time

_The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.  
_Abraham Lincoln

After that day, Jade spent most of her evenings with Beck in the RV. If she went home, he would walk her there and straight to her room, listening to her lock the door before showing himself back out of the house. Sometimes, she stayed with him. Her mother never said a word when she stayed over in his RV. It reminded Jade that she had power – she had secrets that would ruin her mother's fun.

The first semester of eighth grade went on in the same way – Jade split her time between Beck's RV and being locked in her bedroom at home. The holiday break approached. She supposed she was getting too confident. Her skin was healed – for the first time in as long as she could remember, she wasn't in pain. She had straight A's. She'd been invited into all of the advanced academic classes for the following year, as well as several advanced dance and music classes. She and Andre were still receiving private piano since they were heads above anyone else in the school. Beck's parents had invited her to spend Christmas Eve with them – and she had already planned to spend Christmas Day with Cat.

She blamed herself. She should have been more careful. Beck had planned an afternoon hanging out with Andre, believing she was going home with Cat that day – but she'd left her science notebook in her bedroom and she needed it before meeting up with the redhead to do homework.

John was waiting at the top of the stairs. Jade tried to turn and get away but he hadn't stepped out into her line of vision until it was too late. He violated her right there in the open, at the top of the stairs. He was angry. He hit her, kicked her, pounded at her delicate body in retribution for keeping it away from him. "You think you can stay away from me, Princess? Never," he said angrily. "You're mine. Just mine." When he was finished, he gave her the slightest nudge – and she fell. When she woke a few minutes later at the bottom of the marble stairs, she realized two things that stunned her. First, she was alive. Second, her hand was clenching something. The phone Beck had given her and made her promise to keep with her at all times. It had been in her pocket and somehow she still had it. She dialed three numbers and slipped back into a dark oblivion.

She woke to an annoying buzzing sound that soon developed into an even more annoying steady beep. She hit at it, imagining it was her alarm, and was startled to find she couldn't. Someone was holding her hand, keeping her in place. Her eyes flipped open suddenly and she saw Ella sitting beside her. A flash of red danced past her peripheral vision and she realized Cat was on her other side, desperately wanting to launch herself at Jade. Someone was holding her back. It was Beck.

She tried to talk but found it was impossible and panicked. Ella put a hand on her shoulder and spoke in a soothing voice. "Calm down. They put in a tube to help you breathe – now that you're awake, they'll get it out. Just stay calm."

Ella ordered Beck and Cat out of the room –being under 18, according to hospital policy, they weren't supposed to be there in the first place. Beck squeezed Jade's free hand while leading Cat from the room. Ella rang for a nurse, who came immediately.

Twenty minutes later, they had removed the tube from her throat and she was left with a raw, scratchy feeling and a thirst that was not being met with the ice chips they gave her. Two different doctors tried to ask her what had happened but Jade kept her mouth shut; she had no idea what had gotten her into this position. They said she dialed 911; she didn't remember it. She remembered John as the top of the stairs. But she wasn't going to tell them that. A case worker entered the picture and Jade was livid, telling her exactly where she could go. Ella calmed the situation and a police detective was the next in line to bother the teen with what she clearly indicated were meaningless questions..

Dr. Brown came in next – and she, Jade tuned in for. She was making her rounds at the hospital when she had heard Jade was there and took the opportunity to check on her new patient. Jade listened carefully to her maladies and the anecdotes surrounding her trip to the hospital. It turned out that she had broken ribs, a punctured lung, and concussion, and more contusions than the doctors had taken time to count. Camilla had arrived at the hospital minutes after Jade, having arrived as the ambulance was pulling away. She stopped long enough to "notice" a broken window. Later, Jade realized she must have broken it in, making it look like the story she decided to weave. While Jade was being stabilized in the Emergency Room, Camilla was in the waiting room, wailing to anyone who would listen about how some monster broke into their house and hurt her daughter.

Ella Oliver knew what had happened because she'd received a phone call from the 911 operator after a phone in her name had been used to call the emergency number. The phone was traced, an ambulance was called, and Ella, Beck, and Cat were a mere five minutes behind Jade's arrival at the hospital. Andre had gone home, but had asked Beck to call him with information when he had it.

Ella had been there when Jade had woke, but it was one of the few times Jade was left without her mother. Camilla kept a watchful eye as often as she could – making certain her daughter didn't say anything they would both regret. She would hiss threats when no one else was in the room, pinch off the IV that was providing pain relief, and purposely touch or jolt Jade's injuries. Two days after Jade was admitted to the hospital, a new case worker visited her room. Her name was Molly. She sat on the chair next to Jade's bed and asked Camilla to give them time alone. The woman left, making some commotion about being made to leave her daughter. Jade held her eyes steady – she wanted desperately to roll them. "Jade, can you tell us what happened?"

"I don't remember," Jade said glumly. She was terrified. There was no way these people could understand how much the truth would hurt her. They didn't know her mother – she would never escape that woman's wrath if she told the truth. If they would just leave her alone – she believed she might be able to get back to some sort of equilibrium.

"If someone is hurting you, we will keep you safe. You just need to tell us what's going on."

"Nothing," Jade said simply. "I don't remember what happened. I was at home, walking up the stairs, – and then I woke up in the hospital."

"Sweetheart, if you don't tell me anything, I can't help you. Unless you tell me why I shouldn't, I have to send you home."

"That's where I am supposed to be," Jade told her. "It's fine." The woman tried for another twenty minutes to get her to say anything that might indicate a problem, but Jade remained mum.

Ella was arriving to visit as Camilla was pushing Jade in a wheelchair toward the parking garage. "Heading home already?" Ella asked, her eye focused on the young girl. It was four days before Christmas.

"She'll get better faster at home," Camilla said, a fake smile firmly in place.

"Of course," Ella said. She had spoken to the police – and the social workers. She had been the reason they'd questioned Camilla's original account of what must have happened. And now – here Jade was – heading back into what Ella was now certain was the lion's den.

Ella handed her a small bag that Jade could see was filled with books. "I tried my best," Ella informed her. "The sales woman informed me that they were all quality – but you'll have to tell me if she was just trying to take my money."

"Thank you," Jade said softly.

"Would it be alright if I bring Beck over to visit tonight?" Ella asked, directing her question to Camilla.

"Oh, I don't think that's a good idea," the woman said after sucking in a breath. "Jade's exhausted. She needs to be at home and rest." Jade felt tears welling in her eyes and she bit them back savagely.

"I understand," Ella said. She stooped in front of Jade and kissed her cheek. "You call me if you need anything, alright?" Jade nodded.

"That's very kind," Camilla answered. "But I'm sure we'll be just fine on our own." Ella watched as they walked away and then she pulled out her cell phone.

Alex West had been in the hospital while his daughter was in the ICU. He'd stood away from everyone – away from her friend, away from his ex-wife. But he'd waited in vigil, praying that despite his misdeeds in life, God would spare his daughter. When she'd gotten through the surgery to fix the punctured lung and woken, he'd never felt so relieved and so thankful.

He'd talked to the police, who had told him they had very few leads but that it looked like someone had broken into the house to attack her. Alex couldn't handle the guilt; he'd never seen her once she'd woken. He was in his office, working on statistics for a board meeting, when his phone rang.

"Alex West," he said briskly.

"Mr. West, this is Ella Oliver. My son Beck is a friend of your daughter's." She took a deep breath and went bravely on – telling him what she believed. That she knew, in her heart, that something was wrong. She told him about the bruises and scars she'd seen –without mentioning the doctor's visit. That was Jade's business to share. Alex tried to defend Camilla for a while, claiming that she would never hurt her daughter. After he hung up with Ella Oliver, he began to doubt his own words. He began to remember little things – how Camilla never called Jade by her name. How she'd dosed her with extra cough syrup when she was a baby so she'd sleep longer. How she would tell Jade to shut up when the little girl so much as said a word. How she would become angry at the slightest provocation. Things that did not befit a mother. But she would never hurt Jade. He had to believe those words. He had to believe those words because once he doubted them, he became a terrible father who let his daughter get hurt.

He didn't know what made him do it, but he found his car driving toward that house. The house he had grown up in as a child, the one where he'd planned to raise his family. But he'd never really done that. He had worked 80 and 90 hour weeks while he'd been married to Camilla. At first, he was walking to the front door to ring the bell. But his keys were hot in his hands, so he used the front door key to let himself in. He heard the screaming immediately. What in the hell was that other sound? And who was screaming? He pounded up the stairs, two at a time, and stood aghast in the doorway of his daughter's bedroom.

Jade, fresh from the hospital, was lying on her stomach while her mother beat her with a belt. Jade was sobbing, trying to tell her mother that she was sorry. Camilla's eyes were wild as swung the belt, hitting soft skin every time.

"Camilla!" Alex couldn't remember the last time he'd raised his voice - but this seemed like an appropriate time. The belt came back down on Jade, the buckle piercing and dragging across her delicate skin. "Stop it!" Alex had Camilla's hand wrenched back, the belt throw to the side, before he realized what he was doing.

Jade, sobbing into the covers of her bed, didn't realize what was going on. "She is simply horrible," Camilla hissed. "She ruins everything. You don't understand Alex, you don't have to put up with her every day – throwing herself at my boyfriend, prancing around this place like she owns it, spreading vicious lies about our family."

"I don't care what she says," Alex told her. "Don't ever raise your hand to our daughter again."

Jade didn't hear the rest of the conversation – she drifted into unconsciousness as the pain registered with her exhausted body. When she woke, she thought she might be in the hospital – the sheets were too starched, too scratchy to be her own. But as her ice blue eyes fluttered open, she realized she was in the guest room at her father's home. The one he shared with his new wife Michelle.

She tried to turn to her side, the way she preferred to sleep, and her body screamed in pain – her ribs and lung were still mending, and now her back was torn and bloody. She groaned in pain and attempted to sit up but a familiar voice urged her to stay still.

It was Ella who was sitting by her bed, her cool hands a relief against Jade's feverish forehead. "You're going to be fine – but you need to rest." Jade took the pills she offered, swallowed the water, and fell back to sleep. She was told when she woke that she slept for three days – she woke the day after Christmas. In that time, her father had served Camilla papers that gave him full custody; she signed them without a word.

Jade was in bed for almost two weeks. The day after she woke, Beck, Andre, Cat, and Robbie brought a belated Christmas to her. Only Beck and Cat had any idea what had happened – Robbie and Andre had been told that she'd gotten hurt. End of story. She smiled almost embarrassedly as they decorated the guest room for Christmas with a little tree and gave her presents. She told them she couldn't accept them – and that she didn't have anything for them in return – but they ignored her.

It was a nice day. Cat crawled into bed with her and the boy sprawled around the room and they watched marathons of holiday movies and played board games. The fun lasted until dinner time when Jade's father appeared in the doorway. He looked at her awkwardly and she told him to come in. Her friends all said goodbye. Beck kissed her and Cat gave her a big hug, ignoring her protests that she was in pain.

Alex had a gift-wrapped box in his hands. "I bought this last week," he said. "I knew you needed one – and your mother always though it was a bad idea – well, I figured you could keep it here. But I guess that's not really an issue anymore." Jade opened the box, beautifully wrapped by some sales associate at a nearby mall, and lifted from it a brand new PearBook. She knew it was top of the line; her father didn't do anything short of that.

"Thanks," she said softly. "It's perfect."

"It has those covers you can get," he said. "If you don't want the plain silver one." She nodded. Silence blanketed them.

"Jade—we need to talk about what happened."

"No, we don't," she informed him. "It's over. We're fine."

"Do you want to press charges? Ella seems to think we should involve the police. I will – I'll call my lawyer if that's what you want."

"No," Jade said sharply, "I really don't. I want to get on with my life." Alex nodded; he could accept that, even if he probably was supposed to push harder, he no plans to do so. His wife had been hurting his daughter for years. And he knew now – he knew from the doctor's reports, from the information in Jade's medical file – he knew that it wasn't just Camilla at fault. He knew that bastard had hurt his daughter. And all along, he'd done nothing. He'd known nothing.

"Jade – I'm—"

"No apologies," Jade told him. "You didn't know. I didn't tell you. There was nothing you could have done. Do you understand me?" He nodded silently.

"Jade," he said a moment later, his voice cracking.

"No apologies," she responded firmly. "And no discussing it." He left the room and Jade knew the slump that now showed in his shoulders would be permanent. She had little sympathy; some of her injuries were permanent too. He was almost out the door when she realized something she did want to share.

"Dad." He turned around, looking at her in anticipation of anything she chose to say. "I just want you to know. I loved Ramona. And I never would have hurt her." She disappeared into the guest bathroom before he could respond and the sound of her sobs was lost in the pulse of the shower.

For the rest of her time in bed rest, she rarely saw her father. Instead, she spent most of her time with Ella – who was a novelist and worked from home. She would sit at Jade's bedside, typing away while Jade slept or – occasionally, when she could muster the energy – read. Her father's wife, Michelle, was even less present than Alex. Jade could hear her walking in the hallway or arriving through the kitchen door, but she never stopped in to say one word. Although she felt safer here, Jade didn't feel welcome.

After two and a half weeks away from school, Jade was ready to go back. Her father dropped her off at the front door of Hollywood Arts and she exited the car without a word. "Jade," he called after her. She looked back at him, curiously.

"Have a good day."

"Thanks," she said uncertainly, pulling her bag closer to her shoulder. She entered the building and walked to her locker. Beck was leaning next to it casually, two cups of coffee in his hand.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," he responded. "Welcome back."

"It's good to be here," she said, taking one of the cups and sipping. She made a face and he laughed.

"My mom said I wasn't allowed to give you caffeine for a few weeks because of the medicine you're taking. She threatened my pizza supply." Jade scowled but kept drinking the beverage, content that it was at least warm. Beck placed his arm around her shoulder and they walked together to class, ready to start another day.

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This actually seems like a lovely stopping point – but my original plan was to take story until they get married. Thoughts? I think I'll probably just keep it going in this story until marriage (But I will not be hitting each episode along the way, just the highlights). Regardless of how it continues, I will continue – chapter 11 is already written and the rest are outlined (and parts of each are written as well).

I hope you liked this chapter. Let me know your thoughts.


	11. How She Made Her Feel

From here on out, it gets trickier because I'm writing in the time period of the actual shows. I apologize if anything is illogical or off – I'll try my best. This chapter follows the events of the pilot, focusing on Jade and Beck. Hope you enjoy! Please share your thoughts

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Chapter 11- How She Made Her Feel

"_I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."_ ~ Maya Angelou

The remainder of eighth grade was so free of mental and physical anguish that Jade was sure she'd gone to heaven. Her father and step mother weren't the most welcoming people, but they did allow her to eat dinner with them nightly and didn't seem to mind when she fixed breakfast or packed a lunch for herself. It was odd to not sneak food or squirrel it away. She occasionally found herself still doing it, slipping an extra granola bar into her purse or a spare apple into her school bag. Old habits died hard.

In general, things went well for Jade – she had the lead in the school musical that spring, singing her way to several student awards for portraying the lead in Thoroughly Modern Millie. Ninth grade flew by as her life balanced – she still received straight A's and took many after school workshops, but she also spent a lot of her time with Beck and Cat. Sometimes with the whole little gang. It amazed her, those moments when she found herself smiling for no reason at all.

Tenth grade began and she was writing her own plays, composing her own music, and feeling at home every time she stepped inside the halls of Hollywood Arts. Or into Beck's arms. She'd never realized she could feel so contented. Beck was sick with a cold the fourth week of school on the night of the big showcase. Jade wasn't performing that night since she'd been part of both showcases her 9th grade year – Lane has suggested she give herself a break; for once she listened. So, while Andre was supposed to be performing with the ostentatious Trina Vega, Jade was in the RV, trying to make her sick boyfriend feel better.

She was sitting on his bed, running her fingers through his hair, when Cat texted a clip of Tori's performance. Jade eyed it carefully; she was decent. Beck woke when his phone beeped; Andre had sent him a similar clip.

"She's good," Jade told him.

"Not as good as you," he said critically. "I thought I told you to go home."

"Like that was going to work," Jade scoffed. "I called my dad; he's picking me up at eleven. I still have a little time."

The following Monday morning, Jade was running late to school, so Beck left her cup of coffee inside her locker and went to class, bumping into the brand-new student; Tori Vega. She was pretty, Beck mused – but he preferred blue eyes. Not just blue eyes, Jade's eyes. He was musing about that when the girl in question entered the room and started to make a fuss about Tori touching him. Beck was stunned into silence; where had this come from?

He watched in shock several minutes later as Jade poured coffee over the new girl's head. He would have stopped her – but it had come out of nowhere and he didn't believe she would do it. She was quiet on the way home that afternoon, not speaking to him as they drove. He drove to the beach, going to one of the spots that had become their own. Taking the blanket from the trunk of the car, he walked down to the beach, Jade following with her boots in hand.

Beck sat on the blanket, waiting for her to speak. She failed to choose that option. She left her boots next to the blanket and walked further along the water, choosing to sit directly on the sand and stare into the waves. She wouldn't approach them for anything; Beck had tried before. But she loved watching them; it was something that was able to lull her into a peace that seemed to otherwise evade her.

After she continued to ignore him for over half an hour, Beck joined her instead. He walked up behind her, making plenty of noise as he settled into place next to her on the sand. "What was that about today?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she said gruffly.

"I don't care, Jade," he answered. "That was just mean. Not like you at all – so I really need to know why." Jade could be nasty with her words – certainly. But he's never seen her so anything quite so humiliating to anyone before.

She remained silent. It was aggravating. They had been dating for over two years – and sometimes Beck felt as though the walls he'd worked so hard to tear down could be put back up in a matter of minutes when she didn't want to communicate.

"I need you to listen to me – whether you want to do not," he said, moving so their eyes met. She tried to look away but he was the stronger of the two – once he decided he wanted her attention, there was little she could do. Her gently put a hand on the side of her face, moving her eyes to his.

Her ice blue eyes met his brown ones and he could see the pain inside; something that tore at his heart. But she had been wrong. It didn't matter how much she deserved to be coddled for the rest of her life; she couldn't treat people the way she'd treated the new girl that day.

"I love you – and you don't have to worry about anyone else. There is no one else. There never will be. You can't let someone new on the scene freak you out."

"I'm not freaked out," she said stubbornly.

"I know you get nervous—"

"I do not," she said angrily. "You're turning this all on me – because you let a strange girl grope you. And somehow I'm the mean girl for getting revenge."

"You poured coffee on her head!"

"It wasn't hot!" Jade yelled back.

"Jade – you can't treat people that way. Who can you think of who would do something like that?" Her eyes turned on him, hot with anger.

"Don't you dare compare me with her—" she said, her voice low and dangerous.

"I'm not," he said sternly. "But you can't go around hurting people because you're upset. It's not cool. You're better than that. I think you should apologize to Tori."

"That is not going to happen," she said with a scoff.

"Jade—"

"I won't do anything to her again – but I am not apologizing. You don't go around touching other people's boyfriends." Beck sighed but he gave up for the time being; he knew it was as good as he was going to get at that point in time. Something about Tori had terrified her; all defense mechanisms were out and in perfect working order.

Jade regretted her promise to not retaliate again the very next day when Tori acted her way into a kiss with Beck. Her heart felt like it was cracking as she took in the scene. Cat squeaked from the seat in front of her. Beck sat next to her when he was finished and took her hand, despite the fact that she clearly didn't want to touch him. Jade wanted to walk away but Beck refused, pushing the door closed to the classroom after everyone else was gone. They had it out right there – the crying, the screaming, the yelling, the accusations. And they ended in a place where – somehow – all was forgiven, and she was lost in his arms, crying into his chest.

She forgave Beck; but she wasn't sure she could ever forgive Tori Vega for making her fear the loss of the one person who kept her world level.


	12. Too Big a Burden

So sorry for the wait! Work has been a little crazier than usual and then I spent most of the holiday weekend with family and friends. This chapter is a little longer – hopefully that will make up for the last one being a little shorter. Thank you to all those who have faithfully read and reviewed the story – I love knowing that others are enjoying the story as much as I am.

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Chapter 12 –Too Big a Burden to Bear (Stage Fighting)

_I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear_. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Jade knew the request was coming before Andre approached. She'd heard Tori abusing the French horn from across the school. That girl might be able to sing – but she had no knowledge of instruments.

"No," Jade said simply, as Andre walked up to her and leaned against the closed locker beside hers.

"You don't even know what I'm gonna ask," he chided her.

"Yes I do," Jade answered. "And the answer is no."

"Come on – you know you teach better than I do. It's that fear you instill in people – it's great for making them learn stuff." Jade glared at him. "Come on," he continued. "She's really bad. Worse the Beck ever was. As least he knew how to read music. Please help her."

"No," Jade answered again, slamming her locker shut and walking into their acting class. She arrived in time to watch Tori make a fool of herself while trying to "help" Beck, who she thought was being attacked.

Jade ignored Tori's pointed comment about Beck being in pain from his relationship with her and sat in one of the nearby chairs. Beck stood behind her, rubbing her shoulders, which had become tense thanks to her unbound annoyance with Tori.

Class began and Jade was amused to be partnered with Tori; she enjoyed messing with the other girl's head. That was all she planned to do.

So, the injury wasn't part of the plan; Jade had no intention of sabotaging her own grade just to mess with Tori. But at the last minute, she'd done it. She wasn't sure why – but the fact that Tori thought she really would hit her angered Jade to no end. So, at the last minute, she faked receiving the blow. She's had fake blood capsules in her pocket to make the scene more interesting, so she used one to get Tori into trouble instead.

She knew how it felt to be hit – and she knew how it felt to be faint from a hit – so it was easy to fake her way through the visit to the nurse's office. "Don't you dare call my mother," Jade hissed at Beck as soon as he was walking with her down the hall.

"I did think that was an odd request," Beck answered, kissing the temple next to her uninjured eye. "Do you want me to call your dad? Michelle? My mom?" Jade shook her head.

"Can you just take me home?" It was one thing to keep the truth from Beck; that was unavoidable. It was another thing entirely to seek comfort from Ella when she wasn't actually hurt. Beck agreed to her request and after the nurse looked at her eye – conveniently puffy and red – he drove her home and spent the afternoon curled on her bed, watching television while she iced her supposedly injured eye.

The next day, she woke thirty minutes earlier, giving her plenty of time to accentuate her injury. Beck cringed at the mark when she climbed into the passenger seat of his car. Lying to him was the only part of this that was difficult for her. Jade pouted all day – she wasn't about to let anyone forget that Tori had hurt her. Everything was going perfectly according to her ill-conceived plan until Sue Griffins threw water in her face, causing the makeup to run.

She hurried into the school, intending to go directly to the restroom to fix her makeup before anyone noticed that her black eye was running. Unfortunately, Andre intercepted her and figured out her secret before she could escape. She tried to stop him but it was impossible; he ran directly to Tori. Jade thought she should follow him and try to apologize or explain, but she knew there was more important damage control to attend to. There was one opinion that mattered to her and it wasn't Andre's or Tori's.

She went directly into the bathroom and washed her face before texting Beck and asking him to meet her in the janitor's closet. It smelled of toxic chemicals and was probably the filthiest room in school, but it was private. She was sitting on the floor, playing with the edge of her sweater, when he entered. He was so worried about the mysterious text that he didn't notice her lack of a black eye.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sitting next to her on the questionable floor.

"I did something," she said softly. "I shouldn't have – but I was so angry—" She was babbling and she knew it – it was a bad habit that usually only happened when she was afraid or stressed. So, Beck was concerned even more by her sudden onset of words. Usually, she was short and to the point. This was very different; he'd only witnessed it a few times. They were not fond memories.

Beck reached over and put a hand under her chin, gently prodding her to look at him. His eyes met hers and the fear seized rapidly inside her heart. Why had she done it? Why had she chanced something that she knew would upset him? Disappoint him? Drive him away? But she knew she needed to tell him the truth before he heard it from someone else.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice so gentle that it almost elicited tears on her part. But she bit them back, knowing she wasn't going to be getting any sympathy or softness once he knew the truth.

"Tori didn't hit me," she said simply. "I'm sorry – I was angry and I wasn't thinking – and I didn't mean for it to get out of control and then it did and now—"

"Oh, Jade," he said, his voice resigned, disappointed, and sad. But he hadn't pushed her away, she realized with breathless gratitude. He was still holding her, his arms around her thin frame, one hand on the side of her face. Without warning, he shifted and pulled her into his lap.

"What do I need to say that will make you believe that Tori is not a threat? To me – to your career – to your talent. She is not out to get you." She didn't answer; because she truly didn't know. She didn't know how she could be comfortable in her own skin with Tori around. Tori made her feel judged and imperfect and vulnerable. And she hated those feelings. She didn't know how to deal with them; to get past them.

There were moments like this one where Beck considered suggesting an option he only ever mentioned to his mother. He felt Jade needed to talk to someone – a professional – someone who would look at her childhood and help relieve the pain and devastation of it from her present and future. But the one time he'd mentioned it to Jade had earned him an extremely painful kick to the groin. So, his helpful thoughts remained his own as he held his girlfriend in the silence and questionable air quality of the Janitor's closet.

They missed an entire period and it took Jade almost thirty minutes to speak. "I'll apologize and tell Lane the truth."

"I think you should apologize to Tori first before you talk to Lane," Beck said. He had been watching his phone and receiving text messages from Andre. "She's still taking the blame – she's not going to Lane or Eichner."

Jade was surprised by that news. She figured she would be looking at a lot of detention; if not suspension. She frightened the school officials, so she would probably garner a more severe punishment than Tori.

Shifting in his arms so that their eyes met, Jade asked softly, "do you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you," Beck answered. "But you need to try to stop messing with Tori. Can you try – please? She's not a threat." Jade nodded; she would try. Later that evening, when she would have rather been doing anything else, she walked up behind Tori in the disgustingly encrusted-with-food black box theater.

"I don't get it," she said sincerely, shrugging her shoulders.

"What?" Tori asked. Jade noted that she sounded more tired than angry.

"I know Andre told you that I faked everything. The blood, the black eye." She couldn't hold it back anymore – whatever Tori was currently scraping looking about as appetizing as a sewer rat and Jade could barely handle looking at it for another second. "What is that – mac 'n' cheese?" Derek butted in with his opinion on the mushy food but both girls ignored him. Tori sighed and looked at Jade.

"Why are you here?"

"Why are you here?" Jade shot back. "Why didn't you tell on me?" Jade did not get away with things; it was just not how her life worked. She got into trouble for things she did – things she didn't do – things her mother imagined she did or didn't do. Punishment had been a part of her existence for so long that she really didn't know how to process someone else taking the brunt for her.

"'Cause we both go to school here and it's not going to be much fun for either one of us if we're fighting all the time." Tori's words rang true to Jade; she was exhausted in just the first month of Tori's attendance at Hollywood Arts; she was stressed and on edge all of the time – she wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. Apparently it was wearing just as heavily on the other girl.

"So you're just going to let me get away with it? You took detention and a lower grade and you're scraping crusty pudding off a wall on a Friday night, just so I won't get into trouble?" Jade was trying to understand these motives and it just wouldn't settle into neat little compartments in her brain.

"Pretty much," Tori answered.

"Well, you can't be nice to me when I've been mean to you. That's not how it works." Jade was certain that wasn't how things worked; she'd been living life long enough to know that most people didn't just do nice things without expectations. Even Beck, in return for his kindness, expected her to be remotely civilized and non-violent.

"Well, then, try being nice to me sometime. Maybe that will work. Now, go play. I have to scrap this onion dip off the wall." She peered at it more closely. "Or should I say – onion pus." Jade turned on her heel but – surprising both Tori and herself – she didn't leave. She grabbed another scrapper, turned on some music, and helped with the cleaning process.

They tricked Derek into helping them for about two minutes but he quickly came looking for them and they were back where they started, scraping gunk into buckets. By the end of the nights, they were even holding a mostly normal conversation. Tori told Jade about her old school and Jade told Tori what it was like to be a student at Hollywood Arts since middle school.

When they left that evening, Tori stopped at her locker and Jade saw the French horn wedged above her books.

"I'll teach you how to play an instrument," she said, before she could stop herself. She knew both Beck and Andre – the latter was currently not happy with her – would be pleased. As for herself, she would just have to deal with it.

"You can play the French horn?" Tori asked.

"Yes," Jade said thickly. "But I am not teaching you the French horn. Brass instruments are hard to learn and they sound terrible until you gain talent. Not a good place to start. Start with the piano."

"Why are you helping me?" Tori asked.

Jade shrugged and said, "it will easy my conscience."

"You have one of those?"

"Most of the time," Jade answered easily. The following Monday, she handed Tori flash cards for the treble clef and a beginner's piano book. She said, "don't talk to me until you can read those notes," and walked away. Andre laughed at Tori's expression and shook his head.

* * *

To Be Sure of You (Jade Dumps Beck)

_Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."_ ~A.A. Milne

She was angry that day. Over breakfast, she'd made the mistake of telling her father and Michelle about a play she was writing for one of her classes. Michelle had looked bored and her father had made several snide comments about her chances of making a living by writing or directing. Then, she had been forced to ask her father for a ride to school because Beck was running late. The icing on the cake had come when she'd opened her smart phone and received the text from Cat – a picture of Beck with Alyssa Vaughn.

Her heart ached at the sight. But it was anger, not fear or sadness, that bubbled up her esophagus and made her feel like she was about to be sick. She searched for Beck and when she finally found him, she realized he wasn't hers. She couldn't keep him if it meant he was settling. The thought crushed her. So, she did what came naturally and easiest to her shattered heart – she picked a fight.

She left him. She left him. She left him. The words kept repeating in her mind as she tried to calm herself. It had been her decision. Didn't that make it better? Didn't that make it okay? She'd done it to him before he could do it to her.

That afternoon, she went directly home. She felt she needed some time to curl into bed and let the world fall away; she needed perspective she couldn't gain without the silence and safety that she could find in her room. Unfortunately, Michelle heard her come in and stopped her on the stairs.

"Your father is going to be late for dinner."

"Okay," Jade answered, not sure why she should care. Her eyes avoided those of her step mother; she knew they were lined with red from the crying she'd done on her walk home. But the woman saw them. And while she was not nearly as evil and vindictive as Camilla, she was still unkind. And she latched onto the soft pink around Jade's eyes, the tear tracks that were just barely visible.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Jade said, her voice and expression stubbornly tight and firm.

Michelle laughed. "Did that boy finally dump you? I saw the picture in the paper this morning. He definitely traded up." Jade tried to keep the words from touching her but they were like tiny daggers, embedding themselves into her brain as she continued up the stairs and crawled into bed.

She was forced to attend dinner that evening; so she washed her face, reapplied her makeup lightly, and trudged down the stairs as through nothing was wrong. She picked at dinner while Michelle picked at her. The first comment about her breakup went uncommented on by her father. The second nudge caused tears to flood Jade's eyes and her father looked at his new wife and said "stop it." That was the end of the dinner conversation for the evening.

Jade asked quickly to be excused and escaped to her room. She spent the night crying and destroying things with her scissors, hoping to get it all out of her system by the next day. Two more days went by and she wasn't sure how she got through them – she felt as if she was living separately from her heart. On the third day, she approached Beck and he refused her. Her brain spun as he gave her back the words she'd thrown at him. It had been her decision, he reminded her. And maybe they weren't good for one another anyway.

On the fifth day, she knew it was impossible. She didn't know how to continue without him. She felt absolutely desolate from her brain to her heart to her stomach – they were all empty and aching. Cat wouldn't be any help; she was too empathetic and clueless when it came to reality. She would only sponge up Jade's sadness and be distraught herself. Jade couldn't put her through that. Andre was on Beck's side; he had practically declared it. Jade was left with one person; the one person she barely trusted.

Tori wasn't her favorite person, but she knew the other brunette would help her – it was simply her way. She liked to fix things. Just as Jade tended to break them. Jade spent a lot of time in her own head; so it hadn't occurred to her that Beck might like a bit more of the attention in their relationship to be directed at him. It was a valid point, she knew. But she hadn't realized until he'd said it to Tori – that she really didn't do nice things for him as often as she should.

The dog was her first thought. She knew the joy that Ramona had brought to her. She knew Beck would be able to protect a dog much better than she had been able to. He'd always wanted a dog – and she truly hoped that even if it didn't repair their relationship, it could at least be something nice she'd done for him.

The fact that his father had been in the RV was strange; perhaps he'd had an argument with Ella. She hadn't been home when it had happened and she went directly to the hospital to meet the ambulance. Jade was terrified when she realized what she'd done; now Beck and Ella would both hate her.

So she was surprised when Beck shut up her rambling with a gentle kiss.

"You still love me?" It was a question; one that he knew was difficult for her to ask – especially in front of Tori.

"Who said I ever stopped?" It was cheesy, it was corny, and it was ruined by Tori's comment. But it was exactly what she needed to hear. After Tori left, Jade climbed into the passenger seat of Beck's car and drove with him to the hospital.

Ella was sitting in the ER waiting room, which was fairly calm for a weekend evening. She stood when she saw Beck and Jade. The girl was relieved to see amusement dancing in her hazel eyes. Ella shook her head as she first put her arms around Jade; she knew the young girl would be terrified of her anger.

"What were you thinking?" Ella chastised lightly.

"I'm so sorry—"

"He'll be okay," Ella assured her. She clasped Jade's face between her hands. "The next time you want to give someone in my family a dog – please start with a puppy." Jade blushed and nodded. Ella pulled her into another hug. "It's good to see you," she added in a whisper. She moved onto her son, hugging him and giving him assurances that his father was fine.

Bryan Oliver wouldn't be on the golf course for a few weeks thanks to a bite to his hand that needed stitches – but there would be no lasting scars. And Jade and Beck were back together; her world felt safe again as she sat with Beck and his mother in the waiting room.

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What do you think? Realistic? Is the pacing working? I'm not hitting every episode – but more of them have important Jade moments than I realized. Let me know your thoughts


	13. How the Light Gets In

Thanks so much to everyone who is reading, and especially to everyone who has reviewed so far. You make my day :-)

I hope you enjoy the next chapter:

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Chapter 13 – How the Light Gets In (Wok Star)

"_Ring the bells that still can ring  
Forget your perfect offering.  
There is a crack in everything,  
That's how the light gets in".  
~Leonard Cohen_

How could the school refuse her play? Jade was beside herself with grief and anger. She'd put her soul into that play – and although she'd received the highest marks on the work, she was not permitted to have it performed at the school. And her damn teacher had sent her to Lane. Again. Instead of taking her AP US History test on the French and Indian War, Jade had instead spent forty minutes in Lane's office, trying to stare him down.

She'd said a few things – she'd attempted to defend her play. Lane had read it and he agreed that it was beautifully, tragically written. But he wanted to know where she'd gotten the idea – where the theme had come from – and if there was anything she wanted to talk about. Jade said nothing and continued staring menacingly at the guidance counselor until he let her go back to class. She supposed she should have headed to her calculus class, but the janitor's closet seemed like it would be a more comforting bet.

The following period she spent taking out her aggression on one of the janitor's large garbage cans. Thoughts and fears flew through her head – why wouldn't they allow her to do her play? What was wrong with her if the faculty thought her play was so disturbing that it was inappropriate for a school setting? Seriously – they'd allowed Sinjin to do a play about cannibalism but her "Well Wishes" was too dark and disturbing?

Beck had been with her that morning when she'd been told that she wasn't allowed to do her play – he'd seen the crestfallen look that had come before the anger. He'd spent the next two classes wishing he could be with her – but knowing that she needed space. Before lunch, he set out to find her and, with the rest of their friends, located her in the janitor's closet.

She immediately jumped on Tori's words of promise. Although she knew the girl hadn't meant to offer her services, she also knew that she was a person who would make it happen. Things just seemed to fall into place for Tori. So Jade pushed her luck; she took advantage of Tori's words, and the next thing she knew, her play was happening.

This did not change how she felt about Tori. Really. It didn't. But maybe, just maybe, she didn't hate her. At least not quite so much. Those thoughts didn't change much after Mrs. Lee wanted to make changes; Jade knew that wasn't Tori's fault – but it still gave her a panicky feeling in her chest. Her play was just the way it was supposed to be. It was her play. How could she allow some crazy woman add singing angels and strange dream sequences?

As they drove home from the theater, Beck reached across the seat to grasp one of her hands, stopping its insistent drumming on her leg. "Jade – it'll be okay. The message is still there. It's still a good play."

"It would be great without her input," Jade snarled. "And if it's not great – it might as well not happen."

"How can you say that?" Beck asked. "If any part of it is yours, it will be amazing."

"I told my dad about it," Jade told him softly. "He's coming. If it's not perfect – how will he ever respect what I want to do?"

"Jade," Beck said gently, not sure what to say that would make her feel any less vulnerable. Her father brought it out in her. He'd walked away when she was young, leaving her with the feeling that she could never please him – or anyone. Beck would do anything to show her how far from imperfect she truly was. He hated that her father made her feel so small and insignificant.

Cat's idea stunned them all – and when Jade returned from the bathroom – (or, snooping around in Tori's room, which was Beck's guess for where she'd been for twenty minutes) – and they told her the plan, it brought her a ray of hope that her play might be perfect after all. The tiny redhead was surprised to say the least when, dropping her off at her house that evening, Jade stepped out of the car and hugged her fiercely. Beck said nothing as Jade got back into the car and Cat scampered down the path to her front door.

"Stop smiling at me," Jade said, her voice aloof. It caused him simply to break out into a wider grin; and earned him an attempted elbow in the gut.

The night of the play arrived and Jade felt her blood boiling. She wasn't sure if she was going to make it – she felt like a stroke was completely in the realm of possibility. Fervently, she wished Beck could be there; he would know what to say and how to calm her. But he was busy, making sure Mrs. Lee stayed away so the play could be a success. When Tori snuck up on her, Jade was so startled that her hands began to shake. Clutching the binder tightly, she was able to hide the obvious signs of nerves. Tori promised everything was fine. The words didn't calm Jade, but a moment later, when Cat showed up with a sopping wet bra, mocking Tori in her Judy Garland voice did finally calm Jade's nerves.

Jade was stunned when her father admitted to liking the show. Not liking it. He called it excellent. Jade had never heard him use such a positive word for much in her life – perhaps his own golf swing or a deal he made with a client. But never before toward something she had created or been responsible for.

"Did you thank Tori?" Beck asked her later that night, when she snuggled against him in bed. She had told her father she was staying with Cat for the night; he knew she was lying but never argued. It was one of their many silent agreements. Jade sighed into his chest.

"Why are you always so worried about Tori?"

"She helped you a lot," Beck reminded her. "She deserves some appreciation."

"I thanked her," Jade answered. "I even gave her a hug."

"Good girl," Beck said, dropping a kiss on top of her head.

"I'm not a dog," Jade seethed. Beck chucked but didn't apologize; he hadn't meant it that way and she knew it. She was just antsy from the excitement of opening night and looking for a good fight; he was not going to give it to her. He decided it was time to distract her. He moved swiftly, straddling her and laying feather-light kisses along her jawline, down her neck, and in a teasing line to her breasts. His fingers rubbed at the knots of muscles lining her neck and shoulders, ridding her of the stress of the day.

Jade sighed, relaxing under his careful ministrations. It had only been a few months since they had broken their promise to his mother and begun having sex. The first time had been terrifying for both of them. But they'd taken their time and, on Beck's insistence, talked about it. A lot. It made Jade turn red to the hairline, but she'd promised – so she told him what was good and what was too upsetting. And he worked within those boundaries, slowly pushing them until there was little they couldn't do together.

It had broken his heart the first time he'd gotten close to entering her. She'd stiffened completely and tears welled in her eyes –but she'd been willing to go through with it – for him. He'd put a stop to it for that night, holding her and telling her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. When they'd tried again the next day, he had started with a new tactic. Her reactions made him realize that she had no idea that sex was actually supposed to feel good – so he did his research. And after days of worshiping her body, making her feel like a queen, and making sure she was comfortable and satiated, they tried to consummate their relationship again. Her fear had dissipated enough to the point where Beck didn't feel like he was hurting her – and they were together at last.

On the night of the play, he decided she was the one who needed the attention and disappeared under the covers, his kisses becoming lighter, more sensual. "Beck," she said softly. "You don't have to—"

"I want to." It was the last full sentence either of them spoke for a long time. Afterwards, he held her tightly against him, their breathing falling into gentle synchronization.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked gently, her voice finding purchase in the dark room. Beck put his lips against her forehead before answering.

"I don't know what you mean," Beck said. "There is nothing wrong with you."

"Do you think my play was dark and disturbing?"

"Yes," Beck answered, his fingers brushing locks of curled brown hair from her cheek, "but it was also beautiful and meaningful – and simply exquisite. So, if you want to take credit for dark and disturbing, you have to take credit for all of those adjectives." He kissed her temple and continued speaking, his words soft in her ear. "No one is perfect. But your shadows – they just make your light that much more beautiful and bright."

"That's corny," Jade informed him, giggling.

"I know," he answered. "But I made you smile." She smiled again and snuggled close to him, her eyes closing against her fears and doubts, finding solace in his arms for another night.

* * *

Time You Enjoy (The Wood)

_Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. ~Marthe Troly-Curtin_

Neither Jade nor Beck had much appreciation or respect for reality television, especially the sensationalist variety. They both preferred sitcoms when they had time to watch television. But the chance to be on national television was too enticing – so they went and sat for the casting session. And they were both chosen.

When they'd gotten the early release of the pilot, Jade had reluctantly agreed to watch it with Tori and Andre at the Vega house. She was feely grumpy and annoyed that day. So, while Beck and Andre made small talk with Tori, she excused herself to explore. Tori's bedroom was unabashedly normal. If she would admit it, Jade was a little jealous. Not that she'd admit it – not on the penalty of death. She spent the most time looking at the collages of photos covering the walls, showing the Vega family on vacations, at parties, enjoying time together. Jade pursed her lips and tried to pick out situations where she'd felt as happy as Tori looked in those pictures. The conclusions she came to haunted her.

Shaking her head, she ignored the desire to dwell and jogged down the stairs to watch the premiere of The Wood with her friends. Tori was in for it the moment that fake conversation started; Jade could feel every cell in her body wanting to throttle her. Luckily for Tori's safety, Beck was fairly strong – and he knew how to keep his arms around a feisty Jade.

Once the producers explained that they were entertaining people and not necessarily telling the truth, Jade embraced the premise. She even teamed up with Tori to make things more interesting. Hitting the car with the golf club had been fun – somewhat therapeutic. And the fact that her father had actually helped her was something not lost on Jade.

But, as with most things she found enjoyable, they quickly reached the caveat; the sticking point; the problem. They were hitting the wrong car. Jade had wanted to call Beck to give Festus a ride home, but Lane had said no. Tori and Jade had caused the problem; they needed to fix it. So, they ended up pushing the owner of the grub truck in a wheelbarrow. Luckily for their muscles, he only lived a mile from the school. Jade thought his old clunker wouldn't make it much further anyway. She didn't tell Festus that; she preferred her food without spit. So, they pushed him along and sang the stupid Spanish songs he requested. It didn't fall on unknowing ears that they harmonized well together. Jade noticed. Tori noticed. Neither mentioned it as they walked back to Hollywood Arts.

Beck was on hand to ride them both home, listening with an amused smile as Tori explained their day. She was much more of an exaggerator than Jade, so the other girl let her speak. "You should always have the pink slip before you trash a car," Beck said with amusement, his hand slipping around Jade's.

"I don't plan to be demolishing any more cars," she answered. She paused. "But it was fun."

"It was," Tori agreed. They pulled up to her house and she got out, leaving the couple alone. Jade leaned against Beck, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Can we go to the driving range?" He chuckled and nodded. He drove to the club his family belonged to and they spent the afternoon hitting golf balls. Beck purposely forgot everything he knew about a good golf swing – and did it well enough to send Jade into fits of laughter – merry, ringing laughter that he rarely heard but forever treasured. After goofing around, he "regained" his skills and they threw out a friendly wager during the stress-relieving activity. Jade beat him every time. And they both enjoyed every minute.

* * *

All that Matters (Sleepover at Sikowitz's)

_The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters.  
_Audrey Hepburn

Jade felt everyone's eyes fly to her as soon as she was the first too agree to the sleepover. Seriously – weren't they curious where this crazy teacher lived? If his clothing and lack of footwear told them anything – it was that his house would be a treasure trove of oddities. A perfect place for Jade to investigate.

Jade actually enjoyed most of the evening – she prided herself in being able to keep in character, even when she found it necessary to threaten Tori and her boyfriend for sharing Raisin Bran. Who else could have made a threat sound so kind and sweet? She was enjoying herself – until she burned her hand. It hurt like hell – and she tried her best to stay in character. But she lost it once she was outside and began swearing up a storm.

By the time she arrived in the emergency room, she was in tears from the pain. She had third degree burns but it could have been worse – or so the ER doctor told her. Jade grimaced and allowed them to treat and wrap her hand. She texted Andre, who was happy to pick her up and drive her to the Vega household where everyone was watching an apparently hilarious movie.

Beck picked her up at Vega's house late that night, after he allowed Tori to win. He couldn't continue the game – not when his brain was focused on Jade and the need to check on her.

"How is your hand?"

"It hurts," she answered honestly.

"I'm sorry," he said, dropping a kiss on top of her head, "I should have gone with you."

"I wanted you to stay and beat Vega," Jade told him sharply. Her voice softened. "But thank you for coming now."

"Do you have to go home tonight?"

"No," Jade answered, "I told my dad we were staying there." Beck drove them to his RV and they went inside. Jade immediately changed from the revealing cowgirl outfit to a pair of cotton pajamas she kept in one of his drawers. She prepared for bed as best she could and was surprised to realize how difficult it was to remove makeup with only one hand.

Beck was sitting in bed and she handed him her brush. "Can you help?" He nodded and she sat in front of him, giving him access to brush her hair. He was careful, brushing out the bottom first and gently untangling knots. His free hand began to massage her neck and she practically purred in appreciation. She was exhausted and fell asleep sitting up, only to wake up seconds later when he lifted her and situated her under the covers of his bed.

"I'm sorry you didn't win," she said in a tired whisper.

"Oh, I won a long time ago," Beck assured her, dropping a kiss on her lips. She snuggled into his arms and drifted to sleep.

* * *

What did you think? There are a lot of great Jade and Beck and even Jade and Tori scenes that I would love to cover – but it would be tedious to cover each episode – so I won't hit everything. So, if I'm not writing about your favorite moment – I'm sorry! I hope you enjoy the moments I do include. Next chapter contains the two episodes where Beck goes away – Tori Gets Stuck and Prom Wrecker – and his reaction when he returns. The one following will be The Worst Couple - and then beyond the episodes as they have appeared.


	14. The Best in You

Thanks for your lovely reviews – they make my day more than you know. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 14 - The Best in You (Beggin' on your Knees)**

_Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you._ ~ Unknown

At the beginning, Jade was trying to help. She had heard rumors of Ryder's infidelities and general jackass-edness. Unlike Tori, Jade had social links to all parts of Hollywood Arts; she knew a lot more than most people realized. But her warning had fallen on deaf ears and she'd been accused of simply not wanting Tori to be happy; so she let it go. The other girl could learn for herself. Jade had learned plenty in life on her own; and it was a painful way to go about things.

Tori didn't listen to her and began a relationship with Ryder. And then it blew up in her face; just as Jade told her it would. And yet, Jade was the one who had been chastised in front of all of their friends. She sat on the steps on the Vega house and fought a pout; she wouldn't give Beck the satisfaction. He was going to pay for giving her a time out. She wasn't five years old. And boy, would she prove that to him.

After the song writing began, Jade was forgiven her previous comments and welcomed into the song writing process. Andre took care of the music, but Jade came up with most of the lyrics. She funneled most of her anger at Beck's "time out" into fantastically lyrical words for Andre's amazing song. And of course, Tori would get all the credit. But after seeing her expression after realizing what Ryder had done, Jade thought she might deserve it this time. At least a little.

As they left Tori's house after midnight, the air between them crackled with tension. It was Beck who first tried to alleviate it. "Those lyrics are amazing," he said. "You did a great job."

"I know," she answered tersely.

"I shouldn't have given you a time out," he said.

"You are right about that," Jade responded angrily. "How dare you? And in front of other people?"

"You were acting like a child – and you were being mean to Tori. You knew she was ready to cry and you just kept pushing. What was I supposed to do?"

"I am not your constant responsibility," Jade informed him. "I am perfectly capable of taking responsibility for the things I choose to say; they have no bearing on you. Everyone still thinks you're nice and considerate Beck while I'm just the bitch they can't understand why he keeps around."

"That is not how people see you," he said in protest. She shot him a look of derision that would have withered anyone else, but Beck stayed strong. "And if you would stop seeing yourself that way, maybe you would stop saying things that you regret later."

"I don't regret saying anything" Jade assured him. "And you haven't apologized."

"I am sorry," Beck said, pulling into his driveway behind his RV. He put the car into park and used both hands to pull her into his lap and then kissed her deeply. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I only want to protect you from saying something that you would regret later. And no matter how much you argue – I know that pretty brain of yours never stops thinking and rethinking – so I know you regret." Jade didn't answer, but she settled into his embrace; it was the most acceptance of his apology as she was going to offer. Sliding his arms under her knees and back, he carried her into the RV.

"I am sorry," Jade said softly that night, after she was in her pajamas and curled into his arms under the covers.

"You are?" Beck asked, somewhat surprised that she would admit it.

"I'm sorry Tori didn't listen to me in the first place," Jade responded. Beck sighed and chuckled before dropping a kiss at the top of her head and pulling her closer. She was tough; but that was one of the many reasons he loved her.

* * *

**What They Are (Tori Gets Stuck/ Prom Wrecker) **

_The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are_. ~ Stephen R. Covey

Jade had been alone for three days when Tori received the lead in Steamboat Suzie. That role was the only thing that was keeping her mind away from the empty space beside her - the one normally occupied by her large, kind, and extremely handsome boyfriend. Three days of a world Jade hated more than normal. She was tired of losing roles to Tori. Before the talented brunette had come along, Jade had been considered a shoe-in for whatever role she wanted; she was an extremely talented actress and singer. Tori had changed the perception that Jade could do no wrong. And Jade was tired of it. More simply, Jade was tired.

Since Beck had gone with his parents to Canada, she'd gone into frozen mode. It happened whenever Beck left town and was one of the reasons he tried to stay close by or at least take her along when he did leave. The last time he'd left town – she'd unintentionally lost five pounds. So this time, he made her promise she wouldn't forget to eat. So she didn't. She'd eaten lunch each day. Mostly, it was to get Cat and Tori - who were far too nosy for their own good - to leave her alone. Although Cat might not have noticed on her own, Beck was texting her every day and questioning her about his girlfriend. Jade wouldn't have answered a text that said "what did you eat for lunch?" But Cat didn't think a thing about answering a text reading "what did Jade eat for lunch?" And her response of nothing would have caused Beck to call and lecture Jade. So, on each of those days, Jade forced down a salad or a sandwich or a burrito, trying not to gag on the sandpaper feeling she experienced in her throat.

Breakfasts and dinners - well, that was why God invented coffee. And she needed coffee far more than even normal. Because sleep had evaded her since Beck's departure. Never in a million years would she admit that she needed to hear his voice or feel his presence to fall asleep, but it was the truth. She had gotten to the point of sleeping with him at least four nights a week; more when she could get away with it. When she didn't sleep over – he always called nightly and his was the last voice she heard. Unfortunately, reception on his grandparents' farm in Canada was spotty at best, so she would only hear from him a few times while he was gone. Her first thought was to stay in his RV while he was gone, so at least she'd have his scent and atmosphere surrounding her during the sleepless hours. Her common sense kicked in and she realized that her father - and the neighbors - would probably be suspicious.

Instead, she headed home after school, threw herself into her bedroom, and told her stepmother and father- if they approached – to leave her alone. She told herself that was the way she wanted it. She spent the evenings reading through books and plays that bore the signs of much use and love.

If she was more vicious than usual, she had her reasons. It was not her job to explain to people that things were bad right now; it should just be an unspoken understanding. But it wasn't. She'd lost the Steamboat Suzie lead. It hurt more than usual because Beck wasn't there to support her, to reassure her. It was difficult to remember that there was a time when constant affirmation was not necessary for her survival. Beck had spoiled her; softened her. Her agony over Beck's absence made her angry at herself; she was fiercely independent - she shouldn't need him. But she did, so she reacted in the only way she knew - lashed out at those around her - namely Tori. She was pretty ashamed of herself for purposely 'misplacing' Tori's first pint of blood. Not that those words would ever leave her lips. Not that she would have done anything differently if given the opportunity.

She video chatted with Beck during her free period the day she'd lost the lead, hidden in an instrument locker that was rarely used. He was in town with his grandfather, so he had reception and he listened to her intently. He sympathized with her about the lead for Steamboat Suzie going to Tori. Although Tori was talented and his friend, he had admitted that she was getting a large portion of the leads - leaving little for others, including Jade. But after he told her that he understood, he clearly warned her not to take any vengeful action. To which, Jade growled and logged off the chat. Beck texted, warning her again, and telling her he loved her.

She fought the urge to throw her phone across the room and instead packed up her things and headed home for another afternoon of wallowing in solitude. She supposed she could have found solace in Cat; but she didn't feel up to the job of worrying about her best friend. Cat was slipping more and more away from the reality that everyone else lived in; and Jade didn't know what to do about it. It was easier to avoid the topic altogether – which meant avoiding alone time with the redhead. Cat didn't notice; she had Tori to fill her best-friend quota.

"Is Jade being nastier than usual?" Tori asked Andre, after the other girl stormed from the lunch table. It was a week after the play and they were busy planning the last minute details for Prome .

"She doesn't like it when Beck leaves," Andre replied simply. "I'm surprised she's been this cool."

"This is cool? You call trying to sabotage my lead in the play cool? Trying to ruin Prome?"

"Last year, when Beck went to Canada for his aunt's funeral - he was only gone for a week. Jade tried to stuff a kid from the lower school into his cello case because the song he was playing annoyed her. That was after she made Cat cry a few dozen times and ripped off all of Rex's appendages. I'd say she's doing great this time."

"Why won't she just leave my Prome alone? Does she have to make everyone miserable?"

"You did sort of get her performance cancelled," Andre pointed out. He hated to mention it, but it was a little crass of Tori to completely forget that Jade had a reason to be upset. Of course she took it too far, but that was what Jade did - it was completely to be expected.

"It was one performance - and she can reschedule. It was the only day we could have Prome."

"Well, hopefully she'll get over it," Andre answered, glancing toward the direction Jade had exited.

"Do you think she'll try to ruin things tonight?" Tori asked.

"I'm not thinking along the lines of 'will she,'" Andre admitted. "I'm thinking about 'how will she?'" Tori groaned and threw a piece of her bread at him. He caught it gracefully and ate it, causing her to smile.

Despite Jade's best efforts, Prome was not ruined. At least not for anyone beyond Trina, who was devastated that she didn't receive her ill-gotten crown. Jade quickly used a knee to the groin to get away from the creepy, smelly Doug-the-Diaper-Guy. When she'd hired him, she didn't imagine she'd be alone with him. At all. After incapacitating him momentarily, she jogged in her heels to her car and climbed in. Her phone was blinking with a new message; Beck was home.

She stormed into the door of his RV and threw herself into his confused embrace. She'd neglected to tell him that her performance had been cancelled. She'd left out any mention of Tori's stupid Prome. So, the teal dress was a surprise. The tears that began falling were a complete shock.

It took most of an hour to coax out of her what had happened – and roughly what percentage of events were her fault. Between fits of sobs, Beck convinced her to change out of the teal dress and into a pair of pajamas. It took him another half an hour to calm her and lull her into sleep. Once he was certain she was out for the night, he drove to Tori's house.

Tori answered the door almost immediately and Beck could hear Trina's voice from somewhere in the house, saying "you'll get it!" Tori was in her pajamas, her hair damp and curly from the rain that had hit earlier in the evening. She smiled and invited him in and Beck felt a pang of nausea – he hated confrontation.

"I'm glad you're back," Tori told him, perching on one of the sofas, "Jade has been a nightmare. She always behaves better when you're around."

"I wanted to talk to you about that," Beck said, sitting on the other sofa, facing her. "I think what you did – cancelling Jade's performance – was pretty uncool. She's really upset."

"She ruined prome!" Tori said, stunned that Beck was taking Jade's side. What she'd done was horrible.

"She had her performance planned for tonight – how would you feel if you'd planned your prom for three months and then she got it cancelled for a performance she came up with in three days?" Tori looked at him oddly; why was he defending Jade? She'd been mean and vindictive.

"And I'm really upset about you letting Doug the Diaper Guy run off with her – and for calling her a freak demon in front of the entire school. Not cool, Tori."

"She is constantly making fun of me and trying to do mean things – but I'm the one getting yelled at?" Tori asked. "I know she's your girlfriend – but you have to see that she doesn't treat people right – and she can't always get her way."

"There is a lot about Jade that you don't know," Beck told her solemnly. "But trust me when I tell you that she rarely gets her way. And she does have a right to be upset about the Prom – you got her performance cancelled – and she worked hard on that."

"Did you just come over here to yell at me?"

"No," Beck said. "I just want you to know that things aren't always as they seem. And Jade really isn't a bad person. But she hasn't had an easy life – and if you push her – she's going to push back harder."

"So you want me to apologize to her?"

"She will be apologizing to you for trying to ruin Prom – and for the blood thing. That was just wrong. But I think you should consider what you might apologize for. Because you're both at fault here." After Beck left, Tori was stunned; Beck had never chastised her before; she didn't like it.

Jade never knew of the conversation. She was still sleeping that night when he crawled under the covers. So, she was somewhat surprised two days later when Tori approached her and apologized.

"I'm sorry I got your performance cancelled. I'm sure it would have been – terrifying," Tori said uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry for misplacing your blood. Thanks for not calling the cops about that." There was a pause and Jade looked at the ground, then back at Tori. "And I guess I'm sorry I tried to ruin your prom."

"Prome," Tori said, emphasizing the last sound of the word.

"Oh, shut up," Jade said, rolling her eyes at Tori before walking away.

"Well," Tori huffed, watching Jade leave.

* * *

I hope you liked it – Share your thoughts. Did you have a favorite part? The next chapter will contain "The Worst Couple." It was difficult – but I think it worked out pretty well.


	15. The Agony of Parting

Thanks for the lovely reviews! This was completely finished – so there was no reason to hold it back – so, two chapters in two days. I swear – this doesn't happen often. These two stories I've written for Victorious have tumbled out more naturally than any other fan fiction – and I've been writing fan fiction for a while. Oh well, it's a good thing. So, here it is – it was the most difficult to write so far – I hope you like it:

* * *

Chapter 15 – The Agony of Parting (The Worst Couple)

"Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love."

~George Eliot

She knew she was in an angry mood. She knew she was being unpleasant. She couldn't seem to muster the energy to care. She'd had approximately eight hours of sleep in four days. Since Sinjin's terrible game show, she and Beck had barely been talking, let alone sleeping together. Her father and Michelle argued almost constantly and it set Jade's nerves on edge so that by the time she was ready to go to bed, her brain refused to cooperate and shut off.

Did she and Beck argue? Of course. Had it been worse lately? Absolutely. She didn't care to think about the reasons too carefully but when she had too much time for retrospection, she had to admit that it was probably her fault. She'd felt jumpy and edgy and angry for the last few weeks. One minute she was on the verge of tears (which she was determined would never been seen) and the next she wanted to rip someone's head off. And there was not one person she felt she could trust with this information. She had no idea what was wrong; and no one who she thought she might be able to trust.

She may have told Beck, if she could remember how to speak with him in a normal tone. She tried to talk to him about what was wrong – the feelings that she didn't understand. But it always ended badly. It always ended in an argument. His patience had run thin. She could hardly blame him; she hadn't really wanted to be around herself lately either.

It was hurtful when their friends were gathering without them. She was hurt, so she used hurtful words directed at them. It was what she knew; her go-to weapon. Was it childish to give Beck an ultimatum? Absolutely. But she wasn't thinking straight and it happened anyway. She made it through the numbers and stood looking at the door for a moment, reflecting on what she'd done. Her heart shattered and suddenly she couldn't breathe.

She wanted to cry; she thought she would cry. But her eyes remained as dry during the drive. It gave her time to reflect but she couldn't; her mind was numb and blank. And it hurt. She still didn't feel like she was breathing.

Walking in the front door to her father's house, she saw him sitting in the living room, reading a paper while some police procedural played on television. "I thought you were out with Beck," he said, his voice void of any emotion that would suggest his opinion on Beck.

"No," she said gruffly. She started up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Jade?" Her father called after her. She stopped in the middle of the stairs and looked at him across the banister. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said, fighting for a normal tone to her voice. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he answered, watching her leave before turning to the clock to see that it was barely nine in the evening.

The first thing she did was to take a hot shower. As hot as she could stand it - turning her pale skin pink and then red. The slight stinging pain cleared her mind a bit. She was hoping the steam would help her breathe. It didn't. Her chest still felt tight as she rubbed her skin dry with a bath towel and changed into a pair of pajamas. She whisked her hair into a messy bun and picked up a copy of Matilda from her bookshelf. It was her favorite book. She'd often hoped when she'd been younger that she would find her own Miss Honey. She knew she'd done well enough; she'd found Cat, then Beck, then Ella. And now she'd lost two of them. And the only reason the third was still around was because she probably didn't realize she'd been insulted. And insulted badly. Her words aimed at Cat were ones that Jade already regretted the most.

The front door opened and Jade heard the yelling start. It was Michelle who did the yelling; just like when she was little her mother had done all the yelling. Jade didn't blame her father for being who he was; he wasn't a terrible guy. But couldn't he find a woman who wasn't so high maintenance? Who wasn't always wanting more, demanding more, screaming for more? Michelle was never happy with what he could give her. Camilla had never been happy with what he could give her. They both wanted more. They wanted blood, Jade thought tiredly. She found ear plugs in her nightstand, pushed them into her ears, and grabbed the blankets from her bed. She dragged them into her walk-in closet, along with her book and a book light. She curled into the far corner and read the book through in an hour. Extinguishing the light, she curled into the blankets and let the first tears fall.

By next morning, after she'd cried for hours, the tightness in her chest dissipated. She was able to breathe. But she looked frightful with her bloodshot, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. It was a Saturday and normally that would mean Beck time. Normally she also wouldn't have slept in her own bed - or in her own closet - on a Friday night. After washing her face, she threw a black sweater over her pajamas and walked down to the kitchen to eat something. She wasn't hungry, but it was something to do.

She was in the middle of cooking an omelet when Michelle walked in the kitchen door, back from a morning run. "Make sure you clean that up," she said to Jade.

"I always do," Jade said tersely. "Where's my dad?"

"Work," Michelle answered. Of course he was, Jade thought. It was the only way the man could escape his second wife. His second failed marriage. Michelle looked at the coffee pot, full of the dark brew. "Is that fresh?" Jade nodded and watched as the woman poured most of the pot into a travel mug. There was at least a cup left, so Jade said nothing. She knew the other woman was baiting her and she was too tired for a fight. After Michelle had gone up the stairs to her bedroom, Jade sat at the kitchen table with her cup of coffee and her omelet, picking at it for ten minutes and eating about half.

She threw the rest away, cleaned up the kitchen, and went back to her bedroom. Her computer was sitting open on the desk, a notification blinking. Beck had changed his status, effectively changing hers. She shut the lid to her laptop and went about picking up her room, making her bed with the blankets rescued from the closet.

The only thing she knew for certain about that day was that she couldn't possibly sit in her bedroom all day. But there was no one she wanted to face yet - and being in public was iffy. She wasn't feeling stable on any level - her stomach was lurching, her head ached, her eyes burned with unshed tears. Finally, she settled on the movie theater. She could watch mind-numbing movies all day and sit in the dark where people were unlikely to see or recognize her; and at least she wouldn't be stuck in her bedroom like she had been as a child.

There were two action movies and two bloody thrillers in the theater and she watched them all that day. Her phone vibrated with messages; most were from Cat but she saw with annoyance that there were a few from Andre, Robbie, and Tori. When she hadn't answered any of their texts or calls by five that afternoon, she received one more to add to the collection.

"Let someone know you're okay." It was simple, it was sparse, but it was clear. And Beck meant it. She knew if she didn't answer someone he would start looking for her; and he was unfortunately well-versed on her usual hiding places and habits.

She quickly texted Cat. "I'm fine. I'll call you later. I need time." It was enough to stop the attempts at communication - all of them. After the last movie, she grabbed a cup of coffee from one of her favorite places and drove back home, avoiding her father and Michelle as she returned to her bedroom. That night, she picked up Anne of Green Gables. Damned perfect Gilbert wouldn't be more than an annoying neighborhood boy for a few books, so it was safe to read. She laid it on her bed and took out her cell phone, dialing Cat.

"Jade! Where have you been? I stopped at your house and Michelle said you went out."

"I went to the movies," Jade told her. "What did you do today?"

"Are you okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Cat," she said sharply. Her voice softened. "Tell me what you did today." Jade spend the next forty minutes listening to a play-by-play of Cat's day from the chocolate chip pancakes she'd had at a diner to mini golf with Robbie and her current preparations for a fancy Italian dinner that evening. Jade knew that Robbie thought they were going on a date - and that Cat thought they were going as friends.

"What time is Robbie picking you up?" Jade finally interrupted.

"At 6:30," Cat answered.

"Well, go finish getting ready. Have fun."

"I will," Cat said with a giggle. "I love you, Jadey."

"Love you too," Jade answered, before hanging up the phone.

The next week was one of the hardest of her life. Jade walked through the halls of Hollywood Arts - halls she loved - and was forced to pretend that she was fine. Her heart wasn't broken. Her brain wasn't confused and cloudy. She was fine.

Beck looked fine to everyone too, even to Jade. But he was having his own time to think things through; he wasn't any happier with the relationship ending than Jade was. While she'd spent the weekend hidden in the movie theater or her bedroom, he sat in his parents' house, mindlessly playing video games on the big screen in their basement game room. Andre had joined him on Saturday, trying to get him to talk – but Beck informed him that guys didn't do that; and it ended any inquiries as to his wellbeing.

It took four days after the breakup for Ella Oliver to go and find Jade. The woman was sitting on a bench outside of Hollywood Arts after the last bell, sipping a cup of coffee while holding another in her free hand. Jade sat next to her and accepted the cup of steaming brew, wondering how she'd rated forgiveness so quickly.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until the crowd of exiting students died down and it was quieter in the front courtyard. Beck had left early that day, Jade knew from a conversation she'd overheard between Tori and Andre. "I screwed up big this time," she said softly.

"We all make mistakes," Ella informed her. "Being stubborn has its drawbacks." Jade shook her head; she didn't have the energy to laugh at the little joke. "Are you okay?"

Jade shook her head but kept silent; she was not okay.

"There's a quote – I can't remember the exact wording – but it says something like - If you love someone, let him go free. If he comes back to you, he's yours forever. If he doesn't, he was never yours to begin with."

"Is that supposed to help?" Jade asked softly, no vinegar in her words. Ella laughed.

"It is, actually. I held onto it pretty tightly when Bryan and I were apart. Because I knew we were meant to be. And I think you know that about Beck." Jade had looked sharply at Ella when she'd mentioned the separation; the young girl wanted details – but she wouldn't ask.

Ella was quiet for a few minutes before she told Jade of the year she and her husband had stopped dating in college. The separation had begun with a stupid argument that Ella couldn't even remember and ended when he'd driven through the night to see her after her favorite aunt had passed away.

"I guess that helps," Jade assented.

"Just hang in there – and be willing to apologize. You can't always be right." Jade looked at her oddly; she was never right. How could she always be right when nothing she did was ever right? But she took the gentle criticism; she knew she deserved it.

"Are you still staying with your dad?" Jade nodded; she'd promised Beck, Cat, and herself. She wouldn't go back to her mother's house. "If you need something, will you please call me?" Jade didn't say anything; she didn't like to lie. "Jade, look at me." She did. "Please, if you need something – I want you to call me – I don't care what kind of argument you're having with my son or whether you're currently dating or not. I need you to call me – can you please promise me that?" Eventually Jade nodded – because she knew it would give the woman peace of mind. They ended the meeting with a hug, and Ella left Jade to her own thoughts.

A week later, Ella invited her to dinner and a musical. Despite her insistence that she hated them, Jade truly adored musicals. Especially the dark ones like Spring Awakening, Next to Normal, and Cabaret. That particular evening, Ella had tickets to the Broadway touring cast of Les Miserables. Jade met her at the restaurant and they talked for two hours before they had to leave for the show. Ella worried that she had no one to talk to without Beck – and she guessed from Jade's sudden motor-mouth that evening that she was correct.

Arriving home close to midnight, Ella was surprised to find Beck sitting on the living room sofa, watching a repeat of Saturday Night Live. He had been not-so-stealthily avoiding the RV. "Hi, dear," she said, hanging her good coat in the closet.

"Are you seeing my ex-girlfriend?" Beck asked, eyeing his mom's dark purple dress and curled hair. "Because dad said you went to a show – and I don't know who you would have gone with other than him or Jade."

"It's sad that you think my pool of friends is so shallow," Ella informed him, clasping her hands together as she walked toward her son. "But yes, I did take Jade to dinner and a show. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Do you think the breakup is my fault?"

"I don't know how that's an answer to my question. But since you went there – fine, I'll tell you. I think you know how hard it is for her to be upfront about her feelings – so, in a way, you are more responsible in this case," Ella said awkwardly. She might as well be honest.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Beck said.

"Beck, there aren't sides here – there are lives," his mother said calmly. "Would you rather I stay away from Jade? Would you have been happier thinking that she was alone this evening?"

"It's not my fault she pushes everyone away," Beck answered, sounding hurt.

"No, it's not," Ella answered, perching on the arm of the sofa. She playfully ruffled her son's hair. "But that knowledge should help you to understand why I'm not going to cut her off. She doesn't have a lot of people in her life who care. So, if you think you can muster up a little bit of maturity, you're just going to have to deal with it."

For three months, they were apart. They remained in the same social group and were around one another daily. But they were apart. It broke Jade's heart a little more each day. It felt like she was starving – and drowning. At the same time. But she never pushed. If he was coming back, it was going to be because he wanted to – not because he was worried about her or because he pitied her. She shuddered at those thoughts.

There were moments when the separation didn't matter – times when it gave her more opportunities to study, to play the piano, to write songs, to spent time with Cat. It also gave her the realization that she didn't spend enough time with Cat while Beck was around. But there were other times when it felt like she was dying. When she had good news and no one who truly cared to hear it. Or when something had hurt her and there was no one to notice. She was so excited about the Platinum Music Awards – but with no one to share it with, it became almost meaningless. So she'd given the slot back to Tori – her time would come – but if she took this particular shot – she was afraid it would leave her alone for good. Giving Tori the opportunity had been the right thing to do – the thing that Beck would respect – and the thing that would preserve the fledgling friendship she was somehow growing with the younger Vega.

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Okay, I have to ask: Reviews in the past few chapters have dropped off a little bit. So, for those of you who have stopped reviewing, what's up? Are you bored? Do you hate episode retellings?

For those of you who continue to read and review faithfully – thank you! You're wonderful! Forget I'm mentioning this! What do you think? Was it a fair retelling of The Worst Couple?


	16. Forever in My Garden

Thanks to all those who continue to read and review. :-)

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Chapter 16- Forever in My Garden

_If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden._ ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

Jade felt lost. She wasn't hurt – she wasn't in any danger – she wasn't hungry. This was not a type of pain she was used to. It wasn't sharp and urgent. It was dull and aching – something that made her want to crawl under the covers and never come out again. But she did – morning after morning. She got out of bed and went about her business, fighting the hole in her heart that threatened to destroy her.

Being away from Beck – physically and emotionally – proved that she didn't need him to survive. But it was an existence that was lacking in color and grace. She might not need him to breathe, but she needed him to laugh and dance and sing – to enjoy life.

The revelation came to her while writing a song. A song for Beck. She scribbled down the last few notes, closed the piano fall, and grabbed her purse before running out the door. It was late – almost eleven at night – and her father called after her – but she kept going, giving him only an "I'm fine – be back soon," before disappearing.

She sat in front of the familiar house for nearly an hour before she got up enough courage to ring the doorbell. It was late, but Jade knew the occupant was alone.

"I know I haven't been nice to you," Jade said, as soon as Tori opened the door. "And you have no reason to help me. But I'm asking anyway - because I don't have any more options." Tori stepped aside, silently inviting Jade into the living room.

"Do you want something to drink?" Tori asked her. Jade shook her head, perching uncomfortably on the edge of a sofa, her brain trying to collect the right words.

"He's moved on," Jade said sadly. "And I can't - I don't want to."

"He hasn't moved on," Tori told her. "He misses you. He's just good at what he does - acting."

"He tried to kiss you," Jade said, "I think that qualifies as moving on."

"He's desperate for company," Tori argued. "He wants you back. But he's not going to be the one to move on it. You gave him an ultimatum and he chose - I don't know how you fix that."

"Neither do I," Jade answered.

Tori did finally force a beverage and a very late dinner on her; she could see that Jade had been losing weight. Weight that she didn't need to lose. They sat on the sofa, eating pasta and watching bad 80s movies all night and into morning. Jade texted her dad just before midnight, telling him she was staying with Tori.

Just as the first light of morning started to appear, Jade saw a small smile begin on Tori's lips. "What?" She asked, both curious and slightly annoyed.

"I have an idea," Tori informed her.

"Well, what is it?"

"If I tell you, it won't work. Trust me?"

"It's not that easy," Jade answered stubbornly. And it wasn't. She trusted very few people in her life - for very good reasons. And trusting the one person who constantly made her doubt herself was not a leap she was comfortable making.

"I guess you don't have much choice," Tori said. They didn't speak of it again, and nothing happened. Two weeks later, the conversation was the last thing Jade was considering as Sikowitz sent her on an annoying errand.

Jade didn't know why Sikowitz needed this particular costume from the oldest and dirtiest costume closet in the school. Or why she had to be the one to find it. But she was sneezing almost immediately when she entered the room. He said it was in one of the back corners, so she headed away from the door and began looking. Less than five minutes into her search, she found the jester's costume, complete with hat and shoe covers. She was walking toward the door when it opened. Beck entered the room. "Hi," he said uncomfortably.

"Hi," she answered. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for a cow costume for Sikowitz."

"Why the hell does he want a cow costume? He just sent me searching for this jester costume!" Her words were punctuated by two sneezes. Beck moved forward and offered her a handkerchief he always carried in his pocket. It was old fashioned and she used to make fun of him for it, but he'd been taught the habit by his grandfather. After meeting his grandfather and realizing that he was someone to want to emulate, Jade stopped teasing. She accepted the handkerchief with a soft thanks and had it over her mouth and nose just in time to catch another sneeze.

"You should probably get out of here," Beck said. Her allergy to dust mites was not usually a huge issue, but in this room, he knew she could get to the point of being sick pretty quickly. Just as he said the words, they heard the door shut. Beck tried the knob but the door was locked. He pushed all of his weight against it; it was blocked from the other side.

He banged his fist against the sturdy wood. "Hey! There are people in here! Open the door!"

"They know," Jade said, sitting down in defeat. She had chosen the wrong perch; the prop sofa probably hadn't been used in twenty years and emitted a great cloud of dust when she sat, sending her into a flurry of sneezes and coughs. Beck pulled her quickly away from it and saw her on a chair made of metal and plastic. After she stopped coughing, he pulled out his phone and dialed Andre, who he knew was waiting for him in Sikowitz's classroom.

"Hey man," Andre said easily.

"Hey, Jade and I are locked in the costuming closet under the stage - the one in the very back. Can you come see what's blocking the door and get us out?"

"No can do," Andre replied smoothly. "You two aren't allowed out until you make nice. Tori said so."

"Jade is allergic to dust," Beck said emphatically. "This room is filled with it."

"Now, that just sounds like an excuse to get out of there."

"It's not an excuse," Beck said irritably. "It's the truth."

"Then you might want to make up fast," Andre answered. "I can't let you out, neither will Robbie, Tori, or Sikowitz. And we took Cat's phone - so she won't help either."

"I'm not kidding Andre - she's already coughing - we need to get out of here." Jade motioned for Beck to give over the phone. He did and she spoke, her voice already rough from the buildup of unpleasantness in her sinuses.

"Let us out, now," she said sternly.

"You don't scare me – you're the one locked in a room," Andre informed her.

"I promise, I'll make it up to you when I get out," Jade responded. "I need out of here – right now."

"No can do." He wasn't budging. Jade realized – this was Tori's plan. Couldn't she have planned it for somewhere cleaner? She sighed and bit back a cough.

"Alright, if you won't let us out, you need to get my inhaler and allergy pills down here. I don't care how you get them to me - but I need them now." She told him where to find the needed materials in her purse and within three minutes, the pill bottle and the inhaler were wedged under the door. It wasn't easy – but there was a hole at the bottom that gave them just enough clearance. A text to Jade's phone informed her she could find water bottles in a certain cabinet - and she did. Along with snacks. The cabinet was fully – and recently – stocked.

"Apparently they thought this would take a while," she said, opening one of the bottles. She took one her pills and then two puffs of her inhaler.

"Our friends locked us in a closet. Why are you not freaked?" Beck asked, watching her unusually calm demeanor.

"I'm trying to breathe," Jade informed him. Truthfully, she found small spaces comforting. But this one was a little too dirty for her taste.

They sat in silence for the next twenty minute, except for Beck's occasional request to know how she was feeling. She was fine, she assured him. After the third time, she'd had enough.

"The medicine kicked in. I'm fine," she said sharply. "Why do you care?"

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean I don't care about you," Beck answered. "Did you stop caring about me?"

"No," she answered shortly. She paused for less than a minute before continuing. "If you care about me, why did you try to kiss Tori?" It wasn't an angry question; it was a curious one. He was surprised at the lack of vinegar in her voice.

"She told you?"

"I saw it. She still had FaceTime up on the computer and didn't realize it," she answered. He was silent for a moment. That must have hurt her. He knew it had hurt her. And that caused a twinge in his heart.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You don't have to apologize," she said with a shrug. "We weren't dating. You don't need my permission to move on."

"I wasn't moving on-"

"You don't have to explain-"

"I want to," he interrupted sharply, gaining her full attention. "I wasn't moving on. I was trying to feel something. Anything. I miss you." Jade looked at him, her eyes blank as she buried the hope far enough down that it wouldn't be injured if this was a false lead.

"I'm sorry I gave you an ultimatum," she said softly. "It was wrong. And I'm sorry I'm not easy to get along with. I try-"

"I know you do," he answered. "Is there any way you'd consider?" She was silent. He turned to look away from her, thinking he knew what the silence meant, when suddenly he found her in his arms, curled into his lap. He hugged her tightly, appreciating the way she fit perfectly into his embrace.

They stayed that way for ten minutes before Jade leaned up to kiss him. Then she spoke. "Now call Tori and get us out of this room. I'm getting hives." He realized with alarm that she was - tiny red splotches were rising across her arms, legs, and chest.

They door was opened within two minutes and Beck carried her directly to the girls' locker room, telling Cat to bring her dance bag and meet them there. He made Jade take a shower, which relieved most of the immediate symptoms and at least calmed her hives. She changed into a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt that were in her dance bag and let Beck carry her to his car. She took a Benadryl on top of her normal allergy pill, which would knock her out, but would also make the hives disappear completely. Tori was beside herself - apologizing profusely for locking them in the closet. She didn't know about Jade's allergy. Jade waved her off; she really didn't care. It had worked - that was worth a few hives any day.

When she woke later that day, she opened her eyes to Beck for the first time in almost four months. It made her smile. He smiled back, setting aside the book he'd been reading and snuggling next to her.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jade assured him. "Just tired."

"I think your allergies are getting worse," he said, the concern evident. "When is the last time you had an attack that bad?"

"Ninth grade - when we decided to have a make out session on an old prop sofa behind the stage. It was crawling with dust mites."

"I remember that day fondly," Beck said.

"Of course you do," Jade murmured against his ear. "Can we be okay now?"

"I think we can arrange that. But in the future, let's set a decibel level on our arguments," Beck suggested.

"Why don't we not yell?" Jade suggested. His eyes opened wide in surprise.

"You're suggesting we give up any yelling – ever?" She nodded.

"I mean, if you think you can't handle that…" she started, her voice teasing.

"Oh, I am not the one I'm worried about," Beck answered. "But if you're up for it – I am. No yelling. We need to spend less time getting louder and more time discussing."

"Or kissing," she said, leaning in for one. "If that works better."

"We'll work something out," Beck assured her, kissing her back deeply.

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Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. Please take a moment to review and let me know what you thought.


	17. A Safe Place to Land

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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"_I have never had a safe place to land… but now I feel like I do."_

~ I. Marlene King, Pretty Little Liars

They had been back together for several months; senior year at Hollywood Arts had begun. It was a Friday evening and Beck had just returned the day before from a trip to visit his grandparents in Canada. Jade was settled in, wearing yoga pants and long-sleeved t-shirt. Makeup was scrubbed from her face. So he knew she was staying the night, but she clearly didn't want to have sex. Beck respected that – he was not the type of guy to pressure the woman he loved. But it was odd – Jade was always in the mood, even on rare occasions when he wasn't. She was curled in a ball on his bed, her attention focused on a play she was reading for school. He was sprawled on the sofa, watching a rerun of That '70s Show.

It was early when she placed the book on his nightstand and curled further into the blankets, her eyes closing. He turned off the television and went to her side, sitting on the edge of his bed. His fingers stroked a few strands of dark hair back from her face. "What's up, babe? It's barely dark outside. You alright?"

"I'm tired," she answered. "Buzz off." Normally, he would have. But a sick feeling settled into his stomach; Jade had refused to allow him to see her naked. She'd changed into pajamas in the bathroom; she'd locked the door when she'd taken a shower. She's stopped several make-out sessions before they could progress. They were clues that he'd seen before.

Without saying a word that would only lead to her arguing, Beck quickly pushed back the blankets and whipped her shirt up, revealing what should have been smooth, milky white skin. Instead, she was covered in bruises. They were all new – red and purple and black and very sore looking.

"Beck!" She cried, sitting up and pulling away.

"Damn it! Jade! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't yell at me!" she cried. "It was a onetime thing," she answered. "My dad was out of town – Michelle got mad at me and made me go and stay with my mom. She dropped me off and watched me walk in the door; I didn't really have a choice. John was angry about something at work and the door doesn't have locks anymore – I was waiting for Cat to call and I was planning to go stay with her for the night. It's fine – it barely hurts." She was begging him to believe her; tears were rolling down her cheeks.

He was livid. Why hadn't she walked away? She stood up to everyone – but she let herself be sent back into that house? Why hadn't she gotten in her car and left? Why hadn't she called someone? But Beck knew the answers; and they scared him.

Beck knew he would only upset her if he started asking those questions; he knew it could wait. He settled for examining her injuries. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his pillow as he pulled back her pajamas, examining the bruising, prodding her with gentle fingers to make sure her ribs weren't broken. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what it felt like to run his fingers over her broken ribs. He was relieved to realize nothing was broken – only badly bruised.

"Did he- " Beck couldn't say it; it was something that burned at his soul every time he thought about it.

"Hell no," Jade replied, turning her eyes to glare in his direction. "I kicked him in the balls - it took a few shots - but he certainly couldn't get it up after that." She glared hard. "I've learned a few things since I was thirteen."

"It's too dangerous for you to be there," Beck said, softly stroking her hair.

Jade sighed, torn between the necessity of finishing the conversation and the state of relaxation her boyfriend was able to lull her into. Was it dangerous every time she went into that house? Absolutely. She liked to point out it was also dangerous every time they got into a moving vehicle or went swimming in the ocean. Beck failed to see the similarities.

"Michelle was angry. It was my fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut, she wouldn't have sent me over there."

"She knows what they did," he said angrily. "How—"

"She never believed it," Jade reminded him softly. "It doesn't matter. "My dad's coming back tomorrow morning – he won't let her kick me out again."

Beck wanted to continue the conversation – to demand to know what she thought would happen once her father went out of town again? He'd been traveling more and more on business – probably to get away from his ill-chosen second wife. But it was a conversation that fell on deaf ears. Jade felt somewhat responsible for Michelle's hatred toward her and she rarely did anything to stand up for herself in that house. But then when she did, it was on a blow-out scale that usually got her into trouble. He settled for lulling her into a peaceful sleep and making plans to change the situation. Because this was not happening again; he would make certain of it.

The next morning, when Jade woke Beck was gone – she panicked, sitting up and looking around the RV. Her expression cooled considerably when she realized she wasn't alone; Tori and Cat were sitting on the sofa, flipping through magazines and watching television at a level they probably couldn't hear. "What are you doing here?" She asked with her voice thick with sleep and annoyance.

"Jade!" Cat cried, running to the bed and pouncing on her friend, hugging her. "You're awake!"

"What are you doing here?" Jade repeated, shrugging off the embrace. She tried not to wince as Cat's squeeze made contact with her bruised ribs.

"Beck called and said you needed company today. But he said we had to be quiet until you woke up. It's really hard to be quiet for so long. But we did it – didn't we? We didn't wake you up?"

"You didn't wake me up," Jade agreed. "But you can go now – I don't need company. Beck was wrong."

"We're not leaving," Tori answered, crossing the RV to sit on a chair next to the bed. She picked up a water bottle from the night stand and handed it to Jade, along with an envelope. Jade jerked away from the other brunette's movements but then settled and accepted the slim item. She scowled at Tori before opening the envelope – it contained several pills and a note from Beck.

_Jade_ ~ _Take the pills. Don't argue with Tori. Be nice to Cat. I love you – I'll be back soon. ~ Beck_

Jade grimaced but threw back the pills with a gulp of water – she was already feeling the pain. Tori moved around the kitchen for a few minutes and eventually returned with a bowl of cut fruit and a fork, which she again passed to the other brunette. Jade had to admit Beck was good at leaving directions. She picked at the fruit while Cat flittered on about what they had planned for the day. Apparently it was a movie marathon complete with everything Jade pretended to hate – but her best friend knew she loved.

Despite the desire to prove that she was fine, Jade was still feeling tired and achy. She changed into a clean pair of lounge pants and a long sleeved t-shirt and did nothing more than brush her teeth and hair and make sure no bruises were visible. Returning to the main room of the RV, she lay down on the sofa, her head in Cat's lap. It was soothing to have someone running their fingers through her hair, even if it was her best friend instead of her boyfriend.

Just before lunch time, Cat decided they absolutely needed ice cream, so she volunteered to go to the grocery store. Jade attempted to force Tori to accompany her, but no such luck.

"What did Beck tell you?" Jade asked, her eyes directed at the television where Mama Mia was paused.

"Not much," Tori promised. "Only that he needed to do something and he didn't want you to be alone today. The rest – it's yours to tell."

"I'm not telling you."

"Okay."

"This does not make us friends," Jade warned her.

"Of course not," Tori responded, biting back a smile.

Meanwhile, Beck was busy. He had borrowed his uncle's truck – which had more space than his own car. He knocked on the door of the West mansion. Camilla West answered almost immediately and stepped aside to let him in. "Jade's not here," she said coldly.

"I'm aware," Beck answered. "Is John here?"

"He's at work," Camilla answered. Beck didn't believe her for a moment; the slug was probably nursing his wounds from his most recent encounter with Jade.

"I'm going upstairs to get anything that belongs to Jade. She's not coming back here."

"You can't decide that," Camilla snarled, her blue eyes wide. She was beautiful, just like her daughter. Unlike her daughter, she was a washed-out kind of beautiful. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, her skin pale to the point of translucence. Her hair was long and listless, despite the obvious care she put into trying to make it look elegant.

Abuse had taken its toll on this woman. The abuse she had suffered and the abuse she had doled out. Beck ignored her and walked up the stairs. He'd wanted to ask Andre and Robbie for help – but then he would have had explaining to do. It was easy enough to explain to Tori and Cat that Jade had a bad day and he hadn't wanted to leave her alone. It was another thing to explain to Andre and Robbie why he was collecting all of Jade's worldly possessions. So he worked alone. Beck moved to the closet where he knew Jade kept her large variety of bags and luggage and threw three suitcases on the bed. Most of her things had been moved to her father's house, but Beck had never realized how much was still in Jade's childhood bedroom.

Mrs. West watched from the doorway as Beck looked through drawers and shelves, packing anything he thought she might want. Within a few short hours, Beck had taken all that he knew his girlfriend cherished or needed; all else was staying. He loaded the bags into his uncle's truck.

He stopped at her father's house and did the same thing. Alex West was upset that Jade had been sent to stay with her mother – but didn't say a word when Beck informed him that she wouldn't be returning to his house either. Alex knew he had failed his daughter time and again; he only hoped that Beck would prove to by the man who wouldn't.

The rest of the day was spent moving Jade's things into the Oliver house. Beck knew there wasn't enough room in the RV – so everything went into one of the guest bedrooms, with Ella's blessing and, lucky for Beck's fatigue – Bryan's help. Jade was effectively moved in with the Oliver family.

If either of Beck's parents disapproved of the arrangement, they kept silent about it. The group of friends figured out pretty quickly that Jade was living with Beck and his family full time – but no one knew exactly why – and they knew enough not to ask.

Jade was annoyed that Beck had made the decision without consulting her, but she never argued about the end result.

* * *

What did you think? Do you like the fact that Jade is now with Beck full time? Do you think it will cause any problems? Thanks for reading – please take a moment to share your thoughts.


	18. The Best is Yet to Be

There was a chapter in Try Again Tomorrow that I feared was a little too far into left field. I feel that way about this chapter in parts – but it worked out in that story - and I think it will in this story too. (so bear with me) I wanted to include the first part of this chapter because it gives some explanation to Ella's devotion to Jade.

* * *

_Grow old with me! The best is yet to be._ ~Robert Browning

It was eight on a Saturday morning when they were woken by a soft knocking. Beck heard it first and crawled out of bed, not disturbing Jade, who slept closer to the wall. He was curious; very few people came to his RV without first warning him with something like a text message or a phone call. He pulled aside a curtain and saw his mother, standing in the driveway, looking fully awake and close to chipper. He opened the door enough to step out.

"Mom," he said, his eyes squinting as they adjusted to the sun, "what's going on?"

"You can go back to sleep," she told him. "I don't want you. I want Jade." Beck's expression changed to one of slight surprise; they didn't exactly make Jade's sleepovers a secret – especially now that all of her worldly possessions were in the Oliver home - but Ella had never before acknowledged the girl's presence before noon. Everyone knew what they were doing, but it wasn't talked about.

"Wake her up," said Ella, " really, I'm serious." She leaned her head past Beck, her vision able to catch the edge of the bed, where she knew Jade was currently wrapped in blankets, sleeping.

"Tell her we're leaving in twenty minutes – however she's dressed at that moment, that's how she stays all day."

"Where are you going?" Beck asked, watching as his mother headed back toward the house. She turned around to face him, smiling slightly.

"Shopping," she answered in a tone that frightened him.

"Babe, wake up," Beck said, shaking her shoulder. He wasn't very gentle; he knew what it took to wake Jade.

"No," Jade cried, annoyed. "Leave me alone."

"My mother wants you dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes," he said. Her eyes shot open.

"Why the hell does she want me ready to go? To go where?" Is she angry?" She continued asking her questions as she jumped out of bed and moved to the drawer where she kept extra clothing. Grabbing a pair of jeans, a black camisole, and a lacy cardigan sweater, she moved to the bathroom to change. Thankful that she'd washed her hair the night before, Jade was ready to go with two minutes to spare. There were very few adults - or people - that Jade would hurry herself for. Ella happened to be one of those few.

"I promise I will bring her back to you this evening in one piece," Ella told him when Jade exited the RV. "In fact, I'll even spring for dinner. Bring your father – meet us at the Grill at 6." Beck was still confused; but less worried. What could his mother possibly do to hurt Jade? And why would she want to? Ella made no secret of the fact that she often preferred Jade's company to that of her own son.

"Where are we going?" Jade asked, following Ella to her black Lexus.

"Shopping," Ella answered, throwing her purse in the back seat and sliding behind the wheel.

"At 8 in the morning? On a Saturday? With no warning?"

"We're making a visit first," Ella answered. "To my grandmother."

"I don't like old people," Jade told her.

"I know. That's why I didn't tell you," the older woman said with a smile. "She's not a pit viper, she's just an old lady."

Jade didn't like old people – or really people at all. She never knew what to say – what she was expected to do. And old people homes – well, they were just creepy and sad. How could you not think about the fact that this was it? That you were probably not leaving this place without it being – the end? Jade shook the thoughts from her head as she followed Ella into the front door of one of the most expensive retirement homes in the area. They signed in and Ella led her through a variety of hallways and up the elevator to a room that resembled a library. It had a piano by the fireplace and shelves filled with books lined each wall.

A woman in her eighties was sitting on a sofa, flipping through a novel by Danielle Steel. To Jade's comfort, her hair was dyed dark brown and she was wearing normal human clothing – actually, quite stylish normal human clothing. Not the nightgown or Mu-mu that Jade had feared. "This is rubbish," the woman said, throwing the book aside as soon as she saw Ella. "Tell me you brought me something better."

"I tried," Ella promised, handing the woman a bag that Jade hadn't noticed she was carrying. From it, the woman pulled several books and looked at them before nodding gratefully.

"You're a good girl, my Ella. What bring you to visit today? It's usually Lucy's day."

"I know," Ella answered. "But Gram, I wanted you to meet someone. And Lucy won't be here until after lunch. Gram, this is Jade, Beck's girlfriend. Jade, this is my grandmother, Penelope Hannigan." Jade offered her hand and the woman took it.

"Are you always so shaky?" The woman asked.

"She's a little hesitant about old people," Ella informed her gently.

"That's alright," Penelope answered. "I don't much like them either – so we'll get along just fine." Jade bit back a laugh – but she did smile. The joke did help her relax; she sat across from Penelope while Ella shared the sofa with the older woman.

"It's about time you've brought her around," Penelope chided her granddaughter. "They've been dating forever now. This is the same one?"

"This is the same one," Ella answered with a grin. "I did think it was about time. Jade has met Bryan's family up in BC, but she'd never met mine. I come from a large family," Ella informed the teen. "My mom was one of nine. I have fourteen cousins and two sisters – one older, one younger."

Jade's eyes were open wide. Nine children. Was she serious? "You had nine kids?"

"Before they gave those fancy epidurals and things," Penelope added with a nod. "It wasn't such a bad thing – by the fourth one, they just started sliding out. And once they were out, they were worth it."

"Eww!" Jade cried. "I can't un-imagine that!" Ella laughed and Penelope gave a chuckle. Jade had her legs crossed tightly under her, her hands curled into her lap – she was unhappy with the current direction of the conversation.

"Grams, I want you to tell Jade about your first husband – and then about Grandpa Ben."

"You want the long version – or the short version – or the really long version? That's the one I like to tell at funerals. It gets people to leave the party so the grieving can get on with things." Ella bit back a laugh; her grandmother was spunky, to say the least.

"How about the short version," Ella suggested. "We don't need a lot of details, just the idea."

Jade listened without comment or expression for the next twenty minutes while Penelope Hannigan wove her story. She'd been the daughter of a wealthy rancher – and quite the catch in her day. Jade imagined she had been pretty; she still retained many of the qualities which would have made her a classic beauty. Her father had practically given her to a man named Jack and it was more a business arrangement than a marriage. She told Jade about her first attempt to make a meal for the man – and her wedding night. He'd started abusing her immediately. He told her, on her wedding night, that she was his possession and he would do with her – and to her – what he pleased. Jade could hear the pain in her voice as she repeated his words. After sixty-some years, she still remembered them perfectly. She didn't go into a lot of detail – but Jade didn't need her to.

"How did you get away?" Jade asked gently.

"My Ben," she said with a wistful smile. "He was the foreman of Jack's ranch and he was my best friend. He was studying at night, trying to get away from ranching. He talked to me when the rest of the employees avoided me like the pariah I was. If Jack caught them talking to me – they got into trouble – and so did I. He wanted me isolated. Well, Ben didn't believe that was anyway to treat a woman. I was married to Jack for about a year when Ben asked me if I'd leave with him. I never hesitated. We came south and I filed for divorce from a distance. Jack worked two jobs until his drug store got underway. We married as soon as my divorce with Jack was through. I was quite a scandal in my day – a woman who'd left her husband, living with another unmarried man. But it was worth it in the end. Ben knew how to treat a woman – and he knew how to raise a family to be happy and cared for. And that was all I ever needed."

"Didn't Jack ever look for you?" Jade asked.

"He knew what he was doing was wrong," Penelope answered. "And people started talking – after I disappeared – about how he treated women – there were some before me – and he knew it wasn't in his best interest to come and drag me back to the ranch."

"And you tell people about him – all the time?" Jade asked, remembering the way she'd offered to tell different lengths of the story. It was clearly something she talked about.

"I didn't do anything to be ashamed of," the great-grandmother answered with a wink. "That's something that a lot of women who get abused and pushed around forget about. That they didn't do anything wrong. But I never had that problem. I'm a pretty proud old lady, if you hadn't noticed." She paused and looked at Jade thoughtfully; she knew the girl was listening to her every word. Ella was attentive; but she'd heard it all before.

"There was one thing I was always afraid of. Something that bothered me from the moment I married Ben until I held my first daughter Patricia – Ella's mother – in my arms. I was worried that somehow – that ugliness had gotten inside of me. And I would use that kind of violence when I lost my temper. But I never laid a hand on one of my children that wasn't loving – and after a while, I stopped worrying about it. And eventually, Jack became a distant memory – and my life was good. It still is," she said, reaching over to clasp Ella's hand. Ella squeezed back and smiled at her.

"But I do look forward to seeing my Ben again someday. But not quite yet. Maybe after I have some great-great grand-babies to love and tell him about." Jade turned a little pink and hoped the woman wasn't suggesting she help out in that department. They left Penelope's company by 10:30 and Jade was silent as they walked back to the car.

They were in the car, about a mile away, when Ella finally spoke. "Are you angry with me?"

"Just confused," Jade admitted. "Why did you want me to know that?"

"I just did," Ella answered. "Mother's intuition. It's a pesky thing until you do what it says."

"Why now?"

"Because," Ella said, pulling into the mall parking lot. She parked and looked directly at Jade, "you are a lovely young woman with a good heart. And you have no idea that you do." Jade didn't respond; she didn't know how to. For the rest of the day – they did shop. Apparently Ella wanted new clothing. She made Jade buy several thing as well, so the trunk was full by the time they met Beck and Bryan for dinner at her favorite restaurant.

"You alright?" Beck asked as he pulled out her chair. Jade nodded offered him a smile and a nod, closing the conversation.

After a week of living with Beck, Jade was growing antsy. She loved Beck, but she needed her own space. Both of the bedrooms she'd had were bigger than the RV. She found herself wandering into the house proper more often than ever before. Ella smiled when she walked into the house and found Jade in the living room, playing the piano that sat by the bay window.

"This needs tuned," Jade told her.

"No one else plays it anymore," Ella explained. "But we can do that." She stood in front of the piano and smiled at Jade.

"Is the RV getting a little cramped?"

"It's fine," Jade said vaguely. "I'm just used to more space."

"You can always move into the guest room - change it however you want," Ella offered.

"Oh, no, I can't," Jade assured her.

"I know you sleep with my son," Ella reminded her. "I've moved on."

"Knowing and hearing are two very different things," Jade told her. "Can I help you with dinner?" She wasn't subtle about changing the subject.

"That would be nice," Ella agreed. She picked up the grocery bags that she'd left by the door and Jade followed her to the kitchen. They spent the next hour making chicken stew. The piano was tuned the next week and Jade played it almost nightly. The Oliver parents noticed that, since Jade's arrival into their home, they got to spend more time with their son more than ever. They weren't complaining.

It was one month after Jade moved in completely that Beck approached his parents with a topic that they knew was looming. They were in the living room; Bryan building a puzzle on the coffee table and Ella working on her laptop while the television played an old sitcom. Beck had no idea what to say, so he simply pulled a box from his pocket and handed it to his mother. Ella opened it to reveal a gorgeous platinum antique ring set with a glistening black diamond, ringed by smaller black and traditional white diamonds. Ella was speechless; she handed the ring to Bryan. He looked at his son; it was hard to believe how much he'd grown.

"How long have you been planning this?" Ella asked, handing the box back to Beck.

"I've had the ring since sophomore year," Beck answered. "I found it at an estate sale Cat dragged Jade and I to - I went back later with Andre and bought it. I'd been saving money from all of our gigs and birthday and Christmas - Andre helped me with the balance. I finished paying him back that same year."

"Are you sure about this, son?" his father asked.

"That girl does not need any more drama," his mother chided.

"I'm serious about this," Beck answered. "Jade is it. I haven't looked at - or wanted to even consider - another girl since I met her five years ago. I don't know what else I would be looking for. She makes me want to be the best person I can be - when I think about the future, she's in it. Always." His parents simply stared at him, tears glistening in his mother's eyes. "I'm doing this," Beck said firmly. "But I would really prefer to do it with your blessing."

Ella approached him first, her hands reaching to frame his face. "You are a good boy, Beck. I am so proud of you. I think you're too young. But you've always been a little ahead of things. I love Jade - and I would be happy to welcome her into the family."

"Life will certainly never be boring again," Bryan followed, chuckling with a mirth that reached his eyes. Beck smiled and hugged both of his parents.

The following Saturday morning, Beck told her they were going somewhere special that night and to dress up. Jade took the opportunity to go shopping and buy a new dress. She even allowed Tori and Cat to accompany her. Because of the size of the bathroom in the RV, Jade readied herself in the house with Ella flitting around, watching and helping. She was dressed in a beautiful sleeveless black dress with a skirt that swung around her legs when she walked. Over it she wore a sheer lace cardigan. She accented the black ensemble with turquoise-colored glass jewelry. Slipping her silk-stocking-clad feet into black heels, she sat down to wait for Beck.

He knocked on the doorjamb to the guest room and smiled when he saw her. "You look amazing," he told her.

"You clean up pretty well yourself," she responded with a smile. He was wearing a black suit, a turquoise shirt, and a tie. He looked quite dashing.

"Well, you two look lovely," Ella said. "Can I take a picture?"

"No," Jade said immediately. She relented almost immediately when she saw Ella's crestfallen expression. They posed prettily while Ella took several pictures.

They headed into town and Jade was stunned when Beck pulled up to a restaurant she knew to be extremely exclusive. He had to have bribed someone for reservations. She was even more shocked when the host showed them into a private room.

It was elegant and beautiful from the draperies to the view of the city to the silk upholstered chairs and the crystal chandelier that hung above the table for two.

"What is all of this?" Jade asked.

"You don't like it?" Beck teased.

"Of course I do," she said, as she sat and allowed him to push in her chair. "But this had to cost a fortune-"

"Don't worry about it," Beck answered. His family may not have been quite as wealthy as Jade's family, but they certainly weren't hurting. A leisurely two hours and several enjoyable courses later, dessert arrived.

It was a beautiful cake, which Beck assured her was made without any of the things she was allergic to. There were candles - five of them - their light dancing across the dim room.

"Make a wish," Beck told her with a smile.

"It's not my birthday," Jade told him, laughing at his excitement.

"Blow them out anyway," he said. "And don't forget the wish." She shook her head at his silliness and blew out the candles. "Can you take them out? Then I'll cut it." She began plucking the candles from the creamy icing. The second candle had something tied to it. She picked it up and gasped as she saw what was attached to the other side of the black ribbon. An antique white and black diamond ring, covered just a bit with icing.

Her eyes widened as she looked at Beck, who was grinning.

"Beck, what the hell?" Beck stood from his chair and walked to her side of the table, kneeling in front of her on the hardwood floor.

"Jade, will you marry me?"

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked again, tears gathering in her eyes. Beck held the ring out to her - he was completely serious.

"Yes," she said quickly, wiping tears from her eyes. "Yes." She scurried out of her chair and joined him on the floor, kissing him deeply. He wiped off the ring with a napkin and slid it onto her left ring finger.

It took a few days for anyone to notice the ring. And it was Tori who saw it first. "That's gorgeous," she said, peering at the diamond on Jade's finger. "Is that what I think it is?"

"If you think it's a ring, then yes," Jade said, pulling the last book she needed from her locker and shoving it into her bag.

"You know what I mean," Tori said, almost whining, "is that an engagement ring?"

"It is," Jade answered.

"That's it?" Tori asked. "You're not going to tell me anything else?"

"I was not planning on it," Jade answered, walking toward the vocal class they shared. Tori jogged to catch up.

"Jade," Tori whined. Jade shook her head and faced Tori, her voice dropping to a register that wouldn't be easily overheard in the busy hallway.

"Yes, it is an engagement ring. Yes, I am engaged to Beck. Yes, we are young. And yes, we are sure we know what we're doing. The wedding won't be until after we both graduate college. Does that answer all of your questions?"

"No," Tori answered, breaking into a wide smile. "But congratulations." Jade smiled and led the other brunette into the classroom.

* * *

Let me know what you think? Yes, they are young. But Jade has had to grow up quickly – and in discovering her secrets and protecting her, so has Beck. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!


	19. When the World Goes Out

Thanks to all those who are reading and reviewing. You are wonderful I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Please be aware that I have no legal background - so with the legalities, I take complete artistic license. Hope that's okay.

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_A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out_.

~Grace Pulpit

Once Jade was moved in with the Olivers and engaged to Beck, her life fell into a happy, harmonious rhythm. She enjoyed senior year. The classes were challenging, she was away from the negativity of her father's house and abusiveness of her mother's house. In all, her senior year was a happy time.

Her only concern was her best friend. Cat had been drifting further away from reality. Jade tried to spend more time with her and watched her carefully. But it wasn't enough. Cat's life, along with Jade's, took a quick tilt toward the end of senior year.

It was odd for Cat to miss school. She loved school – and on the rare occasion that illness kept her home, she would text Jade incessantly to see what she was missing. But three months before their senior year was set to end, Cat missed a day. And during that entire day, Jade had no word from Cat. Jade texted her three times before lunch, demanded to know where she was, and received no answer. By the time they hit their last two classes of the day, Jade was antsy enough to blow them off. Beck doubted the suggestion for only a moment before agreeing and walking with her to the parking lot.

The Valentine driveway was empty, but Jade knew that was of no significance – they had a massive garage that could hold all four cars they owned. Jade rang the doorbell and fought the urge to tap her foot as she waited. She was about to ring it again when the door opened, revealing a red-eyed Nancy Valentine.

"Hi, Jade, Beck," she said, smiling weakly at them. "Catherina isn't feeling well," she said hollowly.

"Can we see her?" Jade asked, more a polite way of placing a demand than a real question. Beck put a hand on her arm, trying to calm her. He knew Cat's mother's appearance was upsetting her greatly.

"She's not here," Nancy said.

"Where is she?" Jade asked, her voice biting.

"Why don't you come in for a minute," Nancy said, standing aside and allowing the two teenagers into her living room. Jade and Beck sat on the sofa, but he could feel the tension vibrating from his girlfriend; she wanted answers, not an invitation for tea. Regardless, Nancy tried to ply them with beverages before answering any questions.

They refused her offers and Jade continued to ask where Cat was.

"She tried to kill herself last night," Nancy said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"What?!" Jade screamed, practically springing from her spot on the sofa. Beck pulled her back against him, keeping her away from the distraught woman. "Cat would never do that. What are you talking about?" Beck shushed her and wrapped his arms more snuggly around her, trying to calm her.

"Mrs. Valentine, could you tell us what happened?" Beck asked, smoothly.

Nancy sniffled and nodded. "I went in to her bedroom to say goodnight, and she was lying on the bed, one of her razors in her hand – and blood everywhere. I don't understand why she would do that," Nancy said hysterically, "but she did. She said the voices told her to do it." She took deep breaths until she was calm. "The doctors have wanted to treat her on an in-patient basis for years, so this seemed like a good time."

"You can't leave her locked up," Jade cried. "That will kill her." Nancy shook her head.

"The decision is already made. She's under a 48 hour psychiatric hold – and then they're committing her for long-term care. I'm sorry, Jade. I tried so hard—" Nancy dissolved into tears and Jade made a disgusted noise in her throat.

"You didn't try at all," Jade said to her angrily. "You've been bending over backwards for years, trying to keep Mikey – who is absolutely insane and highly dangerous– out of an institution. And now Cat makes one mistake and you're putting her in one?"

"I'm sorry," Nancy repeated. "I know you two are close. But- I can't do it anymore. Not with my perfect little girl."

"Just because she's not perfect anymore doesn't mean she doesn't need you." Jade said angrily. Nancy had no response; she was too busy crying. Jade broke free of Beck's arms and approached Nancy, demanding to know where Cat was being held. Nancy told her, but also told her that they wouldn't be allowed to see Cat – they weren't family.

Beck drove toward the hospital, but he wasn't sure what Jade intended to accomplish. They were never going to be allowed to see Cat. But Jade ignored him during the ride and instead made phone calls. The first was to her father. Beck only knew that because she reserved a very specific vinegary voice for her father.

"Send me your lawyer," Jade demanded, rattling off the name of the hospital. "It's not for me," she snapped after he said something. "I don't care how much it costs," she snarled. "I want him there in twenty minutes." Beck knew her father was probably confused by her angrier than usual attitude; but it was the stress. She was silent as she listened to her father's response. "I don't care. You owe me." Those words caused her father to go silent and Beck knew the lawyer would be waiting for them at the hospital. He was waiting in the lobby; Jade recognized him immediately. He was the same clean-cut man who had processed the papers to make her father her sole guardian when she was 13. He was also the man who had signed over her trust when she'd turned 18 – a solid three years before it was supposed to happen.

Jade walked over to him and introduced Beck to Jason O'Keeffe, her father's lawyer. The two men shook hands. "I'm going to find someone who knows where she is – and then I need you to figure out how we're getting her out of here," Jade told him sharply. She disappeared, leaving the two men looking at one another awkwardly.

It took a lot of nasty looks and verbal threats, but Jade was able to locate Cat's doctor within twenty minutes. The woman actually found Jade after she was told someone was harassing her nurses.

"Ms. West," the woman said sternly, "I'm Dr. Dodgson. I hear you're looking for me."

"I need to see Cat Valentine," Jade replied, just as coldly.

"She's on a 48 hour hold – no one can see her."

"And after the 48 hour hold?"

"I can't discuss that with you," the doctor answered. "It's against the law. Now please, leave my staff alone. There is nothing we can do to help you. Only family can be given any more information. And her parents have already signed off on her current treatment plan." Jade huffed and glared but she knew this was the wrong avenue. She went back to Jason and Beck and told the lawyer to get to work.

She spent the night in the psychiatric waiting room, telling every single nurse on duty that she wanted to see Cat the minute the 48 hour hold was up. Beck attempted to reason with her but she refused to leave. He went home long enough to shower and pack a bag for his stubborn girlfriend. When he brought the bag to her, she was sipping coffee and listening to Jason, who was explaining the legal situation surrounding Cat's hospitalization.

"She's not 18, so the decision really is up to her parents," Jason explained.

"I am paying you," Jade said harshly, "so you can tell me exactly how you're going to get her out of this place."

"I spoke with the doctors," Jason said calmly, trying to avoid Jade's glare. "And with the hospital lawyers and social workers. They are only willing to release her into guardianship. Her parents are unwilling to agree to her release – so it leaves her in long term care."

"Get the hell to the point," Jade urged. Beck put his hand on the shoulder, rubbing it gently, trying to exude some of the calm she needed so desperately.

"She needs someone to act as guardian before the hospital is willing to discharge her."

"I'll do it," Jade said quickly.

"You're barely 18—"

"But I am 18," Jade reminded him. "I have plenty of money. Some of which I use to pay you – so go and get this finished." He left to do her bidding and Jade continued to wait for Cat to be allowed visitors. Once she was in the hospital for 48 hours and ten minutes, a nurse told Jade she could see her.

Walking into the room, Jade realized with a sinking heart that it was stark and cold. Cat had to be terrified. She loved things to be sunny and bright and colorful. This was the opposite. Pulling a chair up to the bed, Jade sat and gently picked up Cat's hand. Her wrists were wrapped with thick white bandages.

It took ten minutes for the other girl to stir and when she did, she was so weak she could barely open her eyes. "Jadey," she said softly, "it's foggy."

"I know it is, baby girl," Jade said gently, brushing a strand of red hair from Cat's cheek. She knew it was because of the drugs they were pumping into her tiny body. "Try to concentrate. Do you remember what happened?"

Cat shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. "Why am I here, Jadey? Did I do something bad?"

"No," Jade assured her, cupping her face with both hands, "no, of course not. You're a good girl – a very good girl. Just close your eyes and try to sleep." Within minutes, Cat was sleeping again. Jade cried.

The next day, Jade met with a judge. Luckily, she could pull off a sophisticated look extremely well – especially without the all black ensembles, the combat boots, and the occasional metal accessories. She'd pulled the front pieces of hair into a barrette, removed her extensions, and curled it all so it fell in pretty cascades against her shoulders. She wore a blue and yellow flowered sundress she'd borrowed from Ella with a pale blue cardigan that matched some of the flowers. The belt on the dress was yellow; so were the ballet flats. She was inwardly horrified. Beck laughed when he saw her, earning himself a smack from his mother and a glare from Jade. She felt like she was playing the role of a preppy princess when she walked into the Judge's chambers, but she knew it was for a good reason, so she embraced the image.

She knew how to speak to people in charge, to make them feel as though they were still in control as they did exactly what she wanted them to do. This judge was no exception. It helped that Jade had a 4.2 grade point average, was accepted into several top-notch schools, and had a few million dollars in her bank account.

Two days after the meeting with the judge, Jade held the papers in her hands. If she signed them in front of the notary that was waiting in the hallway, it would mean she would be Cat's legal guardian for the foreseeable future – for as long as her doctors felt she wasn't competent to be on her own. She would be responsible for Cat financially, legally, and medically. Ella Oliver sat to Jade's left, watching her closely.

"Do you understand what this means?" Ella asked her gently. "Do you really understand what you're doing?"

"I'm keeping Cat from being institutionalized for the rest of her life," Jade said quietly. Normally, she would have had a sharp tone. She didn't use that tone with Ella.

"I'm not talking about what you're doing for Cat," Ella told her. "It's admirable – your heart is in the right place. But signing these papers makes you responsible for another human being. You're still so young. If you sign those – it's over. No more childhood – nothing impromptu, nothing spontaneous. And you haven't even had time to experience that yet. You can't disappear for a romantic weekend with Beck – for the time being, you can't even run to the grocery store without knowing where she is."

"I'm okay with that," Jade answered. She'd thought through all of the scenarios – she knew she was attaching herself to Cat for the rest of her life. But what kind of life would it be without her best friend? What kind of life could she have, knowing that Cat would never see the world outside of an institution? It wasn't going to be easy; but Jade knew she had more fight left in her than Cat's parents did; and she knew she was the only chance Cat had left. And what kind of person would she be if she abandoned the one person who had kept her alive and hoping, all those years ago?

Ella looked at Beck, who was listening to every word. "Do you know what you're doing?" She asked him, giving her best withering-mother expression.

"I do," Beck answered, smiling softy at his mother.

"Then we'll support you both – or all three of you – or whatever the hell this is turning into," Ella said, throwing up her hands and walking away. Not before grabbing Jade's hand and giving it a rough squeeze.

Jade watched her retreating figure. She looked at Beck. "Your mother…"

"Oh, I know," Beck answered, his expression breaking into a grin. "I like being surrounded by slightly crazy women." Jade moved like she was giving him an elbow to the gut but quickly settled for falling into his arms.

"Are you really okay with this?"

"I really am," he answered. He knew Cat was part of the Jade package; she always had been. Now it was just a little bit more official.

Originally, Jade had been adamant that Cat be released directly from the hospital. But after speaking with Cat's doctors and seeing the medical files, she knew that wasn't possible. Cat was moved to a treatment facility for observation and to get her medications under control. She, like her brother before her, was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Her other friends – Robbie, Andre, and Tori – knew where she was and visited as often as they were allowed – but they had no idea that Cat's parents were out of the picture and that Jade now in control. The night before she was to be released from the hospital, they finally told their friends that Cat's parents wanted nothing more to do with her – and that she was going to move in with Jade. She didn't share the guardianship details – She didn't believe that was anyone else's business.

After being in the treatment facility for three weeks, Cat was more than ready to go home. She didn't understand why she wasn't going to her childhood home – and why her parents hadn't visited her since she'd been admitted. Jade walked around the room, packing all of her things into two pink Vera Bradley duffle bags. Tori was trying to keep Cat occupied, giving her a manicure while Jade took things from hangers and drawers and folded them neatly. Cat's hands may have been captured, but she was still able to ask questions.

"Where is my mom?"

"We talked about this last week with Dr. Winters," Jade reminded her. Dr. Molly Winters was the psychiatrist Cat had been seeing since she'd been a resident at the ridiculously expensive facility. Cat liked her – Jade tolerated her – and she had agreed to keep seeing the girl after she was released. The week prior, they had finally broken to Cat the idea that her parents wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't understand. She didn't even remember wielding the razor – which scared Jade immensely – but a new regimen of pills had chased away that voices that had apparently been her constant companions.

"Hold still," Tori begged, as Cat began to bounce nervously on the bed. She stopped abruptly and held her breath for a moment before exhaling loudly and laying back on the bed. Tori continued her careful ministrations as best she could. Once Jade finished, she went through all of the drawers and closets and even knelt down to search under the bed and other sporadic furniture. She found one of Cat's stuffed animals – Mr. Purple to be exact – under the bed and picked it up, pushing it into the bag that had the most room.

While Tori finished and Cat's nails dried, Jade took the two bags and walked down the hall toward the main office. Beck was in the waiting room and took the bags from her while she walked into the office and knocked on the frame of the open door. "Hi, Ms. West," the main receptionist said cheerfully. "Dr. Winters has all of the paperwork ready for you. She wants to see you before you take Ms. Valentine." Jade skimmed the release form, signed her name, and handed it back to the receptionist before walking down the hall and into Dr. Winter's office.

"Good afternoon, Jade," she said cheerfully.

"Hey," Jade returned simply.

"I spoke with Cat this morning – she's excited to be leaving. I'm a bit concerned that she doesn't understand where she's going."

"She's always been pretty confused. This is tame compared to the usual," Jade assured her. "She'll be fine. We'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will be," Dr. Winters said cheerfully. "If you need anything – you have all of my numbers – otherwise, I'll see you both next Monday at my office in Hollywood." Jade nodded; Cat would still have three therapy sessions a week; more if trouble arose. "You did a once-or-twice-over of the house?" Jade nodded again. While Cat had been in therapy sessions for the past week, Jade, Tori, and Beck had been through the entire house – attic to basement. Everything remotely dangerous was gone or locked up. Jade wasn't certain how they were supposed to cook and eat without knives – but she truly didn't care if it kept Cat safe.

It was a new house – and Jade hadn't even had time to freak out about the fact that she now owned a home. It was a relatively small house with four bedrooms on the same street that Beck's parents lived. Ella called it a starter house and Jade hoped she was right; because it was small compared to what she was used to. But she'd been able to choose all new furniture, which had cheered her. Her father, after a bit of convincing, had been willing to help furnish the place for her. Not that she needed it – but she preferred to keep her trust fund intact as it as her only source of income she – and now Cat – would have while she attended college.

"You can change the room however you want," Jade promised later that night, placing the bag she was carrying on a cream-colored arm chair. It was a pretty – if generic – guest room. Beck, Andre, and Robbie had all helped to empty her bedroom at her parents' home and bring it to Jade's home. Jade had gone through every box, bag, and container – she threw away or put into secure storage anything that looked potentially threatening. She was going to keep her best friend alive, no matter what she had to do.

Tori and Trina had put together a small welcome home party for Cat – complete with red velvet cupcakes and sugar-free fruit punch. The tiny girl had been giddy with happiness. As soon as the guests left, her exhaustion set in; she wasn't used to so many people at one time. Jade closed the dark blue drapes, remembering briefly the mini blinds she had removed the week before. She folded down the comforter of the bed and moved toward the dresser; her fingernails tapped lightly against the top drawer. "Pajamas are in here. Do you need anything else?" Cat shook her head.

Jade walked over and stood in front of her best friend, looking her straight in the eye. "Are you okay?" She had to wait a few moments while Cat considered the question. One of the first hurdles her doctors had to get past when treating her was the fact that she always tried to be bright and chipper for everyone. Dr. Winters had told her she wasn't allowed to do that anymore; she had to tell the truth.

"I'm tired," Cat admitted finally. "But I'm okay."

Jade nodded. "Good. If you need me – my room is next door. Okay?" Cat nodded. "Good night."

"Good night, Jade," Cat squeaked, watching as Jade walked into the hall and pulled the door closed behind her. She sat on the end of the queen sized bed and looked around the impersonal room, trembling with the oddity of the situation.

Jade walked into her bedroom and closed the door, leaning her head against it. She immediately felt a set of cool, gentle fingers closing around her neck and rubbing gently – kneading the knots that had solidified over the past month. Beck picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing her gently in the middle.

Jade woke the next morning to the feeling of being watched. And for a perfectly good reason too – Cat was kneeling next to her on the bed, staring. "What are you doing?" Jade asked hoarsely – her voice was still in sleep mode. Usually Cat was a late sleeper, so Jade hadn't been worried about setting an alarm. It surprised her that her best friend was awake first.

"Waiting for you to wake up," Cat said simply. "Beck said I wasn't allowed to wake you. I didn't – right?"

"No, you didn't," Jade said as she sat up. "Where is Beck?"

"Making you coffee – and waffles without gluten."

"Did you eat?"

"Waffles with strawberry syrup," Cat said excitedly. Jade nodded; hoping fervently he'd thought to purchase the sugar-free version of the syrup.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :-)


	20. You'll Make a Difference

Thank you, thank you, thank you – for all the lovely reviews. It is great to know that you are enjoying the story. Alas, it is approaching its end. Not quite yet – there will be at least two, possibly three more chapters. But we're getting there. I hope you enjoy this next chapter:

* * *

Graduation is only a concept. In real life every day you graduate.

Graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life.

If you can grasp that, you'll make a difference.

~_Arie Pencovici_

They settled into a rhythm by the last month of school and there were no signs of the voices that had apparently told Cat to cut her wrists. Jade still watched her like a hawk, but Cat seemed happier and calmer, and her therapist reduced her sessions to once per week.

Somehow, with the help of Jade, Tori, Beck, Andre, and Robbie – Cat had finished all of the assignments she'd missed during her time away and was on track to graduate with her class. They had one month left at Hollywood Arts; one last showcase, one last play, one last musical, one last dance recital. And Jade was performing in them all. Cat was performing only in the showcase, but she was part of the crew for the other shows mostly because Jade and Beck dragged her to every rehearsal and she was talented with lighting and costuming.

Jade had the lead in the musical for the first time since Tori Vega had arrived at Hollywood Arts. The spring musical was a classic – Guys and Dolls. In a spin that surprised everyone, Sikowitz and Lane had cast Jade as the prim and proper Sarah while Tori was given the role of the more amusing and outgoing Adelaide. With Beck playing Sky Masterson, Andre in the role of Nathan, and Robbie playing Nicely, they were all in roles that challenged them and highlighted their many talents. It also gave Jade and Tori the opportunity to sing "Marry the Man Today" – one of Jade's favorite classic Broadway duets. And while Jade didn't want to admit it, Tori had come through on the humor and put together a fantastic portrayal of Adelaide. They all knew from the first rehearsal that the show would be a success. And it was. It ran for eight performances over two weeks, packing the theatre each time.

Jade couldn't believe her eyes. After the closing night's show, as she walked from the stage to accept a bouquet of flowers from her father, her eyes locked on the woman standing toward the back of the theatre. She had an expensive silk shawl thrown over her shoulders and dark brown hair swept into a neat chignon. Jade's expression hardened as Camilla West came strolling down the aisle. She could hear the people around her, but it had become a dull roar in the background. Beck was in a different part of the auditorium, being congratulated by his parents. Alex looked uncomfortably at his ex-wife.

"You shouldn't be here," he said gruffly.

Camilla smiled slyly at them both. "It's a public building. And I just wanted to see our beautiful daughter perform." The words were sharp and chilled Jade to the bone. Camilla's hand came up to grasp Jade's chin. Her nails dug in deep – it would leave a mark. Possibly a cut if she didn't let up the pressure soon enough. "You have certainly become a beauty." She sounded utterly disappointed. Jade grabbed her wrist and pushed it away before her father could reach. She saw with horror and then vague curiosity the bruises on her mother's wrist.

"So, he hurts you – now that I'm gone? Is that why you let him do it all those years, to keep yourself safe?" Jade paused and shrugged. "Don't answer – because I don't care. Either way, you're a suck-ish mother. But if it was to keep yourself safe, at least you're not a complete psychopath."

"Alex, do you let our daughter speak this way?" Camilla asked.

"To you, yes," Alex said dismissively, and put an arm around Jade's shoulder, leading her across the space to where Beck was talking to his family.

"You were amazing," her father said, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "In the play too." Jade laughed and hugged him.

"Thanks for coming," she said in return. He nodded. Although she had moved out, they still got together for dinner at least once a month. She didn't hate her father; she just wished he'd protected her more. And stood up for himself a little. She was about to step into Beck's arms when she realized Camilla had followed them. Her eyes – not nearly as deep as her ex-husband's or as mesmerizing as Jade's – were locked on the tall boy standing between his mother and father.

She smiled at him, her white teeth looking shiny and sharp as little daggers as she approached. "Beck Oliver, so, you still keep my daughter in your bed, I take it?"

"Camilla!" Alex said. "That's enough." Ella Oliver's gaze turned to the woman and she stepped quickly between her and their children.

"How dare you even speak to my son? And to speak that way about your daughter? Don't ever come near him – or Jade – again. You're lucky you're not in jail. And you are certainly not welcome here." Ella's voice was harsh but soft in volume; to Jade's relief the argument wasn't bringing much attention their way. But there was some. Camilla's eyes sparkled like a cat's; she was thrilled to have riled so many people.

It was Bryan Oliver who finally ended the staring contest between the two women. "Ms. West, let me show you out to your car." He took her arm and started walking toward the parking lot. Jade realized that sometime in the confrontation, Cat had appeared by her side.

"What that your mom?" She asked in a fearful voice.

"She's gone," Jade promised her, sounding much stronger than she felt. Tori joined them then, looking in the direction Camilla had left.

"Who was that?"

"My mom," Jade said hollowly. "You remember my dad," she said, snapping out of her momentary daze and changing the subject. "Dad, you remember Tori."

"Great job," Alex West said, holding out his hand to Tori.

"Thanks," she said warmly, shaking his offered hand. She clutched in her free hand a colorful bouquet from her family.

"Are you kids going out after this?" Ella asked, moving the conversation away from Camilla.

"There's a cast party at Nozu," Beck answered with a nod. "Starts at eleven." His hands were on Jade's shoulders, rubbing gently. Tori watched them carefully; she knew something had happened – the energy still crackled among the small group of people.

"Let's go change and get ready," Jade said, taking Cat's hand in hers. She leaned over to offer Ella a hug. "Thanks everyone, for coming," she said, her eyes ending on her father. He smiled and nodded. Tori followed them to the girls' dressing rooms above the stage and they all changed into more party-appropriate clothing, placing their costumes on hangers to be sent to the cleaner's and stored for another show.

They attended the after-party but Jade was on edge the entire time, watching over her shoulder to see if her mother had appeared. The rest of her performances went much more smoothly. To his credit, her father attended them all. Jade had called Nancy Valentine to let her know that Cat was performing in the showcase, but the Valentines never appeared. Luckily, Cat's disappointment was minimal because she didn't know they'd been called. She kept insisting to everyone that her parents were away on some exotic trip to Yerba. It didn't matter how many times Jade attempted to remind her of the truth – Cat didn't want to hear it. So Jade stopped trying; it wasn't a dangerous – it wasn't a delusion – it was a lie. A lie that helped her move beyond the fact that she'd been abandoned.

Graduation was even a tame affair. Jade smiled as she watched Cat chase Beck across the back of the auditorium, trying to get back the cap he'd stolen directly from the top of her head. She turned her head slightly to look when she felt a solid presence beside her.

Tori looked at her curiously, eyes focused on the medal around Jade's neck. "How did I not know that you were our Valedictorian?"

"It's not a big deal," Jade answered.

"It's a huge deal," Tori argued. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." They both watched as their classmates gathered to be lined up to walk out to the place where the commencement ceremony would take place.

"Do you worry- about what's going to happen after this?"

"No," Jade answered honestly. "I survived 18 years – I figure my chances are pretty good from here on out." She looked at Tori, who was uncommonly quiet. "You're graduating from a really good school – with a lot of talent. You're going to be fine, Vega."

"Are you being nice to me?"

"Do not get used to it," Jade responded with a shake of her head. "Now go away. I've had enough of you." Tori rolled her eyes and did leave, giving Jade the opportunity to look around one more time before Lane gathered them and put them into alphabetical order. Except for her. And some kid she'd never met before – damn it – one of the shruggers was the salutatorian. It figured.

After the ceremony, the Olivers threw a cookout in their spacious backyard and invited all of their friends. They ended the evening around a camp fire – which Jade knew was illegal in that neighborhood (but if David Vega never said a word, why should she)? She shared a completely charred marshmallow with an overly giggly Cat. It was going to take her days to come down off the sugar high – Jade was certain she'd already made it through a whole bag of the white, fluffy food. But she was happy. They all were. And that was quite an accomplishment.

* * *

There it is. I hope you liked it. It's a happy chapter! (Mostly) The next one is not. Thanks so much for reading – please take a moment to review!


	21. Strength We Have Overcome

Thanks as always for your kind words and encouragement. Here is the next installment:

* * *

_We acquire the strength we have overcome_.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The feeling of contentment didn't last long. It was three in the morning, the week after graduation, when Beck received a call from a hysterical Tori. Having still been awake, reading a novel that she'd started earlier that day and had been unable to put down, Jade was the one to answer the phone. Beck woke slowly as he listened to her side of the conversation.

"Slow down," Jade said, her voice eerily calm. It was a tone that worried her boyfriend immediately. "I can't understand you. What happened? Where are you? Slow down," she said again. "Take a deep breath." She was speaking slowly but her actions were hurried - she jumped out of bed and began dressing, indicating that Beck should do the same.

"We're on our way." She paused and listened. "No," she said. "No. Don't hang up."

Jade picked up her purse and handed Beck his keys. She held her hand over the phone and told him where they were going. They were at the Vega house within ten minutes. Jade talked to Tori the entire way, asking her simple questions to keep her calm – or as calm as was possible. Beck could hear enough to know that their friend was completely distraught and that something had happened to one of her parents. Her voice was an octave too high and her words were hurried and punctured by sobs. While Jade talked to Tori, he used his hands-free link to call his mother, explain that something had happened, and ask her to go to the house to stay with Cat. Then he tried to call Andre, but there was no answer.

Arriving at the Vega household, they saw a police car sitting in the driveway. An officer let them in when they knocked on the door. Tori was pacing the kitchen and living room, her cell phone clasped between her hands. Her eyes were red and swollen. When she saw Beck and Jade, a new torrent of tears began to fall.

Jade ignored her outburst and turned to one of the police officers. "What happened?"

"Detective and Mrs. Vega were in a fatal car accident this evening," the officer said softly. "We came to notify the family. My partner and I didn't want to leave her by herself. We asked her who we could call. She tried to call someone named Andre – and then when he didn't pick up, she called you."

Jade couldn't believe what she was hearing; she didn't want to believe it.

Beck was following in Tori's footsteps, trying to get her to stop pacing. She was ignoring him. She was shaking and her breathing was shallow; she was showing the beginning signs of shock. Jade stepped in her path and spoke.

"Tori," she said sharply. "Stop and look at me." The intensity in her voice stopped the other girl in her tracks. "Let's sit down," Jade suggested. She led Tori to one of the sofas and made her sit.

"Tori, where is Trina?"

"I don't know," Tori said tearfully, her words quick and gasping. "I don't remember." Jade picked up Tori's phone and dialed Trina, handing it to Beck.

"Tell her to get here now," Jade ordered him. He nodded and walked away to speak with Trina in private.

Tori's eyes were glazed over and she stared into space. Jade nudged her to get her attention back. "Tori, you're going into shock. If you don't snap out of it - you're going to have to go to the hospital." Tori tried to calm down – she tried to catch her breath. She tried breathing exercises. But it wasn't working. After fifteen minutes and the realization that her symptoms were only getting worse, Beck carried her to the car and put her in the back seat with Jade and they drove to the closest emergency room.

They waited for over two hours, during which time Tori said precisely two words – "they're gone." Each time the words spilled from her lips, she broke into another fit of sobs. The attending doctor barely looked at her, listened to what Jade told him about the situation, gave Tori prescriptions for sleeping pills and sedatives, and sent her on her way. They got back to her house at six in the morning. Jade gave her one of the sleeping pills and tucked her into bed.

Trina arrived around noon later that day. Tori was still sleeping. Beck was in the living room and still trying to get in touch with Andre, who had apparently fallen off the face of the earth and, in the meantime, dropped his phone into a volcano.

Jade was in Tori's room, curled into an arm chair, trying to sleep while at the same time not wanting Tori to wake up alone. Cat was back at Jade's house with Ella, baking cookies, clueless as to what was happening. As soon as Trina arrived, Beck panicked. "I have to go get Jade," he said, before disappearing up the stairs.

Trina watched him go and then followed, irate that he was leaving after bothering her during a spa weekend. "Why in the world did you wake me up at the three thirty in the morning? I need exactly eight hours of uninterrupted sleep—" She stopped rambling when she saw Tori sleeping and Jade getting out of the arm chair in her room. "What did you do to her?" She demanded shrilly. Beck shook his head, indicating that Trina had no idea what had happened.

"Let's go downstairs," Jade said simply. "You stay here, coward," she hissed to Beck – who didn't disagree.

"I don't want to go downstairs," Trina said defiantly.

"Since when have I ever cared about what you want?" Jade asked, grabbing Trina by the arm and dragging her to the living room before her screechy objections could wake her younger sister.

"Why are you even here in our house? Trina demanded. "And why the cryptic call at three in the morning?"

"Would you shut up for a minute so I can think?" Jade spat, walking away from Trina. She went to the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of water, and took a sip. She braced herself against the kitchen table and took a few deep breaths before turning back to the other woman.

"I don't know how to tell you this – Tori called us this morning after she got a visit from the police. I'm sorry to have to tell you – but your mom and dad were in a car accident. They didn't make it."

"You're wrong. You're lying."

"I wouldn't do that," Jade said, almost softly.

"You would," Trina said shakily. "You hate Tori. This is some kind of sick joke."

"I tolerate Tori," Jade informed her. "I don't hate her." It was true; Tori had moved up a bit in Jade's hierarchy. She continued, wishing she could be anywhere else but delivering this news. "I wish I was joking – or lying – or whatever it would take to make it not true. But it is true. Officer Sanchez left his card – it's on the kitchen table. You have to call him to let him know what funeral home you want them taken to. He said he would take care of getting them there."

"You are unbelievable," Trina said, walking to the table and picking up the card. She pulled out her phone and dialed Officer Sanchez's cell phone, which was written on the back.

"Hi, Gary, this is Trina Vega. Can you—" She was interrupted when the other man, who she had known since she was a child, offered his condolences. Her eyes flitted across the kitchen and locked on Jade, who she now realized had red-rimmed eyes. Trina hung up the phone and set it on the table. She was silent. Her silence scared Jade more than any accusation could.

"What happened to Tori? Why is she still sleeping at noon?" Trina asked, shocking Jade. She wasn't crying, she wasn't upset, her voice wasn't even tremulous.

"She almost went into shock after they broke the news to her – we took her to the ER – they gave her sleeping pills and a sedative."

Trina nodded. She walked to a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out two phone books – one personal and the yellow pages for the area. She spent the rest of the day on the phone, talking to a variety of people, making arrangements and consoling long-distance relatives.

Tori woke up around dinner time and for the first two minutes; she didn't realized what had happened. The minute she saw Beck and Jade, she realized it wasn't a nightmare and tears once again streamed to her eyes.

"It's going to be okay," Beck said, putting his arms around her. Jade didn't know what to say – she knew it was unlikely to be okay. She chose to remain silent. Andre arrived around seven that evening and took over consoling Tori. Beck stayed at the Vega house to be on hand and attempt to help Trina with the preparations for the funeral. Jade went back home to break the news to Cat – and to take a break from the stifling grief. The aura of pain and sorrow coming from Tori was almost tangible; Jade felt like she was drowning in it.

Jade had never realized true exhaustion until that moment. She might have gotten an hour of sleep the night before and that day. She stood outside the front door, taking deep breaths, gathering herself.

Cat bounded to the door the moment it was entered. "Jade! We made cookies – and funfetti cupcakes. We didn't have any red velvet."

"I'm sure the funfetti is great," Jade assured her. "Where is Ella?"

"In the kitchen," Ella yelled. Cat scampered away while Jade walked into her kitchen to find that Ella was in the middle of making every recipe she knew of. There were cookies and cupcakes and stews and casseroles.

"Would it be easiest to ask you what you're not making?" Jade asked, smiling slightly.

"Don't tease. It's a good stress releaser. And I'm sure they won't want to cook for a while." She looked up from the bowl she was mixing, her eyes actually settling on Jade for the first time. "You need to go sleep," Ella said in astonishment at how incredibly tired Jade looked.

"I will," Jade promised. "But I need to talk to Cat."

"I haven't told her anything," Ella said, nodding toward the living room where Cat was fixated on something. Jade understood; she didn't blame Ella; she certainly wished she didn't have to be the one to clue in the tiny redhead who had a history of explosive emotions. Jade walked in to find Cat lying upside down on the sofa, watching a Toy Story movie. She found the remote and turned off the television, earning an indignant "hey!" from Cat.

Jade sat next to her on the sofa, ignoring her objections. "I need to talk to you," she said to Cat. The small redhead sat up. Jade met her eyes and spoke. "Something really bad happened last night. Tori's mom and dad died." Cat gasped and sighed almost at the same time, emitting a noise that Jade had never heard before. She looked away and started to bounce nervously on the sofa.

"Cat, look at me," Jade said forcefully. "It's okay to be sad. What are you thinking?"

"Poor Tori," Cat said sadly. "Is Tori okay?"

"She's really sad," Jade admitted. "but eventually, she'll be okay again." Cat was crying by then, big, heavy sobs that shook her whole frame. She crawled into Jade's lap and held on tightly, trying desperately to understand a world that was too cruel for her comprehension.

Jade couldn't get Cat to stop crying, but she did slow down. And maybe, for the time being, it was good enough. Two hours later, a very distraught Cat Valentine crawled into bed with Tori, putting her arms around her friend and crying with her. Jade watched from the doorway, leaning heavily on Beck.

The funeral was two days later. Trina had pulled out all the stops – it was ridiculously over-the-top. Jade thought it was ostentatious, bordering on tasteless. If Tori were alert enough to care, she would be angry at the way the funeral and surrounding events were planned. But that was how Trina did things - garishly. The smell of flowers was overpowering as Jade and Beck walked into the church with their fingers woven together, Cat and Robbie following close behind.

They sat where Tori had asked them to, in the second pew. Tori and Trina, along with a few distant relatives, made up the first pew. Andre sat directly behind Tori. Beck, Jade, Cat, and Robbie slid in beside him. It was a Catholic church, which none of them had ever attended before. Jade was uncomfortable with the fact that some people around her were kneeling while others were sitting. What was the deal? Which was the right way? She swallowed her annoyance at not knowing what to do; this day was not about her or her comfort.

Cat sat next to her, holding her hand and playing intently with her rings. While Jade had plenty of choices on clothing to wear that day, Cat had not. Nothing she owned was less than bright. No navy, no black, no gray. The closest Jade could find to somber was a sapphire blue dress, and it didn't make the cut. So, after several alterations and a quick hemming job she did herself, Cat wore one of Jade's many black dresses, her red hair standing out in stark contrast.

She was silent and fairly still for most of the mass, but started to fidget in the last twenty minutes. Jade wanted to scream in frustration; Cat shifted or moved every thirty seconds. By the time the caskets were being carried down the aisle by police officers from David Vega's force, Jade was more than ready to stand up. She stood and Beck put his hand at the small of her back as they followed Tori and Trina from the church. Cat trailed behind, having rebuffed Robbie's offer to hold her hand.

Cat was silent at the graveyard, but Jade could sense she had a million questions. Jade wished she had the answers- but she knew she wouldn't. Tori was dry-eyed for the entire event. From the way she could barely stand on her two-inch heels, Jade imagined that she'd taken too many sedatives and probably had no idea what was going on. Andre held her up as best he could. Trina cried perfectly on cue. Jade laid her head against Beck's chest, her arms wrapped around his middle as they watched the caskets be lowered into the ground.

That summer was difficult for Tori. She was lost, everyone could see that much. They pretty much split the summer into shifts so that the distraught girl was never alone. It was how Jade ended up spending her Wednesdays and Thursdays with Cat and Tori. Most of the time, the two of them swam and splashed in Tori's pool while Jade sat in the shade, reading or writing.

When school started, Tori moved into a dorm with the help of Andre, Beck, Cat, Jade, and Beck's uncle's truck. She was terrified but she was putting on a brave face. Andre was moving into his freshman dorm the next day and would be twenty minutes away. Beck, Jade, and Cat were staying put and all attending classes at UCLA, thirty minutes from Tori.

When they were getting ready to leave, Cat handed Tori a bag that she'd been toting with her all day. Tori extracted from it – Mr. Long-Neck. "He can keep you company," Cat explained happily.

"Cat," Tori said softly, touched by the offer and worried that her friend was doing something she would regret later. "Won't you miss him?"

"I have Mr. Purple," she responded sincerely. "And Jade. I'm okay."

Tori smiled and gathered the smaller girl into a hug. "Thank you, Cat."

"We're not that far away," Jade said. Her voice indicated boredom, but Tori knew it was a sincere offer.

"I know," Tori said gently. "Thank you."

"Enjoy your new room," Beck said, looking around at the space. It was small but already well decorated and comfortable looking. "And don't have too much fun with all the cute college boys."

"I will try my best to have a lot of fun with the cute college boys," Tori answered with a grin. The words and accompanying smile did little to fool anyone. They all knew she was lying; her plan was to change into sweat pants and watch movies for the rest of the night – as soon as they left. But they pretended – for a moment – that this was the normal Tori who would try to make the most of her freshman orientation.

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Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to review. What did you think? Favorite part? Worst part? I don't know if I touched enough on Tori's grief – but this story is Jade centric, so I tried to keep that in mind as I wrote this Tori-heavy chapter. Share your thoughts Thanks!


	22. It's Not the End

_Thank you as always for taking the time to read and review. Don't forget the review part - it's the part that makes me know I'm not the only one enjoying the story :-) _

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_"Every thing will be all right in the end. If it's not, then it's not the end."_

_~Paulo Coehlho_

Their freshman year in college was mostly uneventful, but it included a lot of adapting. Beck had officially moved into Jade's house. She spent a lot more time than she would have liked informing him that they had no maid; and he was going to have to stop leaving his things everywhere. His suggestion that they hire a maid did not fall on amused ears. Yelling at him was off the table; she kept her word on that front. But she quickly found that withholding sex went a lot further in getting through to him. He stopped leaving messes for her to clean up – quickly.

Cat loved some of her classes in college, but others were a struggle. She had a difficult time paying attention when she didn't like something, so her college algebra and biology for non-science majors notebooks were mostly doodles and very few notes. It made doing homework and taking tests a challenge. No voices had reappeared but she remained on a strict regimen of pills and rarely found herself out of sight of either Jade or Beck.

Tori was receiving straight As in all of her classes. It was inevitable, seeing that she did nothing but go to class and do homework. She left her dorm room when she was forced by someone – usually by Andre, occasionally by Jade or Cat. Despite Tori's clear struggles, she was moving along, trying her best to keep up with life.

It was her idea, but Jade still pretended that she was resentful when she organized a weekly dinner. On Sundays, Andre would pick up Tori from school and they would appear at Jade's house, where a fantastic dinner was always prepared. Cat loved setting the table; she liked making things look pretty – and to her delight, Jade liked buying pretty dishes and linens. The dinner became a quick tradition that they all clung to in the craziness of their weeks. Not that Jade would ever admit that.

The smoothness that had come into their lives hit its first bumps in the fall of their Sophomore year. Andre called Jade on a Monday night, telling her what Trina had done. The school year had just gotten into full swing, and Trina decided the west coast was not for her. She sold their parents' house – without Tori's knowledge or permission – and took the money.

"That house is worth at least a few million," Jade said loudly, startling Cat, who was sitting at the coffee table in the living room, coloring. She was supposed to be working on a homework assignment for one of her classes, but it had bored her – so she was instead creating a pink elephant in the middle of Jade's blue and green themed living room. The drawing was perfectly to scale.

"I know," Andre said, his voice distraught. "I don't know what to do. Tori doesn't want to do anything. She says she had enough in her account to live off of for the rest of the year – she wants to get a job in the meantime."

"But that's her money too," Jade responded.

"I know," Andre cried. "But she doesn't want to do anything about it. You need to talk some sense into her."

"Why me? What about you? Or Beck?"

"I'm too nice," Andre answered emphatically. "And Beck is a pushover. She needs someone to lay down the law. Damn, woman, use that attitude for something good."

Jade hung up the phone and found Beck and Cat staring at her. Beck was standing in the doorway to the dining room, a coffee cup in his hand. Cat was on her knees at the coffee table, a pink crayon poised for action.

Jade looked at the time; it was still early enough. Her eyes flitted to Cat and she turned serious. "You need to do your homework. Now." She looked at Beck. "And you make sure she does it. And I'm sure you have your own while you're at it."

"I do my homework," Beck answered, mocking offense. His voice quickly changed to curiosity. "Where are you going?" He watched as she grabbed her purse and slid her feet into the closest pair of shoes that matched her current ensemble. Jade crossed the room and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I have to go and talk to Tori. I won't be gone long. I'll explain when I get back." She looked at Cat and pointed to the stack of textbooks. "You – homework." Cat squealed slightly and hid the picture she was coloring under a history book.

Thanks to construction speed limits, it took Jade the entire thirty minutes to get to Tori's dorm. She got into the building when someone else was coming out and walked to Tori's room, knocking swiftly on the door.

Tori opened it, her eyes edged with red. She was in her pajamas and Jade could see Mr. Long-Neck in the pile of blankets on the bed.

"You can't let Trina get away with this," Jade told her, her voice surprisingly kind. Tori burst into tears and walked away from the door, sinking onto the bed and holding tightly onto the stuffed animal Cat had given her.

"It won't bring them back," she said between sobs.

"That's not the point," Jade told her, closing the door and sitting on Tori's desk chair. "The point is that if you invest it, you'll be able to live off of it for as long as you need – and it's not right that Trina take all of it. I'm sure your parents would have wanted it split between you."

"Trina is the executor of their will," Tori answered.

"Do you know that for a fact?" Jade shot back. Tori looked up at her, confused. Jade continued. "Have you seen the paperwork – or are you going by what Trina is telling you?"

"I can't fight with her," Tori said. "I just can't. I'll be fine. I have enough for now."

"You're being ridiculous."

"It's my decision," Tori said, her voice bordering on anger. Unfortunately, it was anger at Jade, not at Trina.

"You're right," Jade said shortly, standing and picking up her purse. "And when you come to your senses and want to go after your idiot of a sister for what she stole from you, let me know." Tori's eyes were cast down; she was having a hard time not bursting into another round of tears. Was this it? Was she really alone now? The money was bad enough – but the bottom line – the one that cut through her heart and left it feeling open and raw – was that Trina had left her. Her family was utterly and completely gone.

Jade left that night in a huff, but Tori knew she wasn't terribly mad. Because an hour after she left, Cat Valentine appeared at her door, duffle bag on her shoulder, ready and raring for a sleepover. She never did finish her history assignment. But she spent the night watching movies, giggling, eating ice cream, and generally raising Tori's spirits.

The money issue was never resolved. Tori took a job at the college library, twenty hours a week, and saved every penny. She started shopping in thrift stores and watching her pocketbook more than she ever had in the past. She was determined that she was going to be fine – and it was not because she was going to chase down Trina and demand her half of the sale of the house and the insurance settlement.

Jade was livid anytime it was mentioned; she wanted blood when it came to Trina Vega. Tori might not have been Jade's favorite person – but she'd done nothing to deserve what Trina had done to her. Trina had taken complete advantage of Tori's ridiculously kind personality. Cat, Beck, and Andre tried to support Tori's decision, but Jade poked at her any chance she got – hoping that she'd eventually convince her to fight back. It never happened.

Less than six weeks after Trina left for the east coast, Beck got his first movie role. He wasn't starring – but he was playing the best friend to the lead, so it was exciting. He was busy all the time, gone for twelve hours a day. It left Jade with the constant details of keeping track of Cat, taking care of a house, and working on her own college classes. She was also writing late into the evening, working on scripts and stories and sending them to agents and publishers.

She was having a particularly busy week when Tori called on a Friday night and asked if she wanted to have lunch the next day. "Can't," she said quickly. "I have two papers due next week and I have no idea what Cat has to do – I don't know how she got through high school."

"We can eat quickly," Tori said, still hopeful.

"Next weekend," Jade answered.

"Okay." Jade could hear the disappointment in her voice. The conversation lasted for another ten minutes and mostly consisted of Tori trying to elongate the conversation. She was lonely and it was obvious. Jade considered briefly agreeing, but she held her ground – she was exhausted and overworked. She needed a break; and spending the afternoon or evening trying to cheer Tori was not relaxing in the least.

Jade spent the weekend writing her papers, doing readings for several classes, and going through Cat's syllabi to make sure she was caught up on all of her work. And when she wasn't, Jade sat with her at the kitchen table for hours until it was all done. Cat would happily do her theater assignments with no help or prompting - but she likely would have failed most of her core classes without Jade's intervention. Sunday dinner was skipped that week because Cat had developed a cold, Andre had a meeting to attend, and Beck was exhausted from his filming schedule.

One Monday night, Jade picked up a call from Andre on Beck's phone just as she was about to sit down to dinner. "Tori's missing," Andre said.

"What do you mean, missing?" Jade asked sharply.

"I can't get ahold of her – her dorm room is empty – no one has seen her."

"She's probably just sulking somewhere," Jade told him. "She was more clingy than usual when I spoke to her on Friday. Hold on a second." She looked at Cat and Beck, who were both sitting at the table, waiting expectantly for dinner.

"Have either of you heard from Tori this weekend?" They both shook their heads.

"Beck and Cat haven't heard from her," Jade told him. "Have you checked the library?"

"Yes!" Andre said. "And the practice rooms – and the gym."

"She'll show up," Jade told him. "You need to calm down." Seven hours later, when it was past midnight and Tori hadn't returned to her room or answered her phone, the panic began to set in for Beck. Jade was still certain that Tori was hiding somewhere, sulking. Cat was creating an elaborate drawing of a Cinderella costume for one of her classes; she was blocking out the noise they were making.

Andre continued to call, bordering on hysterical. Jade finally had enough. "He's being irrational," she said, handing the phone to Beck. "You deal with him."

At the twenty four hour mark, a sick feeling settled into Jade's stomach and she was officially worried. She went with Andre and Beck while they placed a missing person's report with the police. While Beck and Andre canvassed campus and visited all of the local hospitals and shelters, Jade made phone calls to anyone Tori had ever been friendly with; no one knew a thing.

It was the state of her dorm room that worried everyone. Her purse was still in it, all of her money, her glasses. Many things that, if she had simply run away, she would have taken with her. Trina was not worried. She waved off the concern of the others and told them Tori was probably traveling, trying to clear her mind and take a break. In short, Trina was no help.

After three days, Jade knew that they were looking at something potentially horrific. And Cat had no idea what was going on. She was in her own world, unaware of the frenzy that Jade, Beck, and Andre were experiencing. While they searched and made phone calls, she was focused on a play she was starring in at the university. On Thursday evening, Jade knocked on Cat's bedroom door frame and waited until the smaller girl invited her in.

The redhead was sitting on the cream colored arm chair, bouncing slightly as she tapped away at her laptop, working on an assignment for one of her theatre classes. Jade sat on the ottoman in front of Cat and waited until the other girl closed her computer. Beck, who had followed his fiancée, sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed.

"Cat," Jade said softly, "we need to talk."

"You say that when bad things happen," Cat told her unhappily.

"Cat, we can't find Tori. She's missing."

"She's missing? Where did she go?" Cat asked, her voice a higher pitch than normal.

"We don't know," Jade answered, ignoring her frustration at the redundancy of the question. "The police are still trying to figure that out. But they'll keep looking, as long as they can." She felt Beck's glare. He didn't believe the police were doing their best now – let alone that they would keep after the investigation. It had officially become a cold case. No one had seen Tori – there was no indication of a struggle. As far as the police were concerned, she was an unhappy teenager who had run away from a life that was falling apart.

Cat didn't understand; she accepted Jade's words but they didn't sink in. Not until the next Sunday when no one showed up for dinner. "Where is Tori?" She asked Jade as they sat at the table. Her friend sighed and explained again. It took several weeks for the understanding to sink in. Jade found Cat crying on the back patio, holding Mr. Purple as the sun was setting on the horizon.

"What happened?" Jade asked, sitting next to her. She never knew with Cat – her reasons for crying ranged from perfectly rational to complete nonsense.

"Tori's not coming back," Cat said, her voice distraught between the tears. Jade wrapped an arm around her tiny frame and held her close. She couldn't argue; the words might be true. It was a fear that was realized more with every day that passed without word or sign of Tori Vega.

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Please share your thoughts :-) The next chapter is sadly the last for this story. But it has been quite the journey. Thank you for sharing it!


	23. Til You Give it Away

Well, I couldn't sleep. So I decided to proofread and post the last chapter. So, if the proofreading isn't up to snuff – I apologize and I blame lack of sleep. I hope you enjoy the last chapter. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing – and for sharing the journey this story has offered.

Several reviewers have asked about what happens to Tori. If you haven't done so already, please pop over and read the companion story, Try Again Tomorrow. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

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Chapter 23 – 'Til You Give it Away

_And love in your heart  
Wasn't put there to stay -  
Love isn't love  
'Til you give it away._  
~Oscar Hammerstein

Two months after Tori had disappeared, Jade found herself sitting on a swing on their back deck, curled against Beck, watching the sun go down. She had a cup of coffee in her hands that she set aside. Her heart swelled with a contentment that bothered her. "It doesn't feel right to be happy," she said softly.

"We can't stop our lives," Beck reminded her, not for the first time. "It wouldn't help – and it's not what Tori would want."

"Do you ever think – about where she could be?"

"I don't think that's a good train of thought for any of us to follow," he told her gently, dropping a kiss on her head and ruffling her dark curls. His words weren't callous; he knew how devastating thoughts could get when you followed the "ifs" - the things that might have happened to Tori. It would torture them if they let it.

"Other than Tori missing, are you happy – with the way things are?"

"I am," Beck answered truthfully. "What's with all the thinking?" She ignored his question and kissed him deeply, initiating a period of time when neither of them spoke much.

"I don't want to wait," Jade said, later that night. Beck looked at her in confusion. They were in bed, curled under the covers and facing one another. He was playing with a few strands of dark brown hair that were spayed across his pillow.

"For what?" There was no telling what she didn't want to wait for; she wasn't known for her patience.

"To get married," she answered quickly. "I don't want to wait anymore. Things just keep happening – and I don't know what we're waiting for. Life is too unpredictable to wait for an arbitrary date in the future."

"You don't have to convince me," Beck answered, dropping a kiss on top of her head. "I've been ready to marry you for just about ever."

"You don't have to be corny about it," she said huffily, flipping over and snuggling into his embrace. Her words didn't matter; they were both smiling into the darkness.

It would have been wrong to celebrate too much. They were all too preoccupied with Tori's disappearance. But it was something to celebrate – and it would have been equally wrong to not celebrate – so they settled on keeping everything small. The planning took just over a month.

Jade hadn't wanted a white gown. She laughed at some of those traditions; people thought they knew where they came from – but they didn't really. A white gown had nothing to do with virginity or innocence. It had everything to do with the white dress Queen Victoria wore when she wed Albert. After that, white dresses became the norm.

But Jade didn't want white. Her skin was pale and she hated white for the color's ability to make her look more ghostly than normal. Instead, she'd chosen a teal dress. Ella had simply smiled when she'd seen it. "It's gorgeous," she promised. It started as a dark teal and lightened until the full bottom of the skirt was almost a pastel version of the color. The sweetheart neckline was accented by teal embroidery and a thin silver and teal broach gathered the fabric below her bust before it spilled down into the A-lined skirt. It was perfect and unique. And it did Jade's eyes more honor than any other dress could.

Cat wore a soft pink dress and twirled around the room in it all day, feeling every bit a princess. Robbie, Andre, Beck, Alex West, and Bryan Oliver wore black suits. It was a small ceremony and dinner, but it was everything Jade wanted. Honestly, if she had been able to get away with it just being her and Beck, she would have preferred that. But she'd known it would break Cat's and Ella's hearts – so she'd agreed to the small wedding.

They were married by a justice of the peace – a friend of Alex West – who agreed to marry them outside. They were married in the spot where Beck had taken Jade on their first outing together. The sun shone brightly through the canopy of trees as they exchanged their vows. They had discussed those vows for a long time. They had considered writing their own. Their life certainly wasn't traditional; but their love was. Their love transcended their young ages, so in the end, they decided to side with the words that had been connecting lovers for generations.

"I Beck, take you Jade, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part." He slipped the simple white gold wedding band onto her finger.

"I, Jade, take you Beck, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part." She slipped the larger band into his ring finger.

The judge pronounced them married and they kissed. Jade stepped further into his arms and they embraced as the kiss deepened for just a moment. And it was done. They were married. The state now legally recognized what they had known in their hearts since the 8th grade; they were together forever.

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